Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Why India cant launch a nuclear missile...?



During the Cold War, if USA launched a nuke-loaded missile, 
Soviet Satellites would inform the Soviet army in 3 seconds and in 
less than 45 seconds Soviet counter-missiles would be on their way.



Recent studies commissioned by US department of Defense 
included one on nuclear war between India and Pakistan :



This was the scenario....



The Pakistan army decides to launch a nuke-missile towards India . 

They don't need any permission from their government, 
and promptly order the countdowns.


Indian technology is highly advanced. 


In less than 8 seconds, Indian army detects the Pak countdown 
and decides to launch a missile in retribution.



But they need permission from the Government of India .



They submit their request to the Indian President. 



The President forwards it to the Cabinet. 



The Prime Minister calls an emergency Lok Sabha session.



The LS meets, but due to several walkouts and severe protests 
by the opposition, it gets adjourned indefinitely.



The President asks for a quick decision.



In the mean time, 
the Pak missile failed to take off due to technical failure.


Their attempts for a re-launch are still on.



Just then the Indian ruling party is reduced to a minority 
because a party that was giving outside support withdraws it. 



The President asks the PM to prove his majority within a week.



As the ruling party fails to win the confidence vote, 
a caretaker government is installed.



The caretaker PM decides to permit the armed forces to launch a nuclear missile. 



But the Election Commission says that a caretaker government 
cannot take such a decision because elections are at hand.



The Election Commission files Public Interest Litigation 
in the Supreme Court alleging misuse of power.



The Supreme Court comes to the rescue of the PM, 
and says the acting PM is authorized to take this decision
in view of the emergency facing the nation.



Just then one of the Pak missiles successfully took off, 
but it fell 367 miles away from the target, 
on its own government building in Islamabad at 11.00AM.



Fortunately there were no casualties 
as no employee had reached the office that early. 



In any case, the nuclear core of the missile had detached 
somewhere in flight.



The Pakistan army is now trying to get better technologies 
from China and USA . 



The Indian Government, taking no chances, 
decides to launch a nuclear missile of its own, 
after convening an all-party meeting. 



This time all the parties agree.



Its three months since the army had sought permission. 



But as preparations begin, "pro-humanity" , 
"anti-nuclear" activists come out against the Government's decision.



Human chains are formed and 'Rasta rokos' organized.



In California and Washington endless e-mails are sent to Indians condemning the government and mentioning 
"Please forward it to as many Indians as possible".



On the Pakistan side, the missiles kept malfunctioning. 



Some missiles deviate from target due to technical failures or high-speed wind blowing over Rajasthan.



Many of them land in the Indian Ocean killing some fishes.



A missile (smuggled from USA ) is pressed into service. 



Since the Pakistan army is unable to understand its software, 
it hits it original destination: Russia.



Russians successfully intercepts the missile and in retaliation launches a nuclear missile towards Islamabad . 



The missile hits the target and creates havoc.



Pakistan cries for help. 



India expresses deep regrets for what has happened and sends in a million dollars worth of Parle-G biscuits.


Thus India never gets to launch the missile...!!!

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pic courtesy : http://www.istockphoto.com/file_thumbview_approve/8383231/2/istockphoto_8383231-cartoon-missile.jpg, 

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Lets Laugh



A Singh walked into a Gujarati pharmacist and asked to talk to a male pharmacist.
The elderly woman he was talking to said that she was the pharmacist and as she and her also widowed elderly sister owned the store, there were no males employed there. 
 
She then asked if she could help the gentleman.
 
The Pehlwaan said that it was something that he would be much more comfortable discussing with a male pharmacist.
 
The female pharmacist assured him that she was completely professional and whatever it was that he needed to discuss, he could be confident that she would treat him with the highest level of professionalism.The old sher agreed and began by saying, "This is tough for me to discuss, but I have 
a permanent erection. It causes me a lot of problems and severe embarrassment, and 
I was wondering what you could give me for it".

"The pharmacist said, "Just a minute, I'll go talk to my sister, Kanta Behn."
When she returned, she said, "We discussed it at length and the absolute best we can 
do is, 1/3 ownership in the business, a company car, free room & board, and 5,000 a month plus living expenses.
 ***********************************************************************
*One day, shortly after having her 9th baby, the good Irish lady ran into her parish priest. *
*He congratulated her on the new offspring then said, "Isn't having nine babies a little much?" *
*"Well," she said, "I don't know why I get pregnant so often, it must be something in the air." *
*"Yes," said the priest, "your legs!"

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pic courtesy : http://images.cheezburger.com/completestore/2009/8/3/128938219555075666.jpg,