Laugh a little guys.....

Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.

• I asked my new girlfriend what sort of books she's interested in, she said: Cheque books.

• The easiest way to make your old car run better, is to check the prices of new car.

• Sometimes when I reflect back on all the ciggarettes I smoked, i feel ashamed. Then I look into the ciggarette & think about the workers in the ciggarette factory & all of their hopes & dreams. If I dont smoke this ciggarette, they might be out of work & their dreams would be shattered, Then I say to myself, it's better that I smoke this ciggarette & let their dreams come true then be selfish & worry about my LUNGS.

• Several women appeared in court, each accusing the other of the trouble in the flat where they lived. The judge called for orderly testimony. "I'll hear the oldest first," he decreed. The case was closed for lack of evidence.

• What is the difference between men and pigs? Pigs don't turn into men when they drink.

• My wife thinks "freedom of the press" means no-iron clothes.

• When the best actors are chosen by other actors, it's called the Oscars. When the best actors are chosen by the people, it's called an election.

• A husband, the owner of a new car, was somewhat reluctant to allow his wife to drove his prize possession.. .even to the grocery store which was a few blocks from the house. After she insisted, he finally relented, cautioning her as she departed, "Remember, if you have an accident, the newspaper will print your age!"

• A boy tells his mom that he seen a boy & a girl sitting at the top of the roof & kissing. Then his mom tell him that they are gonna get married. Then the boy asks his mom: When is dad gonna marry the maid?

• "Take a pencil and paper," the teacher said, "and write an essay with the title 'If I Were a Millionaire' " Everyone but Philip, who leaned back with arms folded, began to write furiously. "What's the matter," the teacher asked. "Why don't you begin?" "I'm waiting for my secretary," he replied.

• Wife's definition of retirement: Twice as much husband on half as much pay.

• Q: What's the difference between a good lawyer and a great lawyer?
A: A good lawyer knows the law. A great lawyer knows the judge.

• Nurse: A beautiful woman who holds your hand for one full minute and then expects your pulse to be normal

• A blonde was being admonished by the doctor: Until the penicillin cleans out ur infection, u r to have no relations whatsoever! Pausing for a moment, blonde replied: Ok, but what about friends & neighbors?

• A French in a hotel in NY, phoned room service for some pepper.
Attendant: Black pepper or white pepper?
French: Toilette pepper!

• A history professor and a psychology professor were sitting on a deck at a nudist colony.
The history professor asked the psychology professor, "Have you read Marx?"
The psychology professor replied, "Yes, I think they are from the wicker chairs."

• We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations--we' re doing everything we can to keep our marriage together

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My Lord.......I Object!

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Check out the last one.Tooo Good. These are from a book called "Disorder in the Court." These are things People actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now Published by court reporters - who had the torment of staying calm while These exchanges were actually taking place. Q: What is your date of birth? A: July fifteenth. Q: What year? A: Every year. ____________________________________________________________________ Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up That morning? A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?" Q: And why did that upset you? A: My name is Susan. ____________________________________________________________________ Q: And where was the location of the accident? A: Approximately milepost 499. Q: And where is milepost 499? A: Probably between milepost 498 and 500. ____________________________________________________________________ Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he Doesn't know about it until the next morning? ____________________________________________________________________ Q: Were you present when your picture was taken? ____________________________________________________________________ Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th? A: Yes. Q: And what were you doing at that time? ___________________________________________________________________ Q: She had three children, right? A: Yes. Q: How many were boys? A: None. Q: Were there any girls? ____________________________________________________________________ Q: You say the stairs went down to the basement? A: Yes. Q: And these stairs, did they go up! Also? ____________________________________________________________________ Q: How was your first marriage terminated? A: By death. Q: And by whose death was it terminated? ___________________________________________________________________ Q: Can you describe the individual? A: He was about medium height and had a beard. Q: Was this a male or a female? ____________________________________________________________________ Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people? A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. ____________________________________________________________________ Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m. Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time? A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy. ____________________________________________________________________ Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? A: No. Q: Did you check for blood pressure? A: No. Q: Did you check for breathing? A: No. Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the Autopsy? A: No. Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor? A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. Q: But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless? A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law Somewhere To enhance your knowledge regarding your health, financial and monetary conditions and wisdom, keep visiting Health, Wealth and Wisdom To keep yourself updated regarding Dehradun and the world, please visit Doonspot pic courtesy : http://biznessapps.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/01/brooklyn-lawyers2.jpg

Corporate Zodiac

Astrology tells us about people and their future by their time, date and location of birth. The Chinese Zodiac uses the year of a person's birth.Demographics tell us what others like, dislike, whom they voted for, as well as what they buy and what they watch on television. The Corporate Zodiac goes a step further: simply by an individual's job title, people can pretty much learn about an employee's hidden personality traits.

Marketing
You are ambitious, yet stupid. You chose a marketing degree to avoid having to study in college, concentrating instead on drinking and socializing - which is pretty much what your job responsibilities are now. Least compatible with Sales.

Sales
Laziest of all the Corporate Signs, often referred to as a "marketer without a degree". You are also self-centered and paranoid. Unless someone calls you and begs you to take their money, you like to avoid all contact with customers so you can "concentrate on the big picture". You seek admiration for your golf game, clothes, car and sex appeal throughout your career.

Customer Service
Bright, cheery, positive, you are a fifty-cent cab ride from taking your own life. As a child very few of you asked your parents for a little cubicle for your room and a headset so you could pretend to play "Customer Service". Continually passed over for promotions, your best bet is to sleep with your manager.

Technology
Unable to control anything in your personal life, you are instead content to completely control everything that happens at your workplace. Typically you went to a trade school because you didn't have time for all that "c***" required in college. Often, even you don't understand what the hell you're saying, but no one else except the engineers knows anyway. It is written that the Geeks shall inherit the Earth, but the Senior Managers keep contesting the will.

Engineering
One of only two signs that actually studied in school, it is said that sixty percent of all the people on the Internet are either engineers, or wish they were one. You can be happy with yourself and the latest technology in your field. Your office is typically full of all the latest gadgets, catalogs and half finished spec sheets.

Accounting
The only other sign that studied in school, you are mostly immune from office politics. You are the most feared person in the organization; combined with your extreme organizational traits, the majority of your co-workers are convinced that you are completely without feeling or emotion. You are often caught in the Rest Room, practicing your frown in the mirror.

Human Resources
Ironically, given your access to confidential information, you tend to be the biggest gossip within the organization. Possibly the only other person that does less work than marketing, you are unable to return any calls today because you have to get a haircut, have lunch, and mail a letter ! Your favorite _expression is: "Now don't say anything, but..."

Mid-Level Managers / Department Heads / Team Leaders
Catty, cut-throat, and ambitious, but... you are probably destined to remain at your current job for the rest of your life unless a senior Manager dies or retires. You tend to measure your worth by the number of meetings you can schedule for yourself and the number of subordinates you can con into sleeping with you. Best suited to date/marry other Middle Managers, as everyone in your social circle must be at least a Middle Manager for appearance's sake.

Senior Managers
You enjoy appearing to be the ultimate authority figure but actually, you are completely spineless, and determined to remain at your current job for the rest of your life, unless the head of your organization dies or retires. Unable to make a single decision, you tend to measure your worth by the number of Mid-Level Managers you can harass on any given day and insure that your office is the largest in the building. Best suited to date/marry other Senior Managers, as everyone in your social circle is a Senior Manager; besides, no one else would have you anyway.

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Good to read and enjoy..

Why do we shout?

A saint asked his disciples, 'Why do we shout in anger? Why do people shout at each other when they are upset?'

Disciples thought for a while, one of them said, 'Because we lose our calm, we shout for that.'

'But, why to shout when the other person is just next to you?' asked the saint..

'Isn't it possible to speak to him or her with a soft voice? Why do you shout at a person when you're angry?'

Disciples gave some other answers but none satisfied the saint.

Finally he explained, 'When two people are angry at each other, their hearts distance a lot. To cover that distance they must shout to be able to hear each other. The angrier they are, the stronger they will have to shout to hear each other through that great distance.'

Then the saint asked, 'What happens when two people fall in love? They don't shout at each other but talk softly, why? Because their hearts are very close. The distance between them is very small...'

The saint continued, 'When they love each other even more, what happens?

They do not speak, only whisper and they get even closer to each other in their love. Finally they even need not whisper, they only look at each other and that's all. That is how close two people are when they love each other.'

MORAL: When you argue do not let your hearts get distant, do not say words that distance each other more, else there will come a day when the distance is so great that you will not find the path to return.

Santa and Banta

Banta: Wife agar husband ko naukar samjhe to husband ko kya karna chahiye?
Santa: Zyada kuch nahi, do char ghar aur pakad lene chahiye.

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Santa aur Jeeto mein larai ho gayi, Santa ghar se chala gaya.
Santa raat ko phone pay: Khanay mein kia hai?
Jeeto: Zehar.
Husb: Main dair se aaonga, tum kha kar so jana.

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Doctor asks Santa to give urine sample, stool & sperm sample for his yearly checkup.
Santa: I’m in a hurry doc, can I leave my underwear!

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Jailor: Tumhe kal subah 5 baje phansi di jayegi.
Sardar: Ha Ha Ha Ha!
Jailor: Kyon has rahe ho?
Sardar: Main to uthta hi subha 9 baje hoon!

~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~

Santa ki chatri me hole tha, kisine pucha, umbrella mein hole kyu?
Sardar bola: Oye barish ruk jayegi to pata kaise chalega.

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Santa: Wo dekh teri biwi ko saanp kaat raha hai.
Banta: Are tension mat le, Jeher bharwane aya hoga...

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Santa kaafi time baad pind geya, Pind di Jameen to Mitti fad k te sung k bolea: Pind di Mitti di khushbu hi vakhri hundi aa.
Banta: Kanjra dhyan nal vekh Eh suki hui Shit aa...

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Banta mujra dekhne gaya, sari raat mujra dekha.
Bai ne kaha: Sahab humne aap ko khush kiya, ab aap hume khush karo.
Banta utha or khud nachne laga..

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Bante de ghar buddi mar gayi. Saare kehan lagge: Bebe mainu lai jaandi! Mainu lai jaandi!
Banta vichon uthh ke kehenda: Saaleo! Bebe ne SUMO kiti hoi si ki?

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Banta k ghar ladka hua, par wo phir bhi dukhi tha?? Kyon?
Itne saalo baad, itni manato k baad ladka hua wo bhi chhota sa...!

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Santa ne PCO pe jate hi PCO wale ko 2 thappad laga diye. Socho kyon?
Because PCO ke bahar likha tha, dial karne se pahle 2 lagaye...

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Santa Radio lekar POTTY karne gaya.
Banta: Aaj toh mazey se ki hogi ?
Santa: Khaak mazey se ki, radio par Jan-Gan-Man aa gaya, khade-khade karni padi.

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