Showing posts with label One-liners. Show all posts
Showing posts with label One-liners. Show all posts

Friday, December 7, 2012

One Line Humor



[1] Regular naps prevent old age, especially if you take them while  driving. 
  
[2] Having one child makes you a parent; having two you are a referee. 
  
[3] Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband! 
  
[4] I believe we should all pay our tax with a smile. I tried - but they wanted cash. 
  
[5] A child's greatest period of growth is the month after you've purchased new school uniforms. 
  
[6] Don't feel bad. A lot of people have no talent. 
  
[7] Don't marry the person you want to live with, marry the one you cannot live without, but whatever you do, you'll regret it later. 
  
[8] You can't buy love, but you pay heavily for it. 
  
[9] Bad officials are elected by good citizens who do not vote. 
  
[10] Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired. 
  
[11] Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she'll take it anyway. 
  
[12] My wife and I always compromise. I admit I'm wrong and she agrees with me. 
  
[13] Those who can't laugh at themselves leave the job to others. 
  
[14] Ladies first. Pretty ladies sooner. 
  
[15] A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person. 
  
[16] You're getting old when you enjoy remembering things more than doing them. 
  
[17] It doesn't matter how often a married man changes his job, he still ends up with the same boss. 
  
[18] Real friends are the ones who survive transitions between address books. 
  
[19] Saving is the best thing. Especially when your parents have done it for you. 
  
[20] Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools talk because they have to say something 
  
[21] They call our language the mother tongue because the father seldom gets to speak! 
  
[22] Man: Is there any way for long life? 
Dr: Get married. 
Man: Will it help? 
Dr: No, but then the thought of long life will never come. 
  
[23]Why do couples hold hands during their wedding? It's a formality just like two boxers shaking hands before the fight begins! 
  
[24]Wife: Darling today is our anniversary, what should we do? 
Husband: Let us stand in silence for 2 minutes. 
  
[25]It's funny when people discuss Love Marriage vs Arranged. It's like asking someone, if suicide is better or being murdered. 
  
[26]There is only one perfect child in the world and every mother has it. 
  
[27]There is only one perfect wife in the world and every neighbor has it! 


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Monday, November 5, 2012

Wise thoughts to start the day with....




The greatest handicap - Fear

*******

The best day - Today

*******

Hardest thing to do - To begin

*******

Easiest thing to do - Finding faults

*******
Most useless asset - Pride

*******

Most useful asset - Humility

*******

Most disagreeable person - The complainer

*******

Great need - Common sense

*******

Meanest feeling - Regret at another's success

*******

Best gift - Forgiveness

*******

The hardest & most painful to accept - Defeat

*******

The greatest knowledge - Experience 

*******

The greatest thing - LOVE

*******

The greatest success in the world - 
PEACE OF MIND

*******

 
Until next time, make it a blessed day,
Make this day good

pic courtesy: https://cdn.lifehack.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/02/26042037/Lifehack_Quotes_29be170219f7fefb75e75f7ab9128f5a.jpg




Thursday, August 16, 2012

Some witty lines



1.What is the difference between Einstein and Karunanidhi?

Einstein said that everything is relative wheras Karunanidhi says that relative is everything

2.Why is Bangla Desh not sending a contingent to Olympics?

Because anyone who can run,jump or swim, has already crossed the border of the country

3.Why did UPA Government demonetise 25 paise coins?

They could not manage one Anna, how could they manage four annas?

4.100 phones tapped each day per operator. Finally we have a
government that listens to us.

5. Vote for Baba Ramdev. He’ll be the PM who can help you make your
ends meet. Your head and toe, that is.

6. Mayawati, Jayalalitha & Mamata should now form an alliance. They can
call it Behenji-Amma-Didi. Or BAD, for short.

7. Some days, Digvijay Singh makes no sense. Other days, he is silent.

8. I really don’t understand why people consider alcohol to be a
problem. Chemically speaking, it’s a solution.

9. A documentary on Air India’s planes – Saare Zameen Par.
 

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Monday, June 11, 2012

How to utilize your office time ? read the answers now



1. Form a detective agency to find out who is quitting next.
2. Make blank calls to your Boss.
3. Count your fingers (and toes if you get bored).
4. Improve your typing speed.
5. Meditate.
6. Crib.
7. Crib some more.
8. Rearrange the furniture, i.e.. flick someone else chair just to
irritate him/her.
9. Send mails from ms-mail to your internet mail (and immediately get to the internet and  see who reaches first, you or your mail?) and read them
there..and note down the time they take to reach there.
10. Watch other people changing their facial ex-pressions while working and try changing your ex-pressions also..
11. Try to stretch status meetings as longer as possible, just by asking silly doubts.
12. Have work breaks in between tea.
13. Have a two hour lunch, its a big social occasion.
14. Take up smoking, so you can have cigarette breaks too.
15. Read jokes and send jokes.
16. Revise last weeks newspaper.
17. Sing in sync with the carpenters hammering.
18. Hold "How fast my computer boots" competitions.
19. Follow the amoebae that floats in front of your eyes.
20. Try reformatting the mainframe DASD.
21. Practice aiming the coffee cup into the dustbin.
22. Compile "How to waste your day".
23. Pick up phone and dial non existing no.s
24. Make faces at strangers in office.
25. Make faces at your friends in office.
26. Open other people's computers on network and try cracking their passwords.
27. Count maximum no of applications your computer can open at a time.
28. For Windows users....Move things to Recycle bin and restore them..Then repeat this process.
29. Look at someone & try to imagine how(s) he might have looked when (s)he was 5 years old. (my favorite)
30. Plan to take bath.
31. Learn to whistle.
32. Make cracking noises, barking noises.
33. And if you are still getting bored, make full use of the comfortable chair and table provided and take a nap.

To enhance your knowledge regarding your health, financial and monetary conditions and wisdom, keep visiting Health, Wealth and Wisdom


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Saturday, May 5, 2012

Lateral Thinking



This puzzle is called Lateral Thinking . . . 
Just Check This Out ! ! !!

 

Scroll down slowly and be honest to yourself.


Think like a wizard . . .


 




man
1. ------------
 
board
 

 


 










Ans. = man overboard


 




Okay, let's see if you've got the hang of it.








 





   stand
2. ------------
 
  i




















 


Ans. = I understand








 




OK . . .


 


Got the drift ?








 


Let's try a few now and see


 


how you fare ?


 





3. /r/e/a/d/i/n/ g/


 




 


 







Ans. = reading between the lines








 






4.       r
       road
         a
         d
 


 


 







Ans. = cross road








 



Not having a good day now, are you ?


 



Redeem yourself.





 




5.      cycle
 &nb! sp;      cycle
        cycle


 





 


 






Ans. = tricycle








 



Not easy to figure out ha!







 




       0
6. ------------
       M.D.
 
       Ph.D.


 






 


 






Ans. = two degrees below zero





 



C'mon give it a little thought ! !





 




       knee
7. ------------
 
       light


 






 


 






Ans. = neon light


 


( knee - on - light )








 




U can prove u r smart by getting this one.








 




                     ground
8.                    ------------ ---
 
         feet feet feet feet feet feet


 






 








 





Ans. = six feet underground





 



Oh no, not again ! !







 




9.  he's X  himself


 





 


 






Ans. = he's by himself





 



Now u messing up big time.





 




10. ecnalg


 





 


 






Ans. = backward glance








 



   Not even close ! !





 




11. death ..... life


 






 


 






Ans. = life after death








 



Okay last chance ............ ......


 




12. THINK


 





 


 







Ans. = think big ! !





 




And the last one is real fundoo - - -








 




13. ababaaabbbbaaaabbbb ababaabbaaabbbb. .


 




 


 







Ans. =  long time no 'C'

To enhance your knowledge regarding your health, financial and monetary conditions and wisdom, keep visiting Health, Wealth and Wisdom

To keep yourself updated regarding Dehradun and the world, please visit Doonspot

pic courtesy : http://www.funonthenet.in/images/stories/forwards/lateral%20thinking/lateral-thinking-4.gif,