Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Let's laugh

Bank Robbery
A man with a gun goes into a bank and demands their money. Once he is given the money, he turns to a customer and asks, "Did you see me rob this bank?"

The man replied, "Yes sir, I did." The robber then shot him in the temple, killing him instantly.

He then turned to a couple standing next to him and asked the man, "Did you see me rob this bank?"

The man replied, "No sir, I didn't, but my wife did."

Wedding Rehearsal
During the wedding rehearsal, the groom approached the preacher with an unusual offer.
"Look, I'll give you $100 if you'll change the wedding vows. When you get to me and the part where I'm to promise to "love, honor and cherish" and "forsaking all others, be faithful to her forever," I'd appreciate it if you'd just leave that part out." He passed the minister a $100 bill and walked away satisfied.

It is now the day of the wedding, and the bride and groom have moved to that part of the ceremony where the vows are exchanged. When it comes time for the groom's vows, the preacher looks the young man in the eye and says:

"Will you promise to prostrate yourself before her, obey her every command and wish, serve her breakfast in bed every morning of your life and vow eternally before God and your lovely wife that you will not ever even look at another woman, as long as you both shall live?"

The groom gulped and looked around, and said in a tiny voice, "Yes."
The groom leaned toward the preacher and whispered: "I thought we had a deal."
The preacher put the $100 bill into his hand and whispered back: "She made me a much better offer."

Deadlock
Boss said to secretary: For a week we will go abroad, so make arrangement.
Secretary make call to Husband: For a week my boss and I will be going abroad, you look after yourself.
Husband make call to secret lover: My wife is going abroad for a week, so let’s spend the week together.
Secret lover make call to small boy whom she is giving private tuition: I have work for a week, so you need not come for class.
Small boy make call to his grandfather: Grandpa, for a week I don't have class 'coz my teacher is busy. Let’s spend the week together.

Grandpa (the 1st boss ;) make call to his secretary: This week I am spending my time with my grandson. We cannot attend that meeting.
Secretary make call to her husband: This week my boss has some work, we cancelled our trip.
Husband make call to secret lover: We cannot spend this week together; my wife has cancelled her trip.
Secret lover make call to small boy whom she is giving private tuition: This week we will have class as usual.
Small boy make call to his grandfather: Grandpa, my teacher said this week I have to attend class. Sorry I can't give you company.
Grandpa make call to his secretary: Don't worry this week we will attend that meeting, so make arrangement. This is called
DEAD LOCK

The seven words women use
Below are the 7 words WOMEN uses:-

FINE
This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

FIVE MINUTES
If she is getting dressed, this is half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given 5 more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

NOTHING
This is the calm before the storm. This means "something," and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with 'Nothing' usually end in "Fine"

GO AHEAD
This is a dare, not permission. Don't do it.

LOUD SIGH
This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing"

THAT'S OKAY
This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

THANKS
A woman is thanking you. Do not question it or faint. Just say you're welcome.

WHATEVER
It's a woman's way of saying *!#@ YOU!

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