Tax Inspector

At the end of the tax year, the IRS office sent an inspector to audit the books of a local hospital.

While the IRS agent was checking the books he turned to the CFO of the hospital and said, "I notice you buy a lot of bandages. What do you do with the end of the roll when there's too little left to be of any use?"

"Good question," noted the CFO. "We save them up and send them back to the bandage company and every now and then they send us a free box of bandages."

"Oh," replied the auditor, somewhat disappointed that his unusual question had a practical answer. But on he went, in his obnoxious way.

"What about all these plaster purchases? What do you do with what's left over after setting a cast on a patient?"

"Ah, yes," replied the CFO, realizing that the inspector was trying to trap him with an unanswerable question. "We save it and send it back to the manufacturer, and every now and then they send us a free package of plaster."

"I see," replied the auditor, thinking hard about how he could fluster the know-it-all CFO. "Well," he went on, "What do you do with all the leftover foreskins from the circumcisions you perform?"

"Here, too, we do not waste," answered the CFO. "What we do is save all the little foreskins and send them to the IRS Office, and about once a year they send us a complete dick."

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Lovely Quotes

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Living on Earth is expensive,

But it does include a free trip around the sun every year.


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Birthdays are good for you;

The more you have, the longer you live.


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How long a minute is...

Depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on.


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Ever notice that the people who are late are often

Much jollier than the people who have to wait for them?


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If ignorance is bliss,

Why aren't more people happy?


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Most of us go to our grave with our music still inside of us.


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If WalMart is lowering prices every day,

How come nothing is free yet?


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You may be only one person in the world,

But you may also be the world to one person.


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Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once.


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Don't cry because it's over;

Smile because it happened.


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We could learn a lot from crayons:

Some are sharp, some are pretty, some are dull,


Some have weird names, and all are different colors

But they all have to learn to live in the same box.


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A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour.


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Happiness comes through doors

You didn't even know you left open.

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How to call Police?

George Phillips , an elderly man, from Meridian , Mississippi , was going up to bed, when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom window.

George opened the back door to go turn off the light, but saw that there were people in the shed stealing things.He phoned the police, who asked "Is someone in your house?"He said "No," but some people are breaking into my garden shed and stealing from me.Then the police dispatcher said "All patrols are busy. You should lock your doors and an officer will be along when one is available."George said, "Okay."

He hung up the phone and counted to 30. Then he phoned the police again."Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people stealing things from my shed. Well, you don't have to worry about them now because I just shot them." and he hung up.

Within five minutes, six Police Cars, a SWAT Team, a Helicopter, two Fire Trucks, a Paramedic, and an Ambulance showed up at the Phillips'residence, and caught the burglars red-handed.One of the Policemen said to George , "I thought you said that you'd shot them!"
George said, "I thought you said there was nobody available!"

Don't mess with old people.

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Live your life

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