Some One liners.....

As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can't remember the other two. -- Sir Norman Wisdom

One of the most difficult things in the world is to convince a woman that even bargain costs money. -- Edgar Watson Howe

A true friend is one who overlooks your failures and tolerates your success! -- Doug Larson

A harmful truth is always better then...a useful lie!!! -- Eric Bolton

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I realized that The Lord doesn't work that way, so I stole one and asked him to forgive me. -- Erno Philips

I only go to work on days that don't end in a 'y'. -- Robert Paul

We spends the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up. -- Phyllis Diller

Laughter is the closest distance between two people. -- Victor Borge

Start every day with a smile and get it over with. -- W.C. Fields

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else. -- Will Rogers

Always get married early in the morning? That way, if it doesn't work out, you haven't wasted a whole day. -- Mickey Rooney

Women now have choices. They can be married, not married, have a job, not have a job, be married with children, unmarried with children. Men have the same choice we've always had: work or prison. -- Tim Allen

If you never want to see a man again, say, 'I love you, I want to marry you. I want to have children...’ - they leave skid marks. -- Rita Rudner

I'm not afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens. -- Woody Allen

Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't.

-- Erica Jong

Doesn’t take life too seriously; you'll never get out of it alive. -- Elbert Hubbard

Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use.

-- Wendell Johnson

In life, it's not who you know that's important, its how your wife found out.

-- Joey Adams

I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds out, she'll kill me. -- Henry Youngman

Have you noticed that all the people in favor of birth control are already born? -- Benny Hill

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