r u married or getting married?

Years ago I asked God to send me a wife, for the Holy Book says “you have not because you ask not“. I told the Lord not just that I wanted a wife but even explained to him the kind of wife I was looking for.

I told him I wanted someone who is kind, tender, gentle, compassionate, loving, sincere, peaceful, generous, affectionate, understanding, passionate, warm, intelligent, humorous, sensual, and trustful. I even mentioned things I wanted her to be physically. And as time passed, I would add more things to this list of my heart desire for a wife.

Then one night in prayer God spoke to my heart and said... “Son I can not give you what you've asked me for.“ I said, “Why not Lord?“ He replied, “For I am a just God and a God of righteousness and all I do is just and right.“ I said, “Lord, I don't understand why I cannot have what I have asked you for.“

He replied, “Then I will explain. It would not be just and right for me to grant to you your wish for I cannot give unto you something that you are not yourself. It would not be fair for me to grant unto you a person that is loving if you can sometimes be hateful, or someone that is kind if you can also be mean, someone that is a forgiver and yet you can still carry a grudge, someone that is sensitive and you are yet so insensitive. .. etc.

He said unto me, “Instead of wasting time trying to find someone or hoping that I will give you someone with all these qualities you seek, you should rather allow me to take this time to allow you to become all it is that you are looking for. For I cannot give to you that which you are not.“

“And if you allow me to work up on your spirit and to shape and mold your heart as I choose then when you see the one I have for you, you will be able to say like Adam said... “She is bone of my bone and she is flesh of my flesh“ for you will see yourself in her for you both will be one flesh.“

Keep this in mind.
This is for all:
the recently married;
the ones who have been married;
the soon to get married;
and the ones that are still looking.

God made woman from man's rib --
not from his head to top him,
nor from his feet to be walked upon;
but from his side to be his partner in life,
from under his arm to be protected by him,
and from near his heart to be loved by him.

Whether or not you believe in God, much of the above still applies.

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My Fiancee's mother

Dear friend Abby:

I have been engaged for almost a year. I am to be married next month. 
My fiancée’s mother is not only very attractive [read Hot!] but really great and 
understanding. She is putting the entire wedding together and invited
me to her place to go over the invitation list because it had grown a
bit beyond what we had expected it to be. When I got to her place, we 
reviewed the list and trimmed it down to just under a hundred... then
she floored me. She said that in a month I would be a married man and 
that before that happened, she wanted to have sex with me.

Then she just stood up and walked to her bedroom and on her way said
that I knew where the front door was if I wanted to leave. I stood
there for about five minutes and finally decided that I knew exactly
how to deal with this situation.

I headed straight out the front door........ ....... 
There, leaning against my car, was her husband, my father-in-law to be.
He was smiling. He explained that they just wanted to be sure I was a 
good kid and would be true to their little girl. I shook his hand and
he congratulated me on passing their little test. Abby, should I tell
my fiancee what her parents did, and that I thought their "little test" 
was asinine and insulting to my character?

Or should I keep the whole thing to myself, including the fact that the 
reason I was walking out to my car was to get a condom?

Signed,

Confused

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The Secret to a Lasting Marriage: Embrace Imperfection

When I was a little girl, my mom liked to make breakfast  food for dinner every now and then. And I remember one night in particular when she had made breakfast after a long, hard day at work.

On that evening so long ago, my mom placed a plate of eggs, sausage, and extremely burned toast in front of my dad. I remember waiting to see if anyone noticed!

Yet, all my dad did was reached for his toast, smiled at my mom, and asked me how my day was at school.

I don't remember what I told him that night, but I do remember watching him smear butter and jelly on that toast and eat every bite!

When I got up from the table that evening, I remember hearing my mom apologize to  my dad for burning the toast.

And I'll never forget what he said:  "Baby, I love burned toast."

Later that night, I went to kiss Daddy good night and I asked him if  he really liked his toast burned. He wrapped me in his arms and said,  "Debbie, your mommy put in a hard day at work today and she's real tired. And besides, a little burnt toast never hurt anyone!"

In bed that night, I thought about that scene at dinner...and the kindness my daddy showed my mom. To this day, it's a cherished memory from my childhood that I'll never forget.

And it's one that came to mind just recently when Jack and I sat down to eat dinner.

I had arrived home late...as usual...and decided we would have  breakfast food for dinner.

Some things never change, I suppose!

To my amazement, I found the ingredients I needed,and quickly began to cook eggs, turkey sausage, and buttered toast. Thinking I had things under control, I glanced through the mail

for the day. It was only a few minutes later that I remembered that I had forgotten to take the toast out of the oven!

Now, had it been any other day -- and had we had more than two pieces of bread in the entire house -- I would have started all over.

But it had  been one of those days and I had just used up the last two pieces of bread. So burnt toast it was!

As I set the plate down in front of Jack, I waited for a comment about the toast. But all I got was a "Thank you!"

I watched as he ate bite by bite, all the time waiting for some comment about the toast.

But instead, all Jack said was, "Babe, this is great. Thanks for cooking tonight. I know you had a hard day."

As I took a bite of my charred toast that night, I thought about my mom and dad... how burnt toast hadn't been a deal-breaker for them. And I quietly thanked God for giving me a marriage where burnt toast wasn't a deal-breaker either!

You know, life is full of imperfect things...and imperfect people. I'm not the best housekeeper or cook. And you might be surprised to find out that Jack isn't the perfect husband! He likes to play his music too loud, he will always find a way to avoid yard work,

and he watches far too many sports. Believe it or not, watching " Golf Academy " is not my
idea of a great night at home!

But somehow in the past 37 years Jack and I have learned to accept the imperfections in each other. Over time, we have stopped trying to make each other in our own mold and have learned to celebrate our differences. You might say that we've learned to love each otherfor who we really are!

For example, I like to take my time, I'm a perfectionist, and I'm  even-tempered. I tend to work too much and sleep too little.  Jack, on the other hand, is disciplined, studious, an early riser, and is a marketer's dream consumer. I count pennies and Jack could care less!  

Where he is strong, I am weak, and vice versa.

And while you might say that Jack and I are opposites, we're also very much alike. I can look at him and tell you what he's thinking. I can predict his actions before he finalizes his plans. On the other hand, he knows whether I'm troubled or not the moment I enter a room.

We share the same goals.

We love the same things.

And we are still best friends.

We've traveled through many valleys and

enjoyed many  mountaintops.

And yet, at the same time, Jack and I must work every
minute of every day to make this thing called "marriage" work!

What I've learned over the years is that learning to accept

each other's faults - and choosing to celebrate each other's

differences - is the one of the most important keys

to creating a healthy, growing, and lasting marriage relationship.

And that's my prayer for you today.

That you will learn to take the  good, the bad, and the ugly parts

of your married life and lay them at the feet of GOD.

Because in the end, He's the only One who will be able to give you

a marriage where burnt toast isn't a deal-breaker!

Have a great day! May God bless your marriage.

Now, Thats great .... you tell me,

How far Marriage life could mould the human being ? . 

Most of the cases,misunderstanding causes major pitfalls

and the same time, communication between each other

should be always open !!!

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The Middle Wife

I 've been teaching now for about fifteen years.

I have two children myself, but the best birth story I know is the one I saw in my own second-grade classroom a few years back.

When I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell.

So, I always have a few sessions with  my students.

It helps them get over shyness and usually, show-and-tell is pretty tame.

Kids bring in pet turtles, model airplanes, pictures of fish they catch, stuff like that.

And I never, ever place any boundaries or limitations on them.

If they want to lug it in to school and talk about it, they're  welcome.

Well, one day a little girl, Erica, a very bright, very outgoing child, took her turn and waddled up to the front of the class with a pillow  stuffed under her sweater.

She held up a snapshot of an infant.

'This is Luke, my baby brother, and I'm going to tell you about his birthday.'

'First, Mum and Dad made him as a symbol of their love, and then Dad put a seed in my Mum's stomach, and Luke grew in there.

He ate for nine months through an 'umbrella cord.' 

She was standing there with her hands on the pillow, and I was trying not to laugh  was and that wishing I had my camcorder with me.

The kids are watching her in amazement.

'Then, about two Saturdays ago, my Mum started saying and going,

'Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh!' 

Erica put a hand behind her back and groaned.

'She walked around the house for, like an hour, saying

'Oh, oh,  oh!'

Now this kid is doing a hysterical duck walk and groaning.

'My Dad called the middle wife. She delivers babies, but she doesn't have a sign on the car like the Domino's man. They got my Mum to lie down in bed like this.'

Then, Erica laid down with her back against the wall. 

'And then, pop! My Mum had this bag of water she kept in there in case he got thirsty, and it just blew up and spilled all over the bed, like psshhheew!'

This kid had her legs spread with her little hands miming water flowing away.

It was too much!

'Then the middle wife started saying 'push, push,'  and 'breathe, breathe.

They started   counting, but never even got past ten.

Then, all of a sudden, out came my brother.

He was covered in yucky stuff that they all said it was from Mum's play-centre, so there must be a heck of a lot of toys inside there.'

Then, Erica stood up, took a big theatrical bow and  returned to her seat.

I'm sure I applauded the loudest.

Ever since then, when it's show-and-tell day, I bring my camcorder, just in case another 'Middle  Wife' comes along. 

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Old Groom and Young Bride

The 70-year old groom and the 25-year old bride attracted raised eyebrow attention as they checked into the resort hotel. Next morning at eight sharp, the groom came into the dining room whistling a gay tune, sat down at a table and ordered ham and eggs.

The smile on his face and the twinkle in his eye told everybody present that he was happy and confident.
Fifteen minutes later the young bride slowly trudged into the dining room and seated herself across from her 70-year  old. Her face was drawn and her voice weak as she ordered toast and coffee.

The groom, now finished, excused himself and strolled into the lobby for his morning cigar.
As the waitress approached with the bride's toast and coffee, she said, "Honey, I don't understand it. Here you are a young bride with an old husband, looking like you've encountered a buzz saw."

"That guy," said the bride, "double crossed me. He told me he saved up for 60 years

and I thought he was talking about money!"

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Three couples and Church regulations

Three couples, an elderly couple, a middle aged couple and a young
newlywed couple wanted to join a church.

The pastor says, "We have special requirements for new parishioners.
You must abstain from having sex for two weeks."

The couples agreed and came back at the end of two weeks. The pastor
goes to the elderly couple and asks, "Were you able to abstain from sex
for the two weeks?"

The old man replies, "No problem at all, Pastor."

"Congratulations! Welcome to the church." said the pastor. The pastor
goes to the middle aged couple and asks, "Well, were you able to abstain
from sex for the two weeks?"

The man replied, "The first week was not too bad. The second week I
had to sleep on the couch for a couple of nights but, yes we made it.

"Congratulations!
Welcome to the church." said the pastor. The pastor then goes to the
newlywed couple and asks, 'Well, were you able to abstain from sex for
two weeks?"

"Well Pastor, we were not able to go without sex for the two weeks,"
the young man replied.

"What happened?" inquired the pastor.
"My wife was reaching for a can of corn on the top shelf and dropped it.
When she bent over to pick it up, I was over come with lust and took
advantage of her right there."

"You understand of course, this means you will not be welcome in our
church," stated the pastor.

"That's OK." said the young man, "We're not welcome at Reliance Fresh anymore,
either."

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Vacancy in CIA

The CIA was recruiting for a top secret assignment. They were down to three recruits, two men and one woman. Only one could get the position. As a final test each recruit was led down a hallway to a large gray door. The CIA agents say to the first man, "We need to know that you will do whatever we say regardless of the circumstances. Take this gun, go into this room and kill your wife". A look of shock comes over the man's face. He says, "I can't kill my wife. I just can't do it. I guess I'm not the man for this job". "No, you're not", agree the agents, "You're free to go". 

They bring the second man to the door and say, "We need to know that you will do whatever we say regardless of the circumstances. Take this gun, go into this room and kill your wife". The man takes the gun and goes into the room. The room is silent and after five minutes the man opens the door, tears streaming down his face. "I tried," he says, "but I just couldn't do it. I can't kill my wife". The agents let him leave. 

They bring the woman to the door and say, "We need to know that you will do whatever we say regardless of the circumstances. Take this gun, go into this room and kill your husband". She takes the gun and before the door closes  behind her, she shoots off all 13 rounds emptying the gun.

 The door closes behind her and for the next five minutes the agents hear loud banging and grunting. The door finally opens, revealing the sweat-drenched woman. She looks at both agents, wipes her brow and says, "Whew!

You guys didn't tell me that the gun was filled with blanks - I had to beat him to death with the chair!"

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Husband and wife

A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.

Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen.

"Careful," he said, "CAREFUL! Put in some more butter!
Oh my GOD! You're cooking too many at once.
TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW!
We need more butter. Oh my GOD!
WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER?
They're going to STICK! Careful . CAREFUL!
I said be CAREFUL!
You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never!
Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY?
Have you LOST your mind?
Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!"

The wife stared at him. "What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"

The husband calmly replied, "I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving."

********************************************************************

A smartly attired lady was walking down the street when she was

accosted

by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking

homeless woman who asked her for a couple of

dollars for dinner.

She took out her wallet, removed ten dollars and

asked,

'If I give you this money, will you buy wine with

it instead of dinner?'

'No, I had to stop drinking years ago', the

homeless woman told her.

'Will you use it to go shopping instead of buying

food?' the lady asked.

'No, I don't waste time shopping,' the homeless

woman said. 'I need to spend all my time trying

to stay alive.'

'Will you spend this on a beauty salon instead of

food?' the lady asked.

'Are you NUTS!' replied the homeless woman.

I haven't had my hair done in 20 years!'

'Well, the lady said, 'I'm not going to give you the

money. Instead, I'm going to take you out for

dinner with my husband and me tonight.'

The homeless Woman was shocked. 'Won't your

husband be furious with you for doing that? I know

I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting.'

The lady replied, 'That's okay. It's important for him to see what a woman looks like after she has given up

shopping, hair appointments, and wine.'

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You are in Heaven.....

Rob kissed his wife, crawled into bed and fell asleep. All of a
Sudden, he woke up to find an elderly man dressed in a white robe
Standing at the foot of his bed.

" What the hell are you doing in my bedroom?... And who are you?"
He asked.

" This is not your bedroom," the man replied, " I am St. Peter, and
You are in heaven."

" WHAT! Are you saying I'm dead? I don't want to die! I'm too
Young," said Rob. "I want you to send me back immediately."

" It's not that easy", said St.Peter. " You can only return as a
Dog or a hen. The choice is yours."

Rob thought about it for a while, and figured that being a dog is
Too tiring, but a hen probably has a nice and relaxed life.

" I want to return as a hen."

And in the next second, he found himself in a chicken run, really
Nicely feathered. But now he felt like his rear end was gonna
Blow. Then along came another hen.

" Hey, you must be the new hen St. Pe! Ter told me about," she said.
" How do you like being a hen?"

" Well, OK I guess, but it feels like my ass is about to explode."

" Oh that!" said the other hen. " That's only the ovulation going
On. You need to lay an egg."

" How do I do that?"  Rob asked.

" Cluck twice, and then push all you can."

Rob clucked twice and pushed more than he was good for, and then
' plop' an egg was on the ground.

" Wow" Rob said, " That felt really good!"

So he clucked again and squeezed. And you better believe that
There was another egg on the ground.

The third time he clucked, he heard his wife shout:

" Rob, for Christ's sake! Wake up! You're shittin' all over the
Bed!"

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