Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Beer Problem..........

A guy, sitting outside his home about to be evicted from his house, was contemplating how the future would be after he had divorced his wife, lost his children and lost his job. 
He notices a crate of beer bottles and walks up to it.
He takes out an empty bottle, smashing it into the concrete wall swearing,
"You are the reason I don't have a wife",
second bottle, "You are the reason I don't have my children", 
third bottle "You are the reason I lost my job".

He notices the fourth bottle is sealed and still full of beer. He 
takes the bottle, puts it aside and says,

"Stand aside my dear friend; I know you were not involved"
Thought 1When we are born, our mothers get the compliments and the flowers.
When we are married, our brides get the presents and the publicity.
When we die, our widows get the life insurance.
What more do women want to be liberated from?

Thought 2
The average man's life consists of:
20 years of having his mother ask him where he is going,
40 years of having his wife ask the same question;
and at the end, the mourners wondering too where he is going.

Thought 3  
Everyone in the wedding ceremony was watching the radiant bride as her father escorted her down the aisle to give away to the groom. They reached the altar and the waiting groom;  the bride kissed her father and placed something in his hand. Everyone in the room was wondering what was given to the father by the bride.
The father could feel the suspense in the air and all eyes were on him to divulge the secret and say something. So he announced :
'Ladies and Gentlemen.  Today is the luckiest day of my life ...'   Then he raised his hands with what his daughter gave him and continued,
'My daughter finally,  finally returned my Credit Card to me.' The whole audience including the priest started laughing . . . . .   But not the poor Groom ! ! !

And  now  the  Best  one. . . . .

Thought 4
A Man was walking down a street when he heard a voice from behind,  'If you take one more step, a brick will fall down on your head and kill you.'
The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him. The man was astonished.  He went on, and after a while he was going to cross the road. Once again the voice shouted,  'Stop !  Stand still !  If you take one more step a car will run over you, and you will die.'
The man did as he was instructed,  just as a car came careening around the corner, barely missing him.  The man asked. 'Who are you?'
'I am your guardian angel,' the voice answered.
'Oh, yeah?'  the man said  'And where the  Hell were you when I got married?'

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