How does the stock market work?

A stockbroker was cold-calling about a penny stock and found a taker.

"I think this one will really move," said the broker, "It's only $1 a share." "Buy me 1,000 shares," said the client.

Also read Greediness pays badly

The next day the stock was at $2. The client called the broker and said, "You were right, give me 5,000 more shares."

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The next day the client looked in the paper and saw the stock was at $4. The client ran to the phone and called the broker, "Get me 10,000 more shares," said the client. "Great!" said the broker.

 Also read What you have to say about these Intelligent People?

The next day the client looked in the paper and saw the stock was at $9. Seeing what a great profit he had in just a few days, the client ran to the phone and told the broker, "Sell all my shares!"

Must see Dumb or Smart

 

The broker said, "To whom? You were the only one buying that stock."

pic courtesy : http://0.tqn.com/d/beginnersinvest/1/0/i/K/stock-broker-stock-trading.png, 

Greediness pays badly

Once upon a time in a village, a man appeared and announced to the villagers that he would buy monkeys for Rs10/-.

Also read: What you have to say about these Intelligent People?

The villagers seeing that there were many monkeys around, went out to the forest and started catching them. The man bought hundreds at Rs10/- and as supply started to diminish, the villagers stopped their effort. He further announced that he would now buy at Rs20/-. This renewed the efforts of the villagers and they started catching monkeys again.

Also read: How does the Stock Market work?

Soon the supply diminished even further and people started going back to their farms. The offer rate increased to Rs25 and the supply of monkeys became so little that it was an effort to even see a monkey let alone catch it.

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The man now announced that he would buy monkeys at Rs50! However, since he had to go to the city on some business, his assistant would now buy on behalf of him. In the absence of the man, the assistant told the villagers. Look at all these monkeys in the big cage that the man has collected. I will sell them to you at Rs35 and when the man returns from the city, you can sell it to him for Rs50." The villagers squeezed up with all their savings to buy the monkeys. Then they never saw the man nor his assistant, only monkeys everywhere!!

pic courtesy : http://enjoyingindia.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/monkey.jpg, 

Eat your words- III

17. "Professor Goddard does not know the relation between action and reaction and the need to have something better than a vacuum against which to react.  He seems to lack the basic knowledge ladled out daily in high schools."  --1921 New York Times editorial about Robert Goddard's
revolutionary rocket work.


18. "You want to have consistent and uniform muscle development across all of your muscles? It can't be done. It's just a fact of life. You just have to accept inconsistent muscle development as an unalterable condition of
weight training."  --Response to Arthur Jones, who solved the "unsolvable"
problem by inventing Nautilus.


19. "Drill for oil? You mean drill into the ground to try and find oil? You're
crazy."  --Drillers who Edwin L. Drake tried to enlist to his project to
drill for oil in 1859.


20. "Stocks have reached what looks like a permanently high  plateau."
--Irving Fisher, Professor of Economics, Yale University, 1929.


21. "Airplanes are interesting toys but of no military value."  --Marechal
Ferdinand Foch, Professor of Strategy, Ecole Superieure de Guerre.


22. "Everything that can be invented has been invented."  --Charles H. Duell,
Commissioner, U.S. Office of Patents, 1899.


23. "Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction".  --Pierre Pachet,
Professor of Physiology at Toulouse, 1872


24. "The abdomen, the chest, and the brain will forever be shut from the
intrusion of the wise and humane surgeon".  --Sir John Eric Ericksen,
British surgeon, appointed Surgeon-Extraordinary to Queen Victoria 1873.

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Eat your words again plz...

9. "The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better
than a 'C,' the idea must be feasible."  --A Yale University management
professor in response to Fred Smith's paper proposing reliable overnight
delivery service. (Smith went on to found Federal Express Corp.)


10. "Who the hell wants to hear actors talk?"  --H.M. Warner, Warner Brothers,1927.

11. "I'm just glad it'll be Clark Gable who's falling on his face and not Gary

Cooper."  --Gary Cooper on his decision not to take the leading role in

"Gone With The Wind."

12. "A cookie store is a bad idea. Besides, the market research reports say

America likes crispy cookies, not soft and chewy cookies like you make."

--Response to Debbi Fields' idea of starting Mrs. Fields' Cookies.

13. "We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out."  --Decca

Recording Co. rejecting the Beatles, 1962.

14. "Heavier-than- air flying machines are impossible."  --Lord Kelvin,

president, Royal Society, 1895.

15. "If I had thought about it, I wouldn't have done the experiment. The

literature was full of examples that said you can't do this."  --Spencer

Silver on the work that led to the unique adhesives for 3-M "Post-It" Notepads.

16. "So we went to Atari and said, 'Hey, we've got this amazing thing, even

built with some of your parts, and what do you think about funding us? Or

we'll give it to you. We just want to do it. Pay our salary, we'll come

work for you.' And they said, 'No.' So then we went to Hewlett-Packard,

and they said, 'Hey, we don't need you. You haven't got through college

yet.'"  --Apple Computer Inc. founder Steve Jobs on attempts to get Atari

and H-P interested in his and Steve Wozniak's personal computer.

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Eat your words, please

1. "640K ought to be enough for anybody."  -- Bill Gates, 1981


2. Computers in the future may weigh no more than 1.5 tons."  --Popular
Mechanics, forecasting the relentless march of science, 1949


3. I think there is a world market for maybe five computers."  --Thomas
Watson, chairman of IBM, 1943


4. "I have traveled the length and breadth of this country and walked with
the best people, and I can assure you that data processing is a fad that
won't last out the year."  --The editor in charge of business books for
Prentice Hall, 1957


5. "But what ... is it good for?"  --Engineer at the Advanced Computing
Systems Division of IBM, 1968, commenting on the microchip.


6. "There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home."  --Ken
Olson, president, chairman and founder of Digital Equipment Corp., 1977


7. "This 'telephone' has too many shortcomings to be seriously considered as
a means of communication. The device is inherently of no value to us."
--Western Union internal memo, 1876.


8. "The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value.  Who would pay
for a message sent to nobody in particular?"  --David Sarnoff's associates
in response to his urgings for investment in the radio in the 1920s.

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Software Problem

In March 1992 a man living in Newton, near Boston, received a bill for his as yet unused credit card stating that he owed $0.00. He ignored it and threw it away. In April he received another and threw that one away, too. The following month the credit card company sent him a very nasty note stating they were going to cancel his card if he didn't send them $0.00 by return of post. He called them, talked to them, they said it was a computer error and told him they'd take care of it.

The following month our hero decided that it was about time that he tried out the troublesome credit card figuring that if there were purchases on his account it would put an end to his ridiculous predicament. However, in the first store that he produced his credit card in payment for his purchases, he found that his card had been cancelled.

He called the credit card company who apologized for the computer error once again and said that they would take care of it. The next day he got a bill for $0.00 stating that payment was now overdue. Assuming that having spoken to the credit card company only the previous day, the
latest bill was yet another mistake. So he ignored it, and trusted that the company would be as good as their word and sort the problem out.

The next month he got a bill for $0.00 stating that he had 10 days to pay his account or the company would have to take steps to recover the debt. Finally giving in he thought he would play the company at their own game and mailed them a check for $0.00. The computer duly processed his account and returned a statement to the effect that he now owed the credit card company nothing at all.

A week later, the man's bank called him asking him what he was doing writing a check for $0.00. After a lengthy explanation the bank replied that the $0.00 check had caused their check processing software to fail.

The bank could not now process ANY checks from ANY of their customers that day because the check for $0.00 was causing the computer to crash. The following month the man received a letter from the credit card company claiming that his check had bounced and that he now owed them $0.00 and unless he sent a check by return of post they would be taking steps to recover the debt.

The man, who had been considering buying his wife a computer for her birthday, bought her a typewriter instead.

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10 most stupid questions people usually ask in obvious situations.

1. At the movies: When you meet acquaintances/friends...

Stupid Question:-

Hey, what are you doing here?

Answer:-

Dont u know, I sell tickets in black over here..

2. In the bus: A heavy lady wearing pointed high-heeled shoes steps on

your feet...

Stupid Question:-

Sorry, did that hurt?

Answer:-

No, not at all, I'm on local anesthesia.....why don't you try again.

3. At a funeral: One of the teary-eyed people ask...

Stupid Question:-

Why, why him, of all people.

Answer:-

Why? Would it rather have been you?

4. At a restaurant: When you ask the waiter

Stupid Question:-

Is ! the "Butter Paneer Masala" dish good??

Answer:-

No, its terrible and made of adulterated cement. We occassionaly also

spit in it.

5. At a family get-together: When some distant aunt meets you after

years...

Stupid Question:-

Munna, Chickoo, you've become so big.

Answer:-

Well you haven't particularly shrunk yourself.

6. When a friend announces her wedding, and you ask...

Stupid Question:-

Is the guy you're marrying good?

Answer:-

No,he's a miserable wife-beating , insensitive lout...it's just the

money.

7. When you get woken up at midnight by a phone call...

Stupid Question:-

Sorry. were you sleeping?

Answer:-

No. I was doing research on whether the Zulu tribes in Africa marry or

not. You thought I was sleeping....you dumb witted moron.

8. When you see a friend/colleague with evidently shorter hair...

Stupid Question:-

Hey have you had a haircut?

Answer:-

No, its autumn and I'm shedding......

9. At the dentist when he's sticking pointed objects in your mouth...

Stupid Question:-

Tell me if it hurts?

Answer:-

No it wont. It will just bleed.

10. You are smoking a cigarette and a cute woman asks...

Stupid Question:-

Oh, so you smoke.

Answer:-

Gosh, it's a miracle .......it was a piece of chalk and now it's in

flames!!!