Some One liners.....

As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can't remember the other two. -- Sir Norman Wisdom

One of the most difficult things in the world is to convince a woman that even bargain costs money. -- Edgar Watson Howe

A true friend is one who overlooks your failures and tolerates your success! -- Doug Larson

A harmful truth is always better then...a useful lie!!! -- Eric Bolton

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I realized that The Lord doesn't work that way, so I stole one and asked him to forgive me. -- Erno Philips

I only go to work on days that don't end in a 'y'. -- Robert Paul

We spends the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up. -- Phyllis Diller

Laughter is the closest distance between two people. -- Victor Borge

Start every day with a smile and get it over with. -- W.C. Fields

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else. -- Will Rogers

Always get married early in the morning? That way, if it doesn't work out, you haven't wasted a whole day. -- Mickey Rooney

Women now have choices. They can be married, not married, have a job, not have a job, be married with children, unmarried with children. Men have the same choice we've always had: work or prison. -- Tim Allen

If you never want to see a man again, say, 'I love you, I want to marry you. I want to have children...’ - they leave skid marks. -- Rita Rudner

I'm not afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens. -- Woody Allen

Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't.

-- Erica Jong

Doesn’t take life too seriously; you'll never get out of it alive. -- Elbert Hubbard

Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use.

-- Wendell Johnson

In life, it's not who you know that's important, its how your wife found out.

-- Joey Adams

I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds out, she'll kill me. -- Henry Youngman

Have you noticed that all the people in favor of birth control are already born? -- Benny Hill

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Swami Vivekananda said so.....

For my own part I will be incarnated two hundred times, if that is necessary to do what I have undertaken amongst my people.

All my patriotism is gone. Everything is gone. Now it's only Mother, Mother!

My ideal, indeed, can be put into a few words, and that is to preach unto mankind their divinity, and how to make it manifest in every movement of life.

Religion is the manifestation of the divinity already in man.

Religion is the idea which is raising the brute unto man, and man unto God.

The secret of religion lies not in theories but in practice. To be good and do good - that is the whole of religion.

Man is higher than all animals, than all angels; none is greater than man.

One may gain political and social independence, but if one is a slave to his passions and desires, one cannot feel the pure joy of real freedom.

Look at the wall. Did the wall ever tell a lie? It is always the wall. Man tells a lie and becomes a god, too. After so much austerity, I have understood this as the real truth - God is present in every jiva; there is no other God besides that. 'Who serves jiva, serves God indeed.'

Cut out the word help from your mind. You cannot help; it is blasphemy! You worship. When you give a morsel of food to a dog, you worship the dog as God. He is all, and is in all.

Unselfishness is God. One may live on a throne, in a palace, and be perfectly unselfish; and then he is in God. Another may live in a hut and wear rags, and have nothing in the world; yet if he is selfish, he is intensely merged in the world.

All nations have attained greatness by paying proper respect to women. That country and that nation which do not respect women have never become great, nor will ever be in future.

With five hundred men ... the conquest of India might take fifty years: with as many women, not more than a few weeks.

Religion and religion alone is the life of India, and when that goes, India will die, in spite of politics, in spite of social reforms, in spite of Kubera's wealth poured upon the head of every one of her children.

Before flooding India with socialistic or political ideas, first deluge the land with spiritual ideas.

We want to lead mankind to the place where there is neither the Vedas, nor the Bible, nor the Koran; yet this has to be done by harmonizing the Vedas, the Bible, and the Koran.

Mankind ought to be taught that religions are but the varied expressions of THE RELIGION, which is Oneness, so that each may choose the path that suits him best.

Who will give the world light? Sacrifice in the past has been the Law; it will be, alas, for ages to come. The earth's bravest and best will have to sacrifice themselves for the good of many, for the welfare of all.

Truth, purity, and unselfishness - whenever these are present, there is no power below or above the sun to crush the possessor thereof. Equipped with these, one individual is able to face the whole universe in opposition.

Everything can be sacrificed for truth, but truth cannot be sacrificed for anything.

The highest ideal is eternal and entire self-abnegation, where there is no 'I', but is Thou'.

By work alone, men may get to where Buddha got largely by meditation or Christ by prayer. Buddha was a working Jnani, Christ was a Bhakta, but the same goal was reached by both of them.

All expansion is life, all contraction is death.

All love is expansion, all selfishness is contraction. Love is therefore the only law of life. He who loves lives, he who is selfish is dying. Therefore love for love's sake, because it is law of life, just as you breathe to live.

The national ideals of India are Renunciation and Service. Intensity her in those channels, and the rest will take care of itself.

Good motives, sincerity, and infinite love can conquer the world. One single soul possessed of these virtues can destroy the dark designs of millions of hypocrites and brutes.

Take up one idea. Make that one idea your life - think of it, dream of it, live on idea. Let the brain, muscles, nerves, every part of your body, be full of that idea, and just leave every other idea alone. This is the way to success

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Dilbert’s One Liners

I say no to drugs they just don't listen

A friend in need is a pest indeed.

Marriage is one of the chief causes of divorce.

Work is fine if it doesn't take too much of your time.

When everything comes in your way you're in the wrong lane.

The light at the end of the tunnel may be an incoming train.

Born free taxed to death.

Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film.

Life is unsure; always eat your dessert first.

Smile, it makes people wonder what you are thinking.

If you keep your feet firmly on the ground, you'll have trouble putting on your pants.

It's not hard to meet expenses, they are everywhere.

I love being a writer... what I can't stand is the paperwork.

A printer consists of 3 main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light.

The hardest part of skating is the ice.

My phone number is 17. We got one of the early ones.

The guy who invented the first wheel was an idiot.

The guy who invented the other three, he was the genius.

The trouble with being punctual is that no one is there to appreciate it.

In a country of free speech, why are there phone bills?

If you tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe, he'll believe you. But if you tell him a park bench has just been painted, he has to touch it to be sure.

I had a friend once. Then the rope broke and he got away.

If you cannot change your mind, are you sure you have one?

Beat the 5 O'clock rush, leave work at noon!

If you can't convince them, confuse them.

It's not the fall that kills you. It's the sudden stop at the end.

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

Hot glass looks same as cold glass. - Cunino's Law of Burnt Fingers

Never underestimate the power of very stupid people in large groups.

The cigarette does the smoking you are just the sucker.

Someday is not a day of the week.

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