Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Why India cant launch a nuclear missile...?



During the Cold War, if USA launched a nuke-loaded missile, 
Soviet Satellites would inform the Soviet army in 3 seconds and in 
less than 45 seconds Soviet counter-missiles would be on their way.



Recent studies commissioned by US department of Defense 
included one on nuclear war between India and Pakistan :



This was the scenario....



The Pakistan army decides to launch a nuke-missile towards India . 

They don't need any permission from their government, 
and promptly order the countdowns.


Indian technology is highly advanced. 


In less than 8 seconds, Indian army detects the Pak countdown 
and decides to launch a missile in retribution.



But they need permission from the Government of India .



They submit their request to the Indian President. 



The President forwards it to the Cabinet. 



The Prime Minister calls an emergency Lok Sabha session.



The LS meets, but due to several walkouts and severe protests 
by the opposition, it gets adjourned indefinitely.



The President asks for a quick decision.



In the mean time, 
the Pak missile failed to take off due to technical failure.


Their attempts for a re-launch are still on.



Just then the Indian ruling party is reduced to a minority 
because a party that was giving outside support withdraws it. 



The President asks the PM to prove his majority within a week.



As the ruling party fails to win the confidence vote, 
a caretaker government is installed.



The caretaker PM decides to permit the armed forces to launch a nuclear missile. 



But the Election Commission says that a caretaker government 
cannot take such a decision because elections are at hand.



The Election Commission files Public Interest Litigation 
in the Supreme Court alleging misuse of power.



The Supreme Court comes to the rescue of the PM, 
and says the acting PM is authorized to take this decision
in view of the emergency facing the nation.



Just then one of the Pak missiles successfully took off, 
but it fell 367 miles away from the target, 
on its own government building in Islamabad at 11.00AM.



Fortunately there were no casualties 
as no employee had reached the office that early. 



In any case, the nuclear core of the missile had detached 
somewhere in flight.



The Pakistan army is now trying to get better technologies 
from China and USA . 



The Indian Government, taking no chances, 
decides to launch a nuclear missile of its own, 
after convening an all-party meeting. 



This time all the parties agree.



Its three months since the army had sought permission. 



But as preparations begin, "pro-humanity" , 
"anti-nuclear" activists come out against the Government's decision.



Human chains are formed and 'Rasta rokos' organized.



In California and Washington endless e-mails are sent to Indians condemning the government and mentioning 
"Please forward it to as many Indians as possible".



On the Pakistan side, the missiles kept malfunctioning. 



Some missiles deviate from target due to technical failures or high-speed wind blowing over Rajasthan.



Many of them land in the Indian Ocean killing some fishes.



A missile (smuggled from USA ) is pressed into service. 



Since the Pakistan army is unable to understand its software, 
it hits it original destination: Russia.



Russians successfully intercepts the missile and in retaliation launches a nuclear missile towards Islamabad . 



The missile hits the target and creates havoc.



Pakistan cries for help. 



India expresses deep regrets for what has happened and sends in a million dollars worth of Parle-G biscuits.


Thus India never gets to launch the missile...!!!

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pic courtesy : http://www.istockphoto.com/file_thumbview_approve/8383231/2/istockphoto_8383231-cartoon-missile.jpg, 

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Lets Laugh



A Singh walked into a Gujarati pharmacist and asked to talk to a male pharmacist.
The elderly woman he was talking to said that she was the pharmacist and as she and her also widowed elderly sister owned the store, there were no males employed there. 
 
She then asked if she could help the gentleman.
 
The Pehlwaan said that it was something that he would be much more comfortable discussing with a male pharmacist.
 
The female pharmacist assured him that she was completely professional and whatever it was that he needed to discuss, he could be confident that she would treat him with the highest level of professionalism.The old sher agreed and began by saying, "This is tough for me to discuss, but I have 
a permanent erection. It causes me a lot of problems and severe embarrassment, and 
I was wondering what you could give me for it".

"The pharmacist said, "Just a minute, I'll go talk to my sister, Kanta Behn."
When she returned, she said, "We discussed it at length and the absolute best we can 
do is, 1/3 ownership in the business, a company car, free room & board, and 5,000 a month plus living expenses.
 ***********************************************************************
*One day, shortly after having her 9th baby, the good Irish lady ran into her parish priest. *
*He congratulated her on the new offspring then said, "Isn't having nine babies a little much?" *
*"Well," she said, "I don't know why I get pregnant so often, it must be something in the air." *
*"Yes," said the priest, "your legs!"

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pic courtesy : http://images.cheezburger.com/completestore/2009/8/3/128938219555075666.jpg, 

Saturday, February 12, 2011

Rajni Mania



1. Once a big stone obstructed Rajani's way. 
He kicked high in sky and now it is so called 









.The MOON 




2. Once when shooting on a beach in Tamil Nadu, Rajanikant kicked a stone..
Now that stone is known as 








SRI LANKA 


3. Rajinikant participated in 100 meter race and obviously he came first...
But Einstein died after watching that... 
bcoz.. 







LIGHT came second... 


4.Once Rajinikant participated in Moto gp Bike race......





Don't even try to guess wat happened 





Rajinikant won d race on neutral gear! 


5. Rajinikanth doesnt breathe. Air hides in his lungs for protection.


6. Once Rajinikant went to Bhopal for shooting and had a stomach upset.....and the result was..







BHOPAL GAS TRAGEDY... 


7. 1 day Rajinikant got angry on his sweeper boy., he kicked him so hard that he went flying in the sky with is broom...
2day that boy is famous as "HARRY POTTER"... 




8. Before tom cruise,rajnikant was approached for
the movie "mission impossible" 
but he refused 






as he found the title insulting 


9. Once Rajnikanth was asked how he felt about the jokes made on him which were spreading through sms and internet.
To everyones surprise he started laughing and replied-Ennada Do you really think they are jokes?
Error! Filename not specified.


10. Rajni once taught a child how to play

counter strike and that guy is now 
called.............. 






"OSAMA BIN LADEN" 

thats rajini mindit 





11. Once Dinosaurs borrowed money from Rajnikanth and refused to payhim back... .




....... 


That was the last time anyone saw Dinosaurs 


12. Rajinikanth once kicked a horse in the chin. Its descendants are today called giraffes.



13. An e-mail was sent from Pune to Mumbai








Rajnikant stopped it in Lonavla ... : D 

14. as a kid Rajnikant maintained a diary of day to day activities,
today that diary called as. 





.. 


Guinness Book Of World Records 



15. once Rajnikan taught a kid how to enter a house without ringing the doorbell....








today that kid is known as inspector Daya. 





16. Once a boy inserted A CD named rajnikanth
into his PC... 
Guess wot... 






.His PC started Rotating around the CD rom 



17. Intel's new tag line for its processors ...








"Rajnikanth Inside" 

18. Rajnikant's school time homework is now known as








wikipedia 

19. Rajnikant was caught on d highway for speeding................









While walking 




20. Rajnikanth and Superman once had arm wrestled and the loser had to wear his Underwear over his pants..








We all know who won 



21. Rajnikanth knows that Bingo Mad Angles is tasty from .







which angle. 

22. Once Rajnikant taught a boy how to kiss. Now that boy is known as '.








Emran Hashmi' 

23. Rajnikant can make two parallel lines.






. Intersect each other. 





24. When Rajinikant croses the Road, the cars have to look







left and right before moving. 

25. After release of Robot, Rajnikanth gave Times of India 3 stars.



26. Rajnikanth calls VOLDEMORT by his name and Voldemort calls him as "u know who"
Error! Filename not specified.


27. Rajnikanth goes to court and sentences the judge...


28. Rajnikanth kills harry potter in the 8th book.

29. Rajnikanth can kill Spiderman with BAYGON!!!


30. Time and tide, wait for Rajnikanth.....


31. Rajnikanth knows ...


Who let the dogs out !!! :D 


32. Rajnikanth was practicing for a spelling test... The rough sheet he used is known as ...


OXFORD DICTIONARY !! :D 

33. Rajnikanth has seen the face of the fat lady who owns the house in ...


TOM and JERRY !! :D 
Error! Filename not specified.

34. If Rajnikant was born 100 years back, Britishers would have fought to get independence from India !! :)


35. The ultimate RAJNI fact :

Even GHAJINI remebers RAJNI !!!!! 

Rajni Rox !!! :) 

36. People who set CAT paper will have to pass RAT paper from this year onwards.

Yes RAT paper.... 

:
Rajnikant Aptitude Test !!! :) 


37. Rajinikanth once had a heart attack...
His heart lost..:-p 

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Thursday, February 10, 2011

Just for fun........



There are 3 kinds of men in world:

Some remain single & see Wonders happen,

Some have girlfriends & make Wonders happen,

The rest get married & Wonder what happened !!


Harold is 95 and lives in a Senior Citizen Home. 

Every night after dinner, Harold goes to a secluded garden behind the Center to sit and ponder his accomplishments and long life.
 

One evening, Mildred, age 87, wanders into the garden. They begin to chat and before they know it, several hours have passed.
 

After a short lull in their conversation, Harold turns to Mildred and asks, 'Do you know what I miss most of all?'
 

She asks, 'What?'

'Sex!!' he replies
 

Mildred exclaims, 'Why you old fart. You couldn't get it up if I held a gun to your head!'
 

'I know,' Harold says, 'but it would be nice if a woman could just hold it for a while.'
 

Well, I can oblige,' says Mildred, who unzips his trousers, removes his manhood and proceeds to hold it. Afterward, they agree to meet secretly each night in the garden where they would sit and talk and Mildred would hold Harold's manhood.
 

Then one night Harold didn't show up at their usual meeting place.  Alarmed, Mildred decided to find Harold and make sure he was O.K.
 

She walked around the Senior Citizen Home where she found him sitting by the pool with Ethel, another female resident, who was holding Harold's manhood!
 

Furious, Mildred yelled, 'You two-timing son-of-a-bitch! What does Ethel have that I don't have?'
 

Old Harold smiled happily and replied, 'Parkinson's.'


A circus owner runs an ad for a lion tamer and two people show up. One is a retired golfer in his late sixties and the other a gorgeous blond in her mid-twenties. The circus owner tells them: "I'm not going to sugar coat it. This is one ferocious lion. He ate my last tamer, so you two had better be good or you're history. Here's your equipment -- chair, whip and a gun. Who wants to try out first?" 

The girl says, "I'll go first." She walks past the chair, the whip and the gun and steps right into the lion's cage. The lion starts to snarl and pant and begins to charge her. About halfway there, she throws open her coat revealing her beautiful naked body. The lion stops dead in his tracks, sheepishly crawls up to her and starts licking her feet and ankles. He continues to lick and kiss her entire body for several minutes and then rests his head at her feet. 

The circus owner's jaw is on the floor. He says, "I've never seen a display like that in my life." He then turns to the retired golfer and asks: "Can you top that?" The tough old golfer replies: "No problem, just get that lion out of there." 
************************************************************************************
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