TIME FOR SOME LAUGHS...

Two doctors Dr Smith and Dr. Jones, one a psychiatrist and the other a Proctologist opened an office in a small town and put up a sign:

"Hysteria's and Posteriors."

The town council was not happy with the sign, so the doctors changed it To read: "Schizoids and Hemorrhoids.”

This was not acceptable either, so in an effort to satisfy the council, they changed the sign to: "Catatonics and High Colonic's" No go.

Next, they tried: "Manic Depressives and Anal Reten tive." Thumbs down Again.

Then came: "Minds and Behinds." Still no good.

Another attempt resulted in: "Lost Souls and Butt Holes." Unacceptable again.

So they tried: "Analysis and Anal Cysts." No way!

"Freaks and Cheeks?" Still a no go.

"Loons and Moons?" Forget it.

Almost at their wit's end, the doctors finally came up with:

"Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones, Odds and Ends."

Everyone loved it!

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Father and Daughter

A man and his little girl were on an overcrowded elevator. Suddenly a woman in front turned around, slapped him and left in a huff.

The little girl remarked, "That's okay, Daddy, I didn't like her either, she was stepping all over my toes. That's why I pinched her."

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EMBARRASSMENT WITH SOME NAMES:

Back in Mumbai, when I was introduced to a guy Mr. Arvind Lele, he extended his hand and said 'Lele'. Taking his hand, I found it impossible to avoid replying 'Dede'.

He had a Goan wife who had separated from him, since her first name and the surname did not go together when she got married. Her name was Rosemary. You can see it was pretty embarrassing for her every time she said her full name in Hindi - Roz Meri Lele!

Out in USA, imagine the plight of an American lady introducing two Indians to each other with a straight face: She gestures towards the Indian lady, saying 'See my butt', and then towards the guy with 'Shake my boob'. That is how Seema Bhatt met Sheikh Mehboob.

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Man and Woman

Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before?

Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.

Man: Is this seat empty?

Woman: Yes and this one will be if you sit down.

Man: Your place or mine?

Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.

Man: So, what do you do for a living?

Woman: I'm a female impersonator.

Man: Hey baby, what's your sign?

Woman: Do not enter.

Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning?

Woman: Unferrtilized.

Man: Your body is like a temple.

Woman: Sorry, there are no services today.

Man: I would go to the end of the world for you.

Woman: But would you stay there?

Man: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.

Woman: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

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tags : man, woman, father, daughter, eggs, freaks, doctors

pic courtesy: http://www.mediadonis.net/, 

Some Thoughts....

Whenever I find the key to success, someone changes the lock.
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To Err is human, to forgive is not a COMPANY policy.
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The road to success - Is always under construction.
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Alcohol doesn't solve any problems, but if you think again, neither does Milk.
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In order to get a Loan, you first need to prove that you don't need it.
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All the desirable things in life are illegal, expensive or fattening.
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Since Light travels faster than Sound, people appear brighter before you hear them speak.
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Everyone has a scheme of getting rich? Which never works?
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If at first you don't succeed?. Destroy all evidence that you ever tried.
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You can never determine which side of the bread to butter. If it falls down, it will always land on the buttered side.
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Anything dropped on the floor will roll over to the most inaccessible corner.
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***** 42.7% of all statistics is made on the spot. *****
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As soon as you mention something?? If it is good, it is taken? If it is bad, it happens.
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He, who has the gold, makes the rules ---- Murphy's golden rule.
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If you come early, the bus is late. If you come late?? The bus is still late.
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Once you have bought something, you will find the same item being sold somewhere else at a cheaper rate.
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When in a queue, the other line always moves faster and the person in front of you will always have the most complex of transactions.
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If you have paper, you don't have a pen? If you have a pen, you don't have paper?? If you have both, no one calls.
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Especially for engg. Students----
If you have bunked the class, the professor has taken attendance.
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You will pick up maximum wrong numbers when on roaming.
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The door bell or your mobile will always ring when you are in the bathroom.
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After a long wait for bus no.20, two 20 number buses will always pull in together and the bus which you get in will be crowded than the other.
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If your exam is tomorrow, there will be a power cut tonight.
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Irrespective of the direction of the wind, the smoke from the cigarette will always tend to go to the non-smoker

To enhance your knowledge regarding your health, financial and monetary conditions and wisdom, keep visiting Health, Wealth and Wisdom

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tags : mobile, cigarette, door bell, company

1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time...I know where my watch is pal, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?

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2. People who are willing to get off their ass to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually.

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3. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". Damn right! What good is cake if you can't eat it?

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4. When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why the hell would you keep looking after you've found it?

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5. When people say while watching a film "did you see that?" No Loser, I paid Rs.125 to come to the cinema and stare at the damn floor.

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6. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?"... .. Didn't really give me a choice there, did ya sunshine?

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7. When something is 'new and improved!' Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it, couldn't be new.

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8. When people say "life is short". What the hell?? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever does!! What can you do that's longer?

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9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks "Has the bus come yet?” If the bus came would I be standing here, dumb ass?

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To enhance your knowledge regarding your health, financial and monetary conditions and wisdom, keep visiting Health, Wealth and Wisdom

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pic courtesy: http://www.ploomy.com/wp-content, 

From Now on.....

1. From now on, every time anyone asks you how you are? The answer is always and forever a very, very positive --- [Great! Terrific! Fantastic!]

NO MATTER HOW YOU REALLY FEEL!

It doesn't matter! You are trying to change you!

FOREVER!

2. From now on, you commit to taking full and total responsibility for your circumstances, your results and how you feel! It will always be your responsibility and that of your brain cells and no one else's!

3. From now on, you will always learn new things everyday!

4. From now on, you will stop yourself from completing any and every negative thought or words, and turn them into a positive, before you go on to anything else!

5. From now on, you will always every day do something new, strange, crazy, silly, out of the box, embarrassing, or that is otherwise "not like you".

6. From now on, you will always, set a goal by putting it down in writing.

7. From now on, you will willingly and eagerly fail at something important every day---and learn from it!

8. From now on, you will every day of your life, tell at least two people that you love them. (One should always be you, even if you don't believe it yet!)

9. From now on, you will every day of your life, do an exercise regimen for your brain or your body. (Preferably both!)

10. From now on, you will stop and look to see what everyone else is doing, and then choose to probably do the opposite!

To enhance your knowledge regarding your health, financial and monetary conditions and wisdom, keep visiting Health, Wealth and Wisdom

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tags : goal, positive, opposite, forever, fine