Showing posts with label Jokes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Jokes. Show all posts

Friday, May 10, 2013

How does the stock market work?

A stockbroker was cold-calling about a penny stock and found a taker.

"I think this one will really move," said the broker, "It's only $1 a share." "Buy me 1,000 shares," said the client.





The next day the stock was at $2. The client called the broker and said, "You were right, give me 5,000 more shares."

For news about Dehradun, India and the whole World, please visit Doonspot
For latest jobs - Government and Private, do visit The Jobs Portal
For delicious recipes, please take a look at Khao Piyo Jiyo
For articles on blogging, online money making, funny, games, one-liners, social and political, movies, do visit The Writer

The next day the client looked in the paper and saw the stock was at $4. The client ran to the phone and called the broker, "Get me 10,000 more shares," said the client. "Great!" said the broker.


The next day the client looked in the paper and saw the stock was at $9. Seeing what a great profit he had in just a few days, the client ran to the phone and told the broker, "Sell all my shares!"

Must see Dumb or Smart
 
The broker said, "To whom? You were the only one buying that stock."

pic courtesy : http://0.tqn.com/d/beginnersinvest/1/0/i/K/stock-broker-stock-trading.png, 

Tuesday, May 7, 2013

Laughter is the best medicine



Amazing
A man walks into a bar, sits down, and asks the bartender if he'd pay the guy $20  he could show him the most amazing thing in his life. The bartender agrees, and the man pulls out a small white mouse and a tiny piano. The mouse starts to play old man river on the piano.
The bartender isn't quite amazed yet.
So, the man pulls out a bullfrog, who starts singing along to the mouse's playing.
The bartender admits that that is the most amazing thing he's ever seen, and gives the guy his $20.
Another guy sitting next to the man sees the frog and says "Wow, I will give you a 1,000 dollar right now for that frog!"
The man agrees, and sells him the frog.
After the man who bought the frog leaves, the bartender sez, "Man, you must be insane. That frog could have made you a fortune."
The man says, "Not really, the mouse is a ventroliquist too."
Boss
A man goes into a pet shop to buy a parrot. The shop owner points to three identical looking parrots on a perch and says: "The parrot on the left costs 500 dollars".
"Why, does the parrot cost so much?" asks the man. The owner says, "Well the parrot knows how to use a computer".
The man then asks about the next parrot and is told that this one costs 1,000 dollars because it can do everything the first parrot can do plus it knows how to use the UNIX operating system.
Naturally, the increasingly startled man asks about the third parrot and
is told that it costs 2,000 dollars. Needless to say this begs the question, "What can it do?"
To which the owner replies, "To be honest I have never seen it do a thing but the other two calls him boss!"
Smartest Dog
Four men were bragging about how smart their dogs are. The first man was an Engineer, the second man was an Accountant, the third man was a Chemist, and the fourth man was a Government Worker.
To show off, the Engineer called to his dog. "T-Square, do your stuff." T-Square trotted over to a desk, took out some paper and a pen, and promptly drew a circle, a square, and a triangle. Everyone agreed that was pretty smart.
But the Accountant said his dog could do better. He called his dog and said, "Slide Rule, do your stuff." Slide Rule went out into the kitchen and returned with a dozen cookies. He divided them into 4 equal piles of 3 cookies each. Everyone agreed that was good.
But the Chemist said his dog could do better. He called his dog and said, "Measure, do your stuff." Measure got up, walked over to the fridge, took out a quart of milk, got a 10 ounce glass from the cupboard and poured exactly 8 ounces without spilling a drop. Everyone agreed that was good.
The Government Worker called to his dog and said, "Coffee Break, do your stuff." Coffee Break jumped to his feet, ate the cookies, drank the milk, shit on the paper,  assaulted the other three dogs, claimed he injured his back while doing so, filed a grievance report for unsafe working conditions, put in for Worker's Compensation, and went home on sick leave.
How Tall Is That Hotel?
An Engineering Student, a Physics Student, and a Mathematics student were each given $150 dollars and were told to use that money to find out exactly how tall a particular hotel was. All three ran off, extremely keen on how to do this.
The physics student went out, purchased some stopwatches, a number of ball bearings, a calculator, and some friends. He had them all time the drop of ball bearings from the roof, and he then figured out the height from the time it took for the bearings to accelerate from rest until they impacted with the sidewalk.
The math student waited until the sun was going down, then she took out her protractor, plumb line, measuring tape,and scratch pad, measured the length of the shadow, found the angle the buildings roof made from the ground, and used trigonometry to figure out the height of the building.
Of course, with all that was involved in getting this experiment done, they were up plenty late studying for other courses' exams. These two students bumped into the engineering student the next day, who looked quite refreshed. When asked what he did to find the height of the building he replied:
"Well, I walked up to the bell hop, gave him 10 bucks, asked him how tall the hotel was, and went inside for happy hour!"
 ************ ********* 

To enhance your knowledge regarding your health, financial and monetary conditions and wisdom, keep visiting Health, Wealth and Wisdom


To keep yourself updated regarding Dehradun and the world, please visit Doonspot

pic courtesy: http://www.eft-therapy.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/laughter1.jpg, 

Monday, March 18, 2013

Driving styles


One hand on steering wheel, one hand out of window .
- Sydney
>
>
>One hand on steering wheel, one hand on horn
>- Japan
>
>
>One hand on steering wheel, one hand on newspaper, foot solidly on
>accelerator. ..
>- Boston
>
>
>
>Both hands on steering wheel, eyes shut, both feet on brake, quivering
>in
>terror
>- New York
>
>
>Both hands in air, gesturing, both feet on accelerator, head turned to
>talk
>to someone in back seat
>- Italy
>
>
>
>One hand on horn,
>one hand on holding gear,
>one ear listening to loud music,
>one ear on cell phone,
>one foot on accelerator,
>one foot on clutch ,
>nothing on break ,
>eyes on females in next car ,
> *
> *
> *
>- Welcome to INDIA!
>

To enhance your knowledge regarding your health, financial and monetary conditions and wisdom, keep visiting Health, Wealth and Wisdom

To keep yourself updated regarding Dehradun and the world, please visit Doonspot

Sunday, January 27, 2013

Greediness pays badly



Once upon a time in a village, a man appeared and announced to the villagers that he would buy monkeys for Rs10/-.






The villagers seeing that there were many monkeys around, went out to the forest and started catching them. The man bought hundreds at Rs10/- and as supply started to diminish, the villagers stopped their effort. He further announced that he would now buy at Rs20/-. This renewed the efforts of the villagers and they started catching monkeys again.
Soon the supply diminished even further and people started going back to their farms. The offer rate increased to Rs25 and the supply of monkeys became so little that it was an effort to even see a monkey let alone catch it.


For news about Dehradun, India and the whole World, please visit Doonspot
For latest jobs - Government and Private, do visit The Jobs Portal
For delicious recipes, please take a look at Khao Piyo Jiyo
For articles on blogging, online money making, funny, games, one-liners, social and political, movies, do visit The Writer

The man now announced that he would buy monkeys at Rs50! However, since he had to go to the city on some business, his assistant would now buy on behalf of him. In the absence of the man, the assistant told the villagers. Look at all these monkeys in the big cage that the man has collected. I will sell them to you at Rs35 and when the man returns from the city, you can sell it to him for Rs50." The villagers squeezed up with all their savings to buy the monkeys. Then they never saw the man nor his assistant, only monkeys everywhere!!

pic courtesy : http://enjoyingindia.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/monkey.jpg,