Six things boys and girls do in an exam hall

Six things boys do in exam hall: 

1. Counting No of Girls.. 

2. Sighting the Lady Superviser.. 

3. Counting How Many Windows & Doors.. 

4. Seeing the brand name of the pen.. 

5. Feelings for wasting yesterday's night by not studying.. 

6. Think to study well atleast for next exam. 


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Six things girls do in exam hall: 

(even they know or don't know) 

1. Write 

2. Write 

3. Write 

4. Write 

5. Write 

6. Write

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Why are wives more dangerous than mafia?

Why are wives more dangerous than the Mafia? The mafia wants either ur money or life... The wives want both!



Marriage is like a public toilet Those waiting outside are desperate to get in & Those inside are desperate to come out.



No Man Can Ever Be Satisfied
with 4 things in life.
(1) Mobile
(2) Automobile
(3) TV
(4) Wife
Because there is always a better model in neighborhood.



Searching these keywords on Google `How to tackle wife?`
Google search result, `Good day sir, Even we are searching`.



Compromising does not mean you are wrong and your wife is right. It
only means that the safety of your head is much more important than your ego!



Imagine living with 3 wives in one compound and never leaving the house for 5 years.Osama Bin Laden must have called the US Navy Seals himself!


Whisky is a brilliant invention. One double and you start feeling single again.



A friend recently explained why he refuses to get married.
He says the wedding rings look like miniature handcuffs.



It is said that when a woman closes her eyes, she sees the person she is in love the most; and when a man does that... the slide show begins.



It takes thousand workers 2 build a castle, Million soldiers to protect a country, but just One woman 2 make a Happy Home --------- A Good Maid!



Funny quote on a husband`s T-Shirt:
All girls are devils,
but my wife is the queen
--
--
--
--
--
--
of them.

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A Beautiful Love story

Once upon a time there was a Prince who, through no fault of his own was cast under a spell by an evil witch. The curse was that the Prince could speak only one word each year. However, he could save up the words so that if he did not speak for a whole year, then the following year he was allowed to speak two words. (This was before the time of letter 
writing or sign language.) One day he met a beautiful princess (ruby lips, golden hair, sapphire eyes,) and fell madly in love. With the greatest difficulty he decided to refrain from speaking for two whole years so that he could look at her and say "my darling". but at the end of the two years he wished to tell her that he loved her. Because of this, he waited three 
more years without speaking (bringing the total number of silent years 
to 5). But at the end of these five years, he realized that he had to 
ask her to marry him. So he waited ANOTHER four years without speaking. 
Finally, as the ninth year of silence ended, his joy knew no bounds. 
Leading the lovely princess to the most secluded and romantic place in 
that beautiful royal garden the prince heaped a hundred red roses on her 
lap, knelt before her, and taking her hand in his, said huskily, "My 
darling, I love you! Will you marry me?" And the princess tucked a 
strand of golden hair behind a dainty ear, opened her sapphire eyes in 
wonder, and parting her ruby lips, said: .. ... ... ... scroll down 

...... ... ... ... ... ... ... ........ 
  
  
Well, guess what she said ......... .. ... ... ... ... ... ....... 
  
  
come on, guess what could she have ... ... ... ... ... ... 
  
said.............. .. ... ... ... ... ... ........... 

well, she said.............. ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... 

. ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... .. 

...... ... ... ... ... ... ... ........ 
  
...... ... ... ... ... ... ... ........ 

...... ... ... ... ... ... ... ........ 

...... ... ... ... ... ... ... ........ 

...... ... ... ... ... ... ... ........ 

...... ... ... ... ... ... ... ........ 

...... ... ... ... ... ... ... ........ 
  
  
"Pardon"? 

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Husband and Wife

Husband & Wife - Come Home Late

A woman was complaining to the neighbour that her husband always came home late, no matter how she tried to stop him. "Take my advice," said the neighbour, "and do what I did. Once my husband came home at three o'clock in the morning, and from my bed I called out: "Is that you, Jim?" And that cured him. "Cured him !" asked the woman, "but how?" The neighbour said, " You see, his name is Bill ."

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Husband & Wife - Why divorce?

In a divorce court a woman requested the judge: "Your honor, I want to divorce my husband." "But why ?" asked the judge. She replied, "Because he is not faithful to me." The judge asked, "How do you know ?" She replied, " My lord, not a single child resembles him ."

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Husband & Wife - Love Your Enemy

From his death bed, the husband called his wife and said, "One month after I die I want you to marry Samy." "Samy! But he is your enemy !" "Yes, I know that ! I've suffered all these years so let him suffer now ." 

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Husband & Wife - Wedding Ring

At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, "Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger? " The other replied, " Yes I am, I married the wrong man. "

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Husband & Wife - Why ?

" Dad, I was away for a week. Yesterday I sent a fax to my wife I'd be home that night, and when I got into my room I found my wife in another man's arms. " Why, Dad ? Tell me why!" Dad kept silent for a few minutes, then coolly said, " Maybe, Son, she didn't get the fax ."

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Husband & Wife - Same Service

A husband visited a marriage counselor and said, "When we were first married, I would come home from the office, my wife would bring my slippers and our cute little dog would run around barking. Now after ten years it's all different, I come home, the dog brings the slippers and my wife runs around barking." "Why complain?" said the counselor. " You're still getting the same service !"

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Husband & Wife - Talk About Husband

One woman told another : "My neighbour is always speaking ill of her husband, but look at me, my husband is foolish, lazy and a coward; but have I ever said anything bad about him ?"

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Husband & Wife - Love To Do

A wife, one evening, drew her husband's attention to the couple next door and said, "Do you see that couple? How devoted they are? He kisses her every time they meet. Why don't you do that?" "I would love to." Replied the husband. " But I don't know her well enough ."

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Husband & Wife - No Answer Back

A man was telling his friends, "When my wife is infuriated, she starts shouting at me, my children and even at our dogs and nobody dares answer her." One of his friends asked."And when you are angry, what do you do?" The man replied, " I also shout angrily at the windows and doors of the house and none of them dares to answer bac k. 

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Husband & Wife - Problem Father

"You looked troubled," I told my friend, "what's your problem?" He replied, "I'm going to be a father." "But that's wonderful," I said. " What's wonderful? My wife doesn't know about it yet.

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Wife vs. Girlfrd

*A Wife is like a TV*
**A Girlfriend is like a MOBILE**

At home you watch TV, but when you go out you take your MOBILE

When you have no money, you sell the TV and when you have got money you change your MOBILE

Sometimes you enjoy TV, but most of the time you play with your MOBILE

TV is free for life, but for the MOBILE, if you don't pay, the services will be terminated

TV is big, bulky and most of the time old!

But the MOBILE is cute, slim, curvy and very portable

Operational costs for the TV are often acceptable, but for the MOBILE it is often high and demanding

TV has a remote, MOBILE doesn't

MOBILE is a two-way communication (u talk and listen),but with the TV you MUST only listen (whether you want to or not)

Most Importantly:

TVs don't have viruses, but MOBILEs often do.

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Husband and wife....

Doctor : Your husband needs rest and peace. Here are some sleeping pills.
Wife : When must I give them to him?
Doctor : They are for you.


Position of a Husband Is just like a Split Air Conditioner - No matter
however Loud he is in the Outdoor He is designed to remain Silent indoor...


"Husband is one, who is the head of the family, but his wife is the neck,
and whichever way she turns, he goes."


A man in Hell asked Devil: Can I make a call to my Wife?
After making call he asked how much to pay.
Devil : Nothing, Hell to hell is Free.


Why do most Indian women request God for the same husband in the next life?
Because efforts taken to train him in this life should not go to waste!

God said, "i cannot be everywhere, so i created mother".
Devil replied, "even i cannot be everywhere, so i created mother-in-law!!


Friend #1: Are you visiting us tomorrow? Do you need directions?
Friend #2: I'm all set. I have the address, a GPS, and a GPS override.
Friend #1: What's a GPS override?
Friend #2: My wife.


Wife :You changed after marriage.
Husband: I've told you before that I am not interested in Married women

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Beer Problem..........

A guy, sitting outside his home about to be evicted from his house, was contemplating how the future would be after he had divorced his wife, lost his children and lost his job. 

He notices a crate of beer bottles and walks up to it.
He takes out an empty bottle, smashing it into the concrete wall swearing,   
"You are the reason I don't have a wife",
second bottle, "You are the reason I don't have my children", 
third bottle "You are the reason I lost my job".

He notices the fourth bottle is sealed and still full of beer. He 
takes the bottle, puts it aside and says,  

"Stand aside my dear friend; I know you were not involved"  . 

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Thought 1When we are born, our mothers get the compliments and the flowers.
When we are married, our brides get the presents and the publicity.
When we die, our widows get the life insurance.
What more do women want to be liberated from?


Thought 2
The average man's life consists of:
20 years of having his mother ask him where he is going,
40 years of having his wife ask the same question;
and at the end, the mourners wondering too where he is going.


Thought 3  
Everyone in the wedding ceremony was watching the radiant bride as her father escorted her down the aisle to give away to the groom. They reached the altar and the waiting groom;  the bride kissed her father and placed something in his hand. Everyone in the room was wondering what was given to the father by the bride.
The father could feel the suspense in the air and all eyes were on him to divulge the secret and say something. So he announced :
'Ladies and Gentlemen.  Today is the luckiest day of my life ...'   Then he raised his hands with what his daughter gave him and continued,
'My daughter finally,  finally returned my Credit Card to me.' The whole audience including the priest started laughing . . . . .   But not the poor Groom ! ! !

                                             
And  now  the  Best  one. . . . .

Thought 4
A Man was walking down a street when he heard a voice from behind,  'If you take one more step, a brick will fall down on your head and kill you.'
The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him. The man was astonished.  He went on, and after a while he was going to cross the road. Once again the voice shouted,  'Stop !  Stand still !  If you take one more step a car will run over you, and you will die.'
The man did as he was instructed,  just as a car came careening around the corner, barely missing him.  The man asked. 'Who are you?'
'I am your guardian angel,' the voice answered.
'Oh, yeah?'  the man said  'And where the  Hell were you when I got married?'

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7 degrees of Blonde

FIRST DEGREE 

A married couple were asleep when the phone rang 
at 2 in the morning. The very blonde wife picked up the phone, 
listened a moment and said 'How should I know, that's 200 miles 
from here!' and hung up. 
The husband said, 'Who was that?' 

The wife answered, 'I don't know, some woman wanting to know 
If the coast is clear.' 
SECOND DEGREE 
Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on the 
sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the mirror 
and says, 'Hmm, this person looks familiar.' 

The second blonde says, 'Here, let me see!' 

So, the first blonde hands her the compact. 

The second blonde looks in the mirror and says, 'You dummy, it's me!' 
THIRD DEGREE 
A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and 
buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the 
door she finds him in the arms of a redhead. Well, the blonde is really 
angry. She opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she does so, she is 
overcome with grief. She takes the gun and puts it to her head. 

The boyfriend yells, 'No, honey, don't do it!!!' 

The blonde replies, 'Shut up, you're next!' 
FOURTH DEGREE 
A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals. 
She proudly says, 'Go ahead, ask me, .... I know 'em all.' 

A friend says, 'OK, what's the capital of Wisconsin ?' 

The blonde replies, 'Oh, that's easy. It's W.' 
FIFTH DEGREE 
Q: What did the blonde ask her doctor when he told her she was pregnant? 
A: 'Is it mine?' 
SIXTH DEGREE 
Bambi, a blonde in her fourth year as a UCLA Freshman, sat in her US 
Government class The professor asked Bambi if she knew what 
Roe vs. Wade was about. 
Bambi pondered the question; then, finally, said, 'That was the decision 
George Washington had to make before he crossed the Delaware ...'              

SEVENTH DEGREE 
Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house 
ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and 
reported the crime. The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the radio, 
and a K-9 unit, patrolling nearby, was the first to respond. 

As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde  
ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then 
sat down on the steps. Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, 'I come 
home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do 
they do? They send me a BLIND policeman!' 

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Woooooooman.........

An elderly woman walked into the Bank of Canada one morning with a purse full of money. She wanted to open a savings
account and insisted on talking to the president of the Bank
because, she said, she had a lot of money.

After many lengthy discussions (after all, the client is always 
right) an employee took the elderly woman to the president's
office.

The president of the Bank asked her how much she wanted to deposit. She placed her purse on his desk and replied,
"$165,000". The president was curious and asked her how she had been able to save so much money. The elderly woman 
replied that she made bets.

The president was surprised and asked, "What kind of bets?"

The elderly woman replied, "Well, I bet you $25,000 that your testicles are square."

The president started to laugh and told the woman that it was 
impossible to win a bet like that.

The woman never batted an eye. She just looked at the president and said, "Would you like to take my bet?"

"Certainly", replied the president. "I bet you $25,000 that my 
testicles are not square."

"Done", the elderly woman answered. "But given the amount of money involved, if you don't mind I would like to come back at 10 o'clock tomorrow morning with my lawyer as a witness." 

"No problem", said the president of the Bank confidently.

That night, the president became very nervous about the bet
and spent a long time in front of the mirror examining his 
testicles, turning them this way and that, checking them over
again and again until he was positive that no one could 
consider his testicles as square and reassuring himself that there was no way he could lose the bet.

The next morning at exactly 10 o'clock the elderly woman
arrived at the president's office with her lawyer and 
acknowledged the $25,000 bet made the day before that the
president's testicles were square.

The president confirmed that the bet was the same as the one
made the day before. Then the elderly woman asked him to 
drop his pants etc. so that she and her lawyer could see clearly.

The president was happy to oblige.

The elderly woman came closer so she could see better and
asked the president if she could touch them. "Of course", said the president. "Given the amount of money involved, you 
should be 100% sure."

The elderly woman did so with a little smile. Suddenly the
president noticed that the lawyer was banging his head against
the wall. He asked the elderly woman why he was doing that 
and she replied, "Oh, it's probably because I bet him $100,000 that around 10 o'clock in the morning I would be holding the
balls of the President of the Bank of Canada!"

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Just for fun........

There are 3 kinds of men in world:

Some remain single & see Wonders happen,

Some have girlfriends & make Wonders happen,

The rest get married & Wonder what happened !!

Harold is 95 and lives in a Senior Citizen Home. 

Every night after dinner, Harold goes to a secluded garden behind the Center to sit and ponder his accomplishments and long life. 

One evening, Mildred, age 87, wanders into the garden. They begin to chat and before they know it, several hours have passed. 

After a short lull in their conversation, Harold turns to Mildred and asks, 'Do you know what I miss most of all?' 

She asks, 'What?'

'Sex!!' he replies 

Mildred exclaims, 'Why you old fart. You couldn't get it up if I held a gun to your head!' 

'I know,' Harold says, 'but it would be nice if a woman could just hold it for a while.' 

Well, I can oblige,' says Mildred, who unzips his trousers, removes his manhood and proceeds to hold it. Afterward, they agree to meet secretly each night in the garden where they would sit and talk and Mildred would hold Harold's manhood. 

Then one night Harold didn't show up at their usual meeting place.  Alarmed, Mildred decided to find Harold and make sure he was O.K. 

She walked around the Senior Citizen Home where she found him sitting by the pool with Ethel, another female resident, who was holding Harold's manhood! 

Furious, Mildred yelled, 'You two-timing son-of-a-bitch! What does Ethel have that I don't have?' 

Old Harold smiled happily and replied, 'Parkinson's.'

A circus owner runs an ad for a lion tamer and two people show up. One is a retired golfer in his late sixties and the other a gorgeous blond in her mid-twenties. The circus owner tells them: "I'm not going to sugar coat it. This is one ferocious lion. He ate my last tamer, so you two had better be good or you're history. Here's your equipment -- chair, whip and a gun. Who wants to try out first?" 

The girl says, "I'll go first." She walks past the chair, the whip and the gun and steps right into the lion's cage. The lion starts to snarl and pant and begins to charge her. About halfway there, she throws open her coat revealing her beautiful naked body. The lion stops dead in his tracks, sheepishly crawls up to her and starts licking her feet and ankles. He continues to lick and kiss her entire body for several minutes and then rests his head at her feet. 

The circus owner's jaw is on the floor. He says, "I've never seen a display like that in my life." He then turns to the retired golfer and asks: "Can you top that?" The tough old golfer replies: "No problem, just get that lion out of there." 
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