Basic rules followed in New Delhi

1. The Other Side Law:

If my side of the road has a traffic jam, then I can start driving on the wrong side of the road, and all incoming cars will be rerouted via Meerut.

2. The Queue Nahin Rule:

If there is a queue of many people, no one will notice me sneaking into the front as long as I am looking the other way.

3. The Mind over Matter Law:

If a red light is not working, four cars from different directions can easily pass through one another.

4. The Auto Axiom:

If I indicate which way I am going to turn my vehicle, it is an information security leak.

5. The In Spit of Thing:

The more I lean out of my car or bus, and the harder I spit, the stronger the roads become.

6. The Cinema Hall Fact:

If I get a call on my mobile phone, the film automatically goes into pause mode.

7. The Brotherhood Law:

If I want to win an argument, I need only to repeatedly suggest that the other person has illicit relations with his sister.

8. The Baraat Right:

When I'm on the road to marriage, all the roads in the city belong to me. To ME.

9. The Heart of Things:

If I open enough buttons on my shirt, the pretty girl at the bus stop can see through my maldeformed chest into the depths of my soul.

10. The Name Game:

It is very important for the driver behind me to memorize the nicknames of my children.

11. Parking up The Wrong Tree:

When I double-park my car, the road automatically widens so that the traffic is not affected.

12. The Chill Bill Move:

When I park and block someone else's car I am giving him a chance to pause, relax, chill and take a few moments off from his rushed day.

13. The Ogling Stare:

If you don't ogle and drool at every hot Chic that passes by, you're gay.

14. The Bus Karo Law:

If I stop my bus at the correct place near the bus stop, the city will explode and blow into 6 million pieces.

15. The VIP Rule:

There are only 6 important persons in this city-Me, I, Myself, Main, Mainu, Assi.

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What should you say If you are caught sleeping on the job? Here’s a little help--

"They told me at the blood bank this might happen."

"This is just a 15 minute power-nap like they raved about in the last time management course you sent me to."

“I was working smarter - not harder. “

"Whew! Guess I left the top off the liquid paper"

"I wasn't sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm!"

"This is one of the seven habits of highly effective people!"

"I was testing the keyboard for drool resistance"

"Actually I'm doing a "Stress Level Elimination Exercise Plan" (SLEEP) I learned it at the last mandatory seminar you made me attend.

"I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve work related stress."

"Damn! Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a solution to our biggest problem."

"The coffee machine is broken...."

”Someone must've put decaf in the wrong pot."

"Boy that cold medicine I took last night just won't wear off!"

"Ah, the unique and unpredictable circadian rhythms of the workaholic!"

"I wasn't sleeping; I was trying to pick up contact lens without hands."

“I'm in the management training program.”

“This is in exchange for the six hours last night when I dreamed about work! “

“I thought you (the boss) were gone for the day. “

“I'm just resting my eyes. “

AND THE #1 BEST THING TO SAY IF YOU GET CAUGHT SLEEPING AT YOUR DESK:

"AMEEN"

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Some tips on French Kissing...

French Kissing tips

The basics

1. Brush your teeth; get a good bath, nicely groomed and clean and fresh, before meeting the other person. There's nothing worse than kissing the rear end of a garbage truck

2. Get into a comfortable position - you can't kiss if your back feels like it's going to break. Suggestion - Sit side by side on a comfy sofa.

3. Hold your lover, firmly but gently - don't cause pain. Suggestion would be to hold the shoulders, the neck or gently on the side of the face, one side or both sides.

4. Move your faces closer. Don't bump noses. Suggestion would be the guy angles his face slightly so you don't bump noses.

5. Kiss gently, normal closed lips kissing, and close your eyes. Closing your eyes increases the sensations you feel, and also sets the mood.

6. Continue kissing gently. Get comfortable with simple closed lips, lip-to-lip kissing before going anywhere else.

7. If fine till here, tentatively, slowly and lightly draw your tongue across the other person's lips.

8. Chances are from here, if the other person lightly parts her tongue; slowly explore the other person's tongue in a light licking motion.

9. The tongue has a very sensitive surface, which is why tongue to tongue the essence in French kissing is.

10. After you've tried lightly licking the other person's tongue, you can try sucking on it, wrestling with it (see if you can hold it to the floor of her mouth) and other things like that.

11. Explore the other areas of the mouth. Especially the roof of the mouth. Lightly lick, or tickle the area with your tongue.

12. Don't bite. Whatever you do, don't bite.

13. Don't swing your tongue round and round like a windmill. Explore lightly, don't drill your way through.

14. Breathe through your nose. Breathe through your nose. I say again, breathe through your nose.

15. Follow so far? You can lightly use your hands too, lightly rubbing the other person. Suggestions, along the waist, along the back, the arms, especially the inside of the arm, the neck, maybe running your fingers through her hair. Again, don't cause pain.

16. Continue kissing.

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Some One liners.....

As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can't remember the other two. -- Sir Norman Wisdom

One of the most difficult things in the world is to convince a woman that even bargain costs money. -- Edgar Watson Howe

A true friend is one who overlooks your failures and tolerates your success! -- Doug Larson

A harmful truth is always better then...a useful lie!!! -- Eric Bolton

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I realized that The Lord doesn't work that way, so I stole one and asked him to forgive me. -- Erno Philips

I only go to work on days that don't end in a 'y'. -- Robert Paul

We spends the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up. -- Phyllis Diller

Laughter is the closest distance between two people. -- Victor Borge

Start every day with a smile and get it over with. -- W.C. Fields

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else. -- Will Rogers

Always get married early in the morning? That way, if it doesn't work out, you haven't wasted a whole day. -- Mickey Rooney

Women now have choices. They can be married, not married, have a job, not have a job, be married with children, unmarried with children. Men have the same choice we've always had: work or prison. -- Tim Allen

If you never want to see a man again, say, 'I love you, I want to marry you. I want to have children...’ - they leave skid marks. -- Rita Rudner

I'm not afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens. -- Woody Allen

Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't.

-- Erica Jong

Doesn’t take life too seriously; you'll never get out of it alive. -- Elbert Hubbard

Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use.

-- Wendell Johnson

In life, it's not who you know that's important, its how your wife found out.

-- Joey Adams

I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds out, she'll kill me. -- Henry Youngman

Have you noticed that all the people in favor of birth control are already born? -- Benny Hill

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