A mother's monologue

Not long ago two of my son’s were sitting around the table telling their friends horror stories of my unique way of mothering. I am long past the time when I thought they would sit around and call me blessed. In my dreams they would forever praise me and ask their wives to be mothers like I was. Horse feathers. 

I am now being accused of throwing them out in the yard in the summer, locking the door and telling them not to come back until the street lights were on. It’s their lie so they can tell it anyway they want to, but I know I didn’t lock them out of the house and further more they never stayed outside until the street lights came on. We were either eating supper or at a ballgame of some sort at dusk. (I did make my daughter practice her saxophone on the front porch. To that I will admit.)

I prided myself in being a good mother. I felt like I dedicate my whole life to those children. Now I hear all the terrible things I did to them. My memory is probably clouded because there were times when I wanted to take them all to the dog pound and put them up for adoption. Their main purpose in life was to drive me bonkers and it worked!

We all have stories of our parent’s and how we were raised. But you know our parent’s raised us the best they knew how at the time and I raised my kid’s the same way. While it wasn’t a perfect life, it was our life and on most days it was a very good life. I didn’t do everything perfectly and I sure made many mistakes but I loved those little heathens so much. I still do. So let them laugh…I am not the one raising kids anymore…they are.

To enhance your knowledge regarding your health, financial and monetary conditions and wisdom, keep visiting Health, Wealth and Wisdom

To keep yourself updated regarding Dehradun and the world, please visit Doonspot

pic courtesy : http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/2/29/Mother-Child_face_to_face.jpg, 

My mother taught me.. (in good humour)

25 REASONS I OWE MY MOTHER  1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE . 'If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning.' 2. My mother taught me RELIGION . 'You better pray that will come out of the carpet.' 3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL . 'If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!' 4. My mother taught me LOGIC . ' Because I said so, that's why.' 5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC . 'If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me.' 6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT . 'Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident.' 7. My mother taught me IRONY  'Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about.' 8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS . 'Shut your mouth and eat your supper.' 9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM . 'Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!' 10. My mother taught me about STAMINA . 'You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone.' 11 My mother taught me about WEATHER . 'This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it.' 12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY . 'If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!' 13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE  'I brought you into this world, and I can take you out.' 14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION . 'Stop acting like your father!' 15. My mother taught me about ENVY . 'There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do.' 16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION . 'Just wait until we get home.' 17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING . 'You are going to get it when you get home!' 18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE . 'If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way.' 19. My mother taught me ESP . 'Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?' 20. My mother taught me HUMOR . 'When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me.' 21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT . 'If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up.' 22. My mother taught me GENETICS.  'You're just like your father.' 23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS . 'Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?' 24. My mother taught me WISDOM . 'When you get to be my age, you'll understand.' 25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE  'One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you To enhance your knowledge regarding your health, financial and monetary conditions and wisdom, keep visiting Health, Wealth and Wisdom To keep yourself updated regarding Dehradun and the world, please visit Doonspot

Marriage Joke....

Young couple decided to wed. As the big day approached, they grew apprehensive. Each had a problem they had never before shared with anyone, not even each other.
The Groom-to-be, overcoming his fear, decided to ask his father for advice. "Father," he said, "I am deeply concerned about the success of my marriage. I love my fiancée, very much, but you see, I have very smelly feet, and I'm afraid that my future wife will be put off by them."
"No problem," said dad, "all you have to do is wash your feet as often as possible, and always wear socks, even to bed." 

This seemed to be a workable solution.

The bride-to-be, overcoming her fear, decided to take her problem up her mom. 
"Mom," she said, "When I wake up in the morning my breath is truly awful."
"Honey," her mother consoled, "everyone has bad breath in the morning."
"No, you don't understand. My morning breath is so bad, I'm afraid that my new husband will not want to sleep in the same room with me."
Her mother said simply, "Try this. In the morning, get straight out of bed, and head for the bathroom and brush your teeth. The key is, not to say a word until you've brushed your teeth. Not a word," her mother affirmed. She thought it was certainly worth a try.

The loving couple was finally married in a beautiful ceremony. Not forgetting the advice each had received, he with his perpetual socks and she with her morning silence, they managed quite well, until about six months later.
Shortly before dawn, the husband awoke with a start to find that one of his socks had come off. Fearful of the consequences, he frantically searched the bed. This, of course, woke his bride who without thinking, immediately asked, "What on earth are you doing?"
"Oh, no!" he gasped in shock, "You've swallowed my sock!"

To enhance your knowledge regarding your health, financial and monetary conditions and wisdom, keep visiting Health, Wealth and Wisdom

To keep yourself updated regarding Dehradun and the world, please visit Doonspot

pic courtesy : http://www.cartoonstock.com/newscartoons/cartoonists/tne/lowres/tnen59l.jpg, 

WOMAN in your life....very well expressed...

Tomorrow you may get a working woman, but you should marry her with these facts as well. 

Here is a girl, who is as much educated as you are; 
Who is earning almost as much as you do; 

One, who has dreams and aspirations just as 
you have because she is as human as you are; 

One, who has never entered the kitchen in her life just like you or your 
Sister haven't, as she was busy in studies and competing in a system 
that gives no special concession to girls for their culinary achievements 

One, who has lived and loved her parents & brothers & sisters,almost as 
much as you do for 20-25 years of her life; 

One, who has bravely agreed to leave behind all that, her home, people who love her, to adopt your home, your family, your ways and even your family ,name 

One, who is somehow expected to be a master-chef from day #1, while you sleep oblivious to her predicament in her new circumstances, environment and that kitchen 

One, who is expected to make the tea, first thing in the morning and cook 
food at the end of the day, even if she is as tired as you are, maybe more, 
and yet never ever expected to complain; to be a servant, a cook, a mother, 
a wife, even if she doesn't want to; and is learning just like you areas 
to what you want from her; and is clumsy and sloppy at times and knows that you won't like it if she is too demanding, or if she learns faster than you; 

One, who has her own set of friends including boys, whom she knows from school days and yet is willing to put all that on the back-burners to avoid your irrational jealousy, unnecessary competition and your inherent insecurities; 

Yes, she can drink and dance just as well as you can, but won't, simply 
Because you won't like it, even though you say otherwise 

One, who can be late from work once in a while when deadlines, just like yours, are to be met; 

One, who is doing her level best and wants to make this most important, 
relationship in her entire life a grand success, if you just help her some 
and trust her; 

One, who just wants one thing from you, as you are the only one she knows in your entire house - your unstinted support, your sensitivities and most importantly - your understanding, or love, if you may call it. 

But not many guys understand this...... 

Please appreciate "HER" 


Respect Her.
 women are so special.

To enhance your knowledge regarding your health, financial and monetary conditions and wisdom, keep visiting Health, Wealth and Wisdom

To keep yourself updated regarding Dehradun and the world, please visit Doonspot

pic courtesy : http://www.thinkrahul.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/02/cidpart1.04040704.07090803spi1.jpg, 

Wife vs. Girlfrd

*A Wife is like a TV*
**A Girlfriend is like a MOBILE**

At home you watch TV, but when you go out you take your MOBILE

When you have no money, you sell the TV and when you have got money you change your MOBILE

Sometimes you enjoy TV, but most of the time you play with your MOBILE

TV is free for life, but for the MOBILE, if you don't pay, the services will be terminated

TV is big, bulky and most of the time old!

But the MOBILE is cute, slim, curvy and very portable

Operational costs for the TV are often acceptable, but for the MOBILE it is often high and demanding

TV has a remote, MOBILE doesn't

MOBILE is a two-way communication (u talk and listen),but with the TV you MUST only listen (whether you want to or not)

Most Importantly:

TVs don't have viruses, but MOBILEs often do.

To enhance your knowledge regarding your health, financial and monetary conditions and wisdom, keep visiting Health, Wealth and Wisdom

To keep yourself updated regarding Dehradun and the world, please visit Doonspot

pic courtesy : http://www.onlinedatingmagazine.com/datingcartoons/Cartoons2004/datingcartoon33.jpg, 

It’s finally here! The book’s called “Understanding Women”.

To enhance your knowledge regarding your health, financial and monetary conditions and wisdom, keep visiting Health, Wealth and Wisdom

To keep yourself updated regarding Dehradun and the world, please visit Doonspot

Woooooooman.........

An elderly woman walked into the Bank of Canada one morning with a purse full of money. She wanted to open a savings
account and insisted on talking to the president of the Bank
because, she said, she had a lot of money.

After many lengthy discussions (after all, the client is always 
right) an employee took the elderly woman to the president's
office.

The president of the Bank asked her how much she wanted to deposit. She placed her purse on his desk and replied,
"$165,000". The president was curious and asked her how she had been able to save so much money. The elderly woman 
replied that she made bets.

The president was surprised and asked, "What kind of bets?"

The elderly woman replied, "Well, I bet you $25,000 that your testicles are square."

The president started to laugh and told the woman that it was 
impossible to win a bet like that.

The woman never batted an eye. She just looked at the president and said, "Would you like to take my bet?"

"Certainly", replied the president. "I bet you $25,000 that my 
testicles are not square."

"Done", the elderly woman answered. "But given the amount of money involved, if you don't mind I would like to come back at 10 o'clock tomorrow morning with my lawyer as a witness." 

"No problem", said the president of the Bank confidently.

That night, the president became very nervous about the bet
and spent a long time in front of the mirror examining his 
testicles, turning them this way and that, checking them over
again and again until he was positive that no one could 
consider his testicles as square and reassuring himself that there was no way he could lose the bet.

The next morning at exactly 10 o'clock the elderly woman
arrived at the president's office with her lawyer and 
acknowledged the $25,000 bet made the day before that the
president's testicles were square.

The president confirmed that the bet was the same as the one
made the day before. Then the elderly woman asked him to 
drop his pants etc. so that she and her lawyer could see clearly.

The president was happy to oblige.

The elderly woman came closer so she could see better and
asked the president if she could touch them. "Of course", said the president. "Given the amount of money involved, you 
should be 100% sure."

The elderly woman did so with a little smile. Suddenly the
president noticed that the lawyer was banging his head against
the wall. He asked the elderly woman why he was doing that 
and she replied, "Oh, it's probably because I bet him $100,000 that around 10 o'clock in the morning I would be holding the
balls of the President of the Bank of Canada!"

To enhance your knowledge regarding your health, financial and monetary conditions and wisdom, keep visiting Health, Wealth and Wisdom

To keep yourself updated regarding Dehradun and the world, please visit Doonspot

Happy Women's day

To enhance your knowledge regarding your health, financial and monetary conditions and wisdom, keep visiting Health, Wealth and Wisdom

To keep yourself updated regarding Dehradun and the world, please visit Doonspot

pic courtesy : http://www1.sulekha.com/mstore/voxmedia/albums/default/Womens%20day%20PR.jpg, 

Happy Women's Day

To enhance your knowledge regarding your health, financial and monetary conditions and wisdom, keep visiting Health, Wealth and Wisdom 

To keep yourself updated regarding Dehradun and the world, please visit Doonspot

Women--- The most beautiful and the most complex creature on Earth

Women are like..........

...the stock market

They're irrational and can bankrupt you if you're not careful.

...computers

They take too long to warm up and a better model always comes along once you've already got one.

...parking meters

If you don't feed them with enough money you face serious consequences.

...fax machines

Useful for one very specific purpose but otherwise just high-maintenance paperweights.

...refrigerators

They're always cold and never seem to have a beer when you need one.

...blue jeans

They look good for a while but eventually they fade and have to be replaced.

...country western songs

They're annoying, they all sound alike, but if you really listen to them you'll get depressed and drink a lot.

**********************************************************************************

Some more about WOMEN.....

If you kiss her, you are not a gentleman

If you don’t, you are not a man

If you praise her, she thinks you are lying

If you don't, you are good for nothing

If you agree to all her likes, you are a wimp

If you don't, you are not understanding

If you put a woman on a pedestal and try to protect her from the rat race, you are a male chauvinist.

If you stay home and do the housework, you are a pansy.

If you visit her often, she thinks you are boring

If you don't, she accuses you of double-crossing

If you are well dressed, she says you are a playboy

If you don't, you are a dull boy

If you are jealous, she says it's bad

If you don't, she thinks you do not love her

If you attempt a romance, she says you didn't respect her

If you don't, she thinks you do not like her

If you are a minute late, she complains it's hard to wait

If she is late, she says that's a girl's way

If you visit another man, you're not putting in "quality time"

If she is visited by another woman, "oh it's natural, we are girls"

If you ask her to do something she doesn't enjoy, that's domination.

If she asks you, it's a favor.

If you buy her flowers, you are after something.

If you don't, you are not thoughtful.

If you kiss her once in a while, she professes you are cold

If you kiss her often, she yells that you are taking advantage

If you are proud of your achievements, you are up yourself.

If you don't, you are not ambitious.

If you work too hard, there is never any time for her...

If you don't work enough, you are a good for nothing bum.

If she has a headache, she is tired.

If you have a headache, you don't love her anymore.

If you fail to help her in crossing the street, you lack ethics

If you do she thinks it's just one of men's tactics for seduction

If you stare at another woman, she accuses you of flirting

If she is stared by other men, she says that they are just admiring

If you talk, she wants you to listen

If you listen, She wants you to talk

In short So simple, yet so complex

So weak Yet so powerful

Confusing Yet so desirable

So damn thing Yet so wonderful.... .....WOMEN

To enhance your knowledge regarding your health, financial and monetary conditions and wisdom, keep visiting Health, Wealth and Wisdom

To keep yourself updated regarding Dehradun and the world, please visit Doonspot

tags : women, love, confusing, wonderful, flirting, seduction, achievements

http://www.multidimensions-india.com, pic courtesy:http://cinefantastiqueonline.com,