Amazing
A man walks into a bar, sits down, and asks the bartender
if he'd pay the guy $20 he
could show him the most amazing thing in his life. The bartender agrees, and
the man pulls out a small white mouse and a tiny piano. The mouse starts to
play old man river on the piano.
The bartender isn't quite amazed yet.
So, the man pulls out a bullfrog, who starts singing
along to the mouse's playing.
The bartender admits that that is the most amazing thing
he's ever seen, and gives the guy his $20.
Another
guy sitting next to the man sees the frog and says "Wow, I will give you a
1,000 dollar right now for that frog!"
The man agrees, and sells him the frog.
After the
man who bought the frog leaves, the bartender sez, "Man, you must be
insane. That frog could have made you a fortune."
The man says, "Not really, the mouse is a
ventroliquist too."
Boss
A man goes into a pet shop to buy a parrot. The shop
owner points to three identical looking parrots on a perch and says: "The
parrot on the left costs 500 dollars".
"Why,
does the parrot cost so much?" asks the man. The owner says, "Well
the parrot knows how to use a computer".
The man then asks about the next parrot and is told that
this one costs 1,000 dollars because it can do everything the first parrot can
do plus it knows how to use the UNIX operating system.
Naturally, the increasingly startled man asks
about the third parrot and
is told
that it costs 2,000 dollars. Needless to say this begs the question, "What
can it do?"
To which the owner replies, "To be honest I have
never seen it do a thing but the other two calls him boss!"
Smartest Dog
Four men were
bragging about how smart their dogs are. The first man was an Engineer, the
second man was an Accountant, the third man was a Chemist, and the fourth man
was a Government Worker.
To show off, the
Engineer called to his dog. "T-Square, do your stuff." T-Square
trotted over to a desk, took out some paper and a pen, and promptly drew a
circle, a square, and a triangle. Everyone agreed that was pretty smart.
But the Accountant
said his dog could do better. He called his dog and said, "Slide Rule, do
your stuff." Slide Rule went out into the kitchen and returned with a
dozen cookies. He divided them into 4 equal piles of 3 cookies each. Everyone
agreed that was good.
But the Chemist said
his dog could do better. He called his dog and said, "Measure, do your
stuff." Measure got up, walked over to the fridge, took out a quart of
milk, got a 10 ounce glass from the cupboard and poured exactly 8 ounces
without spilling a drop. Everyone agreed that was good.
The Government Worker
called to his dog and said, "Coffee Break, do your stuff." Coffee
Break jumped to his feet, ate the cookies, drank the milk, shit on the paper, assaulted the other three dogs,
claimed he injured his back while doing so, filed a grievance report for unsafe working conditions, put in for Worker's
Compensation, and went home on sick leave.
How Tall Is That Hotel?
An
Engineering Student, a Physics Student, and a Mathematics student were each
given $150 dollars and were told to use that money to find out exactly how tall
a particular hotel was. All three ran off, extremely keen on how to do this.
The physics student went out, purchased some stopwatches,
a number of ball bearings, a calculator, and some friends. He had them all time
the drop of ball bearings from the roof, and he then figured out the height
from the time it took for the bearings to accelerate from rest until they
impacted with the sidewalk.
The math student waited until the sun was going down,
then she took out her protractor, plumb line, measuring tape,and scratch pad,
measured the length of the shadow, found the angle the buildings roof made from
the ground, and used trigonometry to figure out the height of the building.
Of course, with all that was involved in getting this
experiment done, they were up plenty late studying for other courses' exams.
These two students bumped into the engineering student the next day, who looked
quite refreshed. When asked what he did to find the height of the building he
replied:
"Well, I walked up to the bell hop, gave him 10
bucks, asked him how tall the hotel was, and went inside for happy hour!"
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