Thursday, July 2, 2009

SMART WOMAN.........



SMART WOMAN

Barbara Walters, of Television's 20/20, did a story on gender roles in Kabul, Afghanistan several years before the Afghan conflict. She noted that women customarily walked five paces behind their husbands.

She recently returned to Kabul and observed that women still walk behind their husbands. From Ms . Walters' vantage point, despite the overthrow of the oppressive Taliban regime, the women now seem to walk even further back behind their husbands, and are happy to maintain the old custom.Ms . Walters approached one of the Afghani women and asked, 'Why do you now seem happy with an old custom that you once tried so desperately to change?'The woman looked Miss Walters straight in the eyes, and withouthesitation said, 'Land Mines.'

Moral of the story is (no matter what language you speak and where you go):
BEHIND EVERY MAN, THERE'S A SMART WOMAN
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FAMILY PLANNING

After having their 11th child, Laloo & Rabri decided that was enough. So then Laloo went to his doctor and told him that he and his wife did not want any more children.The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem.

The doctor instructed him to go home, get a Diwali bomb, light it, put it in a empty Coke can, then hold the can up to his ear and count to 10.Laloo said to the doctor, "I'm the smartest man in Bihar, but I don't see how putting a Diwali atom bomb in a Coke can next to my ear is going to help me with my problem."

So the couple drove to Delhi to get a second opinion. The Delhi physician was just about to tell them about the procedure for a vasectomy when he noticed by their Medical records that they were from Bihar.This doctor instead told Laloo to go home and get a Diwali atom bomb, light it, place it in a Coke can and hold it to his ear and count to 10.

Figuring that both learned physicians knew what they were talking about and couldn't be wrong, Laloo went home, lit a atom bomb, put it in a coke can. He held it up to his ear and began to count with his fingers on his left hand : "1,2,3, 4,5" At which point he paused, placed the coke can between his legs and resumed counting on the other hand.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------When your hut's on fire

The only survivor of a shipwreck was washed up on a small, uninhabited island. He prayed feverishly for God to rescue him. Every day he scanned the horizon for help, but none seemed forthcoming. . Exhausted, he eventually managed to build a little hut out of driftwood to protect him from the elements, and to store his few possessions.

One day, after scavenging for food, he arrived home to find his little hut in flames, with smoke rolling up to the sky. He felt the worst had happened, and everything was lost. He was stunned with disbelief, grief, and anger. He cried out, "God! How could you do this to me?" Early the next day, he was awakened by the sound of a ship approaching the island! It had come to rescue him! "How did you know I was here?" asked the weary man of his rescuers. "We saw your smoke signal," they replied.

The Moral of This Story: It's easy to get discouraged when things are going bad, but we shouldn't lose heart, because God is at work in our lives, even in the midst of our pain and suffering. Remember that the next time your little hut seems to be burning to the ground. It just may be a smoke signal that summons the Grace of God

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Monday, June 29, 2009

Men--are we so bad? Ladies tell me...

Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
If the world were a logical place, men would ride side-saddle.

To attract a man, wear a perfume called 'New Car Interior.'
Women like quiet men because they think they are listening.

On one issue at least, men and women agree; they both distrust women.

The men who try to do something and fail are infinitely better than those who try to do nothing and succeed.

Help a man when he is in trouble and he will remember you when he is in trouble again.

Show me a man with both feet firmly on the ground, and I will see a man who can't get his pants off!

Don't kick a man when he's down unless you're certain he won't get up.

Early to rise, early to bed, makes a man healthy but socially dead.

Man who sneezes without tissues takes matters into his own hands. (yuck)

Bachelor: the only man who has never told his wife a lie.

If you never want to see a man again, say, "I love you, I want to marry you, I want to have children." -- they leave skid marks. This works whether a man or woman says it.

There are easier things in life than finding a good man. Like Nailing Jello to a tree for instance.

Mankind is stupid. If you forget, they will remind you.

Men are like fish. Neither would get in trouble if they kept their mouths shut

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Thursday, June 25, 2009

21 things an Indian does after returning from abroad...



21. Tries to use credit card in road side hotel.

20. Drinks and carries mineral water and always speaks of health conscious.

19. Sprays duo such so that he doesn't need to take bath.

18. Sneezes and says 'Excuse me'.

17. Says "Hey" instead of "Hi".says "Yogurt" instead says "Curds".Says "Cab" instead of "Taxi".Says "Candy" instead of "Chocolate". Says "Cookie" instead of "Biscuit".Says "Free Way" instead of "Highway".Says "got to go" instead of "Have to go".Says "Oh" instead of "Zero", (for 704, says Seven OhFour Instead of Seven Zero Four)

16. Doesn't forget to crib about air pollution. Keeps cribbing every time he steps out.

15. Says all the distances in Miles (Not in Kilo Meters), and counts in Millions. (Not in Lakhs)

14. Tries to figure all the prices in Dollars as far as possible(but deep down the heart multiplies by 43 times).

13. Tries to see the % of fat on the cover of a milk pocket.

12. When need to say Z (zed), never says Z (Zed), repeats "Zee" several times, if the other person unable to get, then says X, YZee(but never says Zed)

11. Writes date as MM/DD/YYYY, on watching traditional DD/MM/YYYY,says "Oh! British Style!!!!"

10. Makes fun of Indian Standard Time and Indian Road Conditions.

9. Even after 2 months, complaints about "Jet Lag".

8. Avoids eating more chili (hot) stuff.

7. Tries to drink "Diet Coke", instead of Normal Coke.

6. Tries to complain about any thing in India as if he isexperiencing it for the first time.5. Pronounces "schedule" as "skejule", and "module" as "mojule".

4. Looks speciously towards Hotel/Dhaba food.Few more important

3. From the luggage bag, does not remove the stickers of Airways by which he traveled back to India, even after 4 months of arrival.

2. Takes the cabin luggage bag to short visits in India, tries toroll the bag on Indian Roads.

Ultimate one1. Tries to begin conversation with"In US ...." or "When I was in US..."

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Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Now, can you just believe this? Read it till end...


In the 1400's a law was set forth in England that a man was allowed tobeat his wife with a stick no thicker than his thumb. Hence we have 'the rule of the thumb'

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Many years ago in Scotland , a new game was invented. It was ruled'Gentlemen Only....Ladies Forbidden'.. ..and thus the word GOLF enteredinto the English language

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Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than the U.S. Treasury

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Men can read smaller print than women can; women can hear better.

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Coca-Cola was originally green

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It is impossible to lick your elbow.

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Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair.

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The first novel ever written on a typewriter: Tom Sawyer

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The San Francisco Cable cars are the only mobile National Monuments.

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Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history:Spades - King David Hearts, Charlemagne – Clubs, Alexander - the Great,Diamonds - Julius Caesar

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111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987, 654,321

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If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs inthe air, the person died in battle. If the horse has one front leg inthe air, the person died as a result of wounds received in battle. Ifthe horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of naturalcauses.

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Q. Most boat owners name their boats. What is the most popular boatname requested?A. Obsession

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Q. If you were to spell out numbers, how far would you have to gountil you would find the letter 'A'?A. One thousand

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Q. What do bulletproof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers, andlaser printers all have in common?A. All were invented by women

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Q. What is the only food that doesn't spoil?A. Honey

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In Shakespeare' s time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by ropes.When you pulled on the ropes the mattress tightened, making the bedfirmer to sleep on.. Hence the phrase...... ... 'goodnight, sleep tight.'

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It was the accepted practice in Babylon 4,000 years ago that for amonth after the wedding, the bride's father would supply hisson-in-law with all the mead he could drink. Mead is a honey beer andbecause their calendar was lunar based, this period was called thehoney month, which we know today as the honeymoon.

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In English pubs, ale is ordered by pints and quarts... So in oldEngland , when customers got unruly, the bartender would yell at them'Mind your pints and quarts, and settle down.'It's where we get the phrase 'mind your P's and Q's'

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Many years ago in England , pub frequenters had a whistle baked intothe rim, or handle, of their ceramic cups. When they needed a refill,they used the whistle to get some service. 'Wet your whistle' is thephrase inspired by this practice.

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At least 75% of people who read this will try to lick their elbow!

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Now....Don't delete this just because it looks weird. Believe it or not, you can read it.

I cdnuolt blveiee that I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd what I was rdanieg.The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid Aoccdrnig to rscheearch atCmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in what oredr the ltteers in aword are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is that the first and last ltteerbe in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can stillraed it wouthit a porbelm. This is bcuseae the huamn mni d deos notraed ervey lteter by istlef, but the word as a wlohe.
Amzanig huh?

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