Dogs and cats

Smart Dog

A butcher is working, and really busy. He notices a dog in his shop and shoos him away. Later, he notices the dog is back again. He walks over to the dog, and notices the dog has a note in his mouth. The butcher takes the note, and it reads, "Can I have 12 sausages and a leg of lamb, please."

The butcher looks, and lo and behold, in the dog's mouth, there is a ten dollar bill. So the butcher takes the money, puts the sausages and lamb in a bag, and places it in the dog's mouth. The butcher is very impressed, and since it's closing time, he decides to close up shop and follow the dog.

So, off he goes. The dog is walking down the street and comes to a crossing. The dog puts down the bag, jumps up and presses the crossing button. Then he waits patiently, bag in mouth, for the lights to change. They do, and he walks across the road, with the butcher following.

The dog then comes to a bus stop, and starts looking at the timetable. The butcher is in awe at this stage. The dog checks out the times, and sits on one of the seats to wait for the bus.

Along comes a bus. The dog walks to the front of the bus, looks at the number, and goes back to his seat. Another bus comes. Again the dog goes and looks at the number, notices it's the right bus, and climbs on.

The butcher, by now open-mouthed, follows him onto the bus. The bus travels thru town and out to the suburbs. Eventually the dog gets up, moves to the front of the bus, and standing on his hind legs, pushes the button to stop the bus. The dog gets off, groceries still in his mouth, and the butcher still following.

They walk down the road, and the dog approaches a house. He walks up the path, and drops the groceries on the step. Then he walks back down the path, takes a big run, and throws himself -whap!- against the door. He goes back down the path, takes another run, and throws himself -whap!- against the door again!

There's no answer at the door, so the dog goes back down the path, jumps up on a narrow wall, and walks along the perimeter of the garden. He gets to a window, and bangs his head against it several times. He walks back, jumps off the wall, and waits at the door. The butcher watches as a big guy opens the door, and starts laying into the dog, really yelling at him.

The butcher runs up and stops the guy. "What the heck are you doing? This dog is a genius. He could be on TV, for God's sake!"

To which the guy responds, "Clever, my ass. This is the second time this week he's forgotten his key!"

Dog Property Laws

1. If I like it, it's mine.

2. If it’s in my mouth, it's mine.

3. If I can take it from you, it's mine.

4. If I had it a little while ago, it's mine.

5. If I'm chewing something up, all the pieces are mine.

6. If its mine, it must never appear to be yours anyway.

7. If it just looks like mine, its mine.

8. If I saw it first, its mine.

9. If you are playing with something and you put it down, it automatically becomes mine.

10. If it’s broken, it’s yours.

Pussy Cat

One day a fly was flying over a lake. In the lake a trout said to himself, "If that fly will drop four inches, I can jump out and catch it." Behind a shrub a bear said to himself, "If that fly will drop four inches, the trout will jump out of the water and catch it, so I can reach out and grab the trout." On a hill sat a hunter who said, "If that fly will drop four inches, the trout will jump out of the water and catch it, the bear will reach out and grab the trout, and it will expose him for a clear shot." Behind A bush there was a rat who said, "If that fly will drop four inches, the trout will jump out of the water and catch it, the bear will reach out and grab the trout, the hunter will have a clear shot at the bear and run down to get his kill, and I can steal his food." Behind a tree was a cat who said, "If that fly will drop four inches, the trout will jump out of the water and catch it, the bear will reach out and grab the trout, the hunter will have a clear shot at the bear and run down to get his kill, the rat will steal the hunter's food, and I can pounce on the rat."

Well, everything began: the fly dropped four inches, the trout caught the fly, the bear reached out and grabbed the trout exposing himself, the hunter shot the bear and ran down for his kill, the rat stole the hunter's food, and thecat tripped and rolled all the way down the hill into the lake.

Moral: When the fly drops, the pussy gets wet.

To enhance your knowledge regarding your health, financial and monetary conditions and wisdom, keep visiting Health, Wealth and Wisdom

To keep yourself updated regarding Dehradun and the world, please visit Doonspot

http://www.thefunnypets.com, pic courtesy: http://farm1.static.flickr.com, 

Hey dirty mind...

1. What's in front of a woman and back of a cow?

The letter W.

2. What starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?

Coconut.

3. What's about 6 inches long has a vein running down it, and women love to get their hands on?

A $100 bill.

4. What goes in hard and solid then comes out soft and sticky?

Bubble-gum.

5. What is long, hard and round and sticks so far out a man's pajamas that you can hang a hat on it?

His head.

6. What does a man do standing up, a woman do sitting down, and a dog does on three legs?

Shake hands.

7. What is it that a woman has two and a cow has four?

Legs.

8. What assists an erection, often has big balls hanging from it, and is also called a big swinger?

A crane.

9. What do you stick poles inside of, tie down to get it up. And, also gets wet before you do?

A tent.

10. When I go in I cause pain. I cause you to spit and ask you not to swallow. I can fill your hole.

A dentist.

11. What do you stick your finger in and fiddle with when you're bored?

The best man always has me first... A wedding ring.

12. All day long, it's in and out. I discharge loads from my shaft. Both, men and women go down on me...

An elevator.

13. What comes in many sizes, drips when it is not well, and makes you feel good when you blow it?

A nose.

14. When I miss, I hit your bush. It's my job to stuff your box. When I come, it's news.

A newspaper boy.

15. I offer Protection. I get the finger ten times. You use your fingers to get me off.

A glove.

16. What has a stiff shaft, has a penetrating tip, and comes with a quiver?

An arrow.

17. I make some guys shoot in the air. I usually have a little pecker. I'm better in your hand than in your bush.

A bird.

18. This is a useful tool, commonly found in the range of 6 inches long, the functioning of which is enjoyed by members of both sexes.

It is usually found hung, dangling loosely, ready for instant action. It boasts of a clump of little hairy things at one end

And a small hole at the other. In use, it is quickly inserted, almost always willingly, sometimes slowly, sometimes quickly, into a warm, fleshy, moist opening where it is thrust in and drawn out

Again and again many times in succession, often quickly and accompanied by squirming bodily movements. Anyone found listening in will most surely recognize the rhythmic, pulsing sound resulting from the well-lubricated movements. When finally, withdrawn, it leaves behind a juicy, frothy, sticky white substance, some of which will need cleaning from the outer surfaces of the opening and some from its long glistening shaft.

After everything is done and the flowing and cleansing liquids have ceased emanating, it is returned to its freely hanging state of rest, ready for yet another bit of action, hopefully reaching its bristling climax twice or three times a day, but often much less. What is it?

It is your very own toothbrush.

To enhance your knowledge regarding your health, financial and monetary conditions and wisdom, keep visiting Health, Wealth and Wisdom

To keep yourself updated regarding Dehradun and the world, please visit Doonspot

pic courtesy : http://xaxor.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/Dirty-mind-pics27.jpg

Wallpapers and cool dialogues

To enhance your knowledge regarding your health, financial and monetary conditions and wisdom, keep visiting Health, Wealth and Wisdom

To keep yourself updated regarding Dehradun and the world, please visit Doonspot

pic courtesy: www.despair.com,

You want to insult someone? Let me help you...

* I heard you went to have your head examined, but the doctors found nothing there.

* Don't get me wrong. I`m not trying to make a monkey out of you. I can’t take the credit.

* This is no battle of wits between u & me. I never pick on an unarmed man.

* Look, don't go to a mind reader; go to a palmist; I know you've got a palm.

* We think of you when we are lonely. Then we are content to be alone.

* Hey, how come even though you are still alive your parents are in mourning for you?

* I'd like to break the monotony; where's your weakest point?

* I hear you are an officer. Your rank is -- just plain rank!

* Whatever anyone says to you goes in one ear and out the other because nothing is blocking traffic.

· If you were orphaned when you were a child, I feel sorry for you, but not for your parents.

· If you don't want to give people a bad name, you will have your children illegitimately.

·I bet your brain feels as good as new, seeing that you've never used it.

· They say that two heads are better than one. In your case, one would have been better than none.

·You should toss out more of your funny remarks; that's all they're good for.

·People can't say that you have absolutely nothing! After all, you have inferiority!

·You must have a low opinion of people if you think they're your equals.

·I wish you were all here. I don't like to think there is more!

If we were to kill everybody who hates you, it wouldn't be murder; it would be genocide!

To enhance your knowledge regarding your health, financial and monetary conditions and wisdom, keep visiting Health, Wealth and Wisdom

To keep yourself updated regarding Dehradun and the world, please visit Doonspot

pic courtesy: http://i31.photobucket.com,