Beer Problem..........

A guy, sitting outside his home about to be evicted from his house, was contemplating how the future would be after he had divorced his wife, lost his children and lost his job. 

He notices a crate of beer bottles and walks up to it.
He takes out an empty bottle, smashing it into the concrete wall swearing,   
"You are the reason I don't have a wife",
second bottle, "You are the reason I don't have my children", 
third bottle "You are the reason I lost my job".

He notices the fourth bottle is sealed and still full of beer. He 
takes the bottle, puts it aside and says,  

"Stand aside my dear friend; I know you were not involved"  . 

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Thought 1When we are born, our mothers get the compliments and the flowers.
When we are married, our brides get the presents and the publicity.
When we die, our widows get the life insurance.
What more do women want to be liberated from?


Thought 2
The average man's life consists of:
20 years of having his mother ask him where he is going,
40 years of having his wife ask the same question;
and at the end, the mourners wondering too where he is going.


Thought 3  
Everyone in the wedding ceremony was watching the radiant bride as her father escorted her down the aisle to give away to the groom. They reached the altar and the waiting groom;  the bride kissed her father and placed something in his hand. Everyone in the room was wondering what was given to the father by the bride.
The father could feel the suspense in the air and all eyes were on him to divulge the secret and say something. So he announced :
'Ladies and Gentlemen.  Today is the luckiest day of my life ...'   Then he raised his hands with what his daughter gave him and continued,
'My daughter finally,  finally returned my Credit Card to me.' The whole audience including the priest started laughing . . . . .   But not the poor Groom ! ! !

                                             
And  now  the  Best  one. . . . .

Thought 4
A Man was walking down a street when he heard a voice from behind,  'If you take one more step, a brick will fall down on your head and kill you.'
The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him. The man was astonished.  He went on, and after a while he was going to cross the road. Once again the voice shouted,  'Stop !  Stand still !  If you take one more step a car will run over you, and you will die.'
The man did as he was instructed,  just as a car came careening around the corner, barely missing him.  The man asked. 'Who are you?'
'I am your guardian angel,' the voice answered.
'Oh, yeah?'  the man said  'And where the  Hell were you when I got married?'

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7 degrees of Blonde

FIRST DEGREE 

A married couple were asleep when the phone rang 
at 2 in the morning. The very blonde wife picked up the phone, 
listened a moment and said 'How should I know, that's 200 miles 
from here!' and hung up. 
The husband said, 'Who was that?' 

The wife answered, 'I don't know, some woman wanting to know 
If the coast is clear.' 
SECOND DEGREE 
Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on the 
sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the mirror 
and says, 'Hmm, this person looks familiar.' 

The second blonde says, 'Here, let me see!' 

So, the first blonde hands her the compact. 

The second blonde looks in the mirror and says, 'You dummy, it's me!' 
THIRD DEGREE 
A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and 
buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the 
door she finds him in the arms of a redhead. Well, the blonde is really 
angry. She opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she does so, she is 
overcome with grief. She takes the gun and puts it to her head. 

The boyfriend yells, 'No, honey, don't do it!!!' 

The blonde replies, 'Shut up, you're next!' 
FOURTH DEGREE 
A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals. 
She proudly says, 'Go ahead, ask me, .... I know 'em all.' 

A friend says, 'OK, what's the capital of Wisconsin ?' 

The blonde replies, 'Oh, that's easy. It's W.' 
FIFTH DEGREE 
Q: What did the blonde ask her doctor when he told her she was pregnant? 
A: 'Is it mine?' 
SIXTH DEGREE 
Bambi, a blonde in her fourth year as a UCLA Freshman, sat in her US 
Government class The professor asked Bambi if she knew what 
Roe vs. Wade was about. 
Bambi pondered the question; then, finally, said, 'That was the decision 
George Washington had to make before he crossed the Delaware ...'              

SEVENTH DEGREE 
Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house 
ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and 
reported the crime. The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the radio, 
and a K-9 unit, patrolling nearby, was the first to respond. 

As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde  
ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then 
sat down on the steps. Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, 'I come 
home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do 
they do? They send me a BLIND policeman!' 

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pic courtesy : http://yes-23.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/10/blonde-jokes-150x150.gif, 

Congrats India on becoming World Champions

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