Let me tell you something

• The liquid inside young coconuts can be used as a substitute for Blood plasma.
• No piece of paper can be folded in half more than seven (7) times.
• Donkeys kill more people annually than plane crashes.
• You burn more calories sleeping than you do watching television.
• Oak trees do not produce acorns until they are fifty (50) years of age or older.
• The first product to have a bar code was Wrigley's gum.
• The King of Hearts is the only king WITHOUT A MOUSTACHE
• American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating one (1) olive from each salad served in first-class.
• Venus is the only planet that rotates clockwise.(Since Venus is normally associated with women, what does this tell you!)
• Apples, not caffeine, are more efficient at waking you up in the morning.
• Most dust particles in your house are made from DEAD SKIN!
• The first owner of the Marlboro Company died of lung cancer.
• So did the first "Marlboro Man.”
• Walt Disney was afraid OF MICE!
• PEARLS MELT IN VINEGAR!
• The three most valuable brand names on earth: Marlboro, Coca Cola, and Budweiser, in that order.
• It is possible to lead a cow upstairs... but, not downstairs.
• A duck's quack doesn't echo, and no one knows why.
• Dentists have recommended that a toothbrush be kept at least six (6) feet away from a toilet to avoid airborne particles resulting from the flush.
• (I keep my toothbrush in the living room now!)
• Richard Millhouse Nixon was the first U.S. president whose name contains all the letters from the word “criminal."
• And the best for last.....Turtles can breathe through their butts.
• (I know some people like that, don't YOU?)

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Women--- The most beautiful and the most complex creature on Earth

Women are like..........

...the stock market

They're irrational and can bankrupt you if you're not careful.

...computers

They take too long to warm up and a better model always comes along once you've already got one.

...parking meters

If you don't feed them with enough money you face serious consequences.

...fax machines

Useful for one very specific purpose but otherwise just high-maintenance paperweights.

...refrigerators

They're always cold and never seem to have a beer when you need one.

...blue jeans

They look good for a while but eventually they fade and have to be replaced.

...country western songs

They're annoying, they all sound alike, but if you really listen to them you'll get depressed and drink a lot.

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Some more about WOMEN.....

If you kiss her, you are not a gentleman

If you don’t, you are not a man

If you praise her, she thinks you are lying

If you don't, you are good for nothing

If you agree to all her likes, you are a wimp

If you don't, you are not understanding

If you put a woman on a pedestal and try to protect her from the rat race, you are a male chauvinist.

If you stay home and do the housework, you are a pansy.

If you visit her often, she thinks you are boring

If you don't, she accuses you of double-crossing

If you are well dressed, she says you are a playboy

If you don't, you are a dull boy

If you are jealous, she says it's bad

If you don't, she thinks you do not love her

If you attempt a romance, she says you didn't respect her

If you don't, she thinks you do not like her

If you are a minute late, she complains it's hard to wait

If she is late, she says that's a girl's way

If you visit another man, you're not putting in "quality time"

If she is visited by another woman, "oh it's natural, we are girls"

If you ask her to do something she doesn't enjoy, that's domination.

If she asks you, it's a favor.

If you buy her flowers, you are after something.

If you don't, you are not thoughtful.

If you kiss her once in a while, she professes you are cold

If you kiss her often, she yells that you are taking advantage

If you are proud of your achievements, you are up yourself.

If you don't, you are not ambitious.

If you work too hard, there is never any time for her...

If you don't work enough, you are a good for nothing bum.

If she has a headache, she is tired.

If you have a headache, you don't love her anymore.

If you fail to help her in crossing the street, you lack ethics

If you do she thinks it's just one of men's tactics for seduction

If you stare at another woman, she accuses you of flirting

If she is stared by other men, she says that they are just admiring

If you talk, she wants you to listen

If you listen, She wants you to talk

In short So simple, yet so complex

So weak Yet so powerful

Confusing Yet so desirable

So damn thing Yet so wonderful.... .....WOMEN

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tags : women, love, confusing, wonderful, flirting, seduction, achievements

http://www.multidimensions-india.com, pic courtesy:http://cinefantastiqueonline.com, 

TIME FOR SOME LAUGHS...

Two doctors Dr Smith and Dr. Jones, one a psychiatrist and the other a Proctologist opened an office in a small town and put up a sign:

"Hysteria's and Posteriors."

The town council was not happy with the sign, so the doctors changed it To read: "Schizoids and Hemorrhoids.”

This was not acceptable either, so in an effort to satisfy the council, they changed the sign to: "Catatonics and High Colonic's" No go.

Next, they tried: "Manic Depressives and Anal Reten tive." Thumbs down Again.

Then came: "Minds and Behinds." Still no good.

Another attempt resulted in: "Lost Souls and Butt Holes." Unacceptable again.

So they tried: "Analysis and Anal Cysts." No way!

"Freaks and Cheeks?" Still a no go.

"Loons and Moons?" Forget it.

Almost at their wit's end, the doctors finally came up with:

"Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones, Odds and Ends."

Everyone loved it!

*************************************************************

Father and Daughter

A man and his little girl were on an overcrowded elevator. Suddenly a woman in front turned around, slapped him and left in a huff.

The little girl remarked, "That's okay, Daddy, I didn't like her either, she was stepping all over my toes. That's why I pinched her."

****************************************************************

EMBARRASSMENT WITH SOME NAMES:

Back in Mumbai, when I was introduced to a guy Mr. Arvind Lele, he extended his hand and said 'Lele'. Taking his hand, I found it impossible to avoid replying 'Dede'.

He had a Goan wife who had separated from him, since her first name and the surname did not go together when she got married. Her name was Rosemary. You can see it was pretty embarrassing for her every time she said her full name in Hindi - Roz Meri Lele!

Out in USA, imagine the plight of an American lady introducing two Indians to each other with a straight face: She gestures towards the Indian lady, saying 'See my butt', and then towards the guy with 'Shake my boob'. That is how Seema Bhatt met Sheikh Mehboob.

********************************************************

Man and Woman

Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before?

Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.

Man: Is this seat empty?

Woman: Yes and this one will be if you sit down.

Man: Your place or mine?

Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.

Man: So, what do you do for a living?

Woman: I'm a female impersonator.

Man: Hey baby, what's your sign?

Woman: Do not enter.

Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning?

Woman: Unferrtilized.

Man: Your body is like a temple.

Woman: Sorry, there are no services today.

Man: I would go to the end of the world for you.

Woman: But would you stay there?

Man: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.

Woman: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

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tags : man, woman, father, daughter, eggs, freaks, doctors

pic courtesy: http://www.mediadonis.net/, 

Some Thoughts....

Whenever I find the key to success, someone changes the lock.
_____
To Err is human, to forgive is not a COMPANY policy.
_____
The road to success - Is always under construction.
_____
Alcohol doesn't solve any problems, but if you think again, neither does Milk.
_____
In order to get a Loan, you first need to prove that you don't need it.
_____
All the desirable things in life are illegal, expensive or fattening.
_____
Since Light travels faster than Sound, people appear brighter before you hear them speak.
_____
Everyone has a scheme of getting rich? Which never works?
_____
If at first you don't succeed?. Destroy all evidence that you ever tried.
_____
You can never determine which side of the bread to butter. If it falls down, it will always land on the buttered side.
_____
Anything dropped on the floor will roll over to the most inaccessible corner.
_____
***** 42.7% of all statistics is made on the spot. *****
_____
As soon as you mention something?? If it is good, it is taken? If it is bad, it happens.
_____
He, who has the gold, makes the rules ---- Murphy's golden rule.
_____
If you come early, the bus is late. If you come late?? The bus is still late.
_____
Once you have bought something, you will find the same item being sold somewhere else at a cheaper rate.
_____
When in a queue, the other line always moves faster and the person in front of you will always have the most complex of transactions.
_____
If you have paper, you don't have a pen? If you have a pen, you don't have paper?? If you have both, no one calls.
_____
Especially for engg. Students----
If you have bunked the class, the professor has taken attendance.
_____
You will pick up maximum wrong numbers when on roaming.
_____
The door bell or your mobile will always ring when you are in the bathroom.
_____
After a long wait for bus no.20, two 20 number buses will always pull in together and the bus which you get in will be crowded than the other.
_____
If your exam is tomorrow, there will be a power cut tonight.
_____
Irrespective of the direction of the wind, the smoke from the cigarette will always tend to go to the non-smoker

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tags : mobile, cigarette, door bell, company