Just to laugh

1.	John: Dad can u write in the dark? Dad: I think so. What is it u want me 2 write. John: Ur signature on this report card
2.	What did the postcard say to the stamp? Stick with me and we'll go places.
3.	How can you help a starving cannibal? Give him a hand!
4.	What happened at the cannibal's wedding party? They toasted the bride and groom.
5.	Why did the turkey cross the road? To prove he wasn't chicken
6.	Was Dracula ever married? No, he was a bat-chelor!
7.	Who is a vampire likely to fall in love with? The girl necks door!
8.	What's an ig? An Eskimo's house without a loo.
9.	Hear about the terrorist that hijacked a 747 full of lawyers? He threatened to release one every hour if his demands weren't met.
10.	Why was the lawyer skimming the Bible right before he died? He was looking for loopholes!
11.	How can you tell that an attorney is about to lie? His lips begin to move.
12.	If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him? It might be your bicycle.
13.	What's the definition of mixed emotions? Watching your attorney drive over a cliff in your new Ferrari.
14.	Why were ancient Egyptian children confused? Because their daddies were mummies.
15.	What did the water say to the boat? Nothing, it just waved.
16.	What did the spider do on the computer? Made a website!
17.	What happens to cows during an earthquake? They give milk shakes!
18.	Why did the traffic light turn red?You would too if you had to change in the middle of the street! To enhance your knowledge regarding your health, financial and monetary conditions and wisdom, keep visiting Health, Wealth and Wisdom To keep yourself updated regarding Dehradun and the world, please visit Doonspot pic courtesy : http://imgsrv4.funzu.com/2011/01/The-Best-way-to-increase-Blood-018.jpg,

Why are wives more dangerous than mafia?

Why are wives more dangerous than the Mafia? The mafia wants either ur money or life... The wives want both!



Marriage is like a public toilet Those waiting outside are desperate to get in & Those inside are desperate to come out.



No Man Can Ever Be Satisfied
with 4 things in life.
(1) Mobile
(2) Automobile
(3) TV
(4) Wife
Because there is always a better model in neighborhood.



Searching these keywords on Google `How to tackle wife?`
Google search result, `Good day sir, Even we are searching`.



Compromising does not mean you are wrong and your wife is right. It
only means that the safety of your head is much more important than your ego!



Imagine living with 3 wives in one compound and never leaving the house for 5 years.Osama Bin Laden must have called the US Navy Seals himself!


Whisky is a brilliant invention. One double and you start feeling single again.



A friend recently explained why he refuses to get married.
He says the wedding rings look like miniature handcuffs.



It is said that when a woman closes her eyes, she sees the person she is in love the most; and when a man does that... the slide show begins.



It takes thousand workers 2 build a castle, Million soldiers to protect a country, but just One woman 2 make a Happy Home --------- A Good Maid!



Funny quote on a husband`s T-Shirt:
All girls are devils,
but my wife is the queen
--
--
--
--
--
--
of them.

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RA-ONE.......................just for fun

1)   Govt of India just announced Rs 50,000 relief to all those who watched RA-ONE... Rs.25,000 for those who left before interval!!! 

2) Breaking News...! Crocin, Disprin, Combiflam, Adol Panadol, Diclomol and all Headache Tablets Stock over after RA-ONE's release!!! 

3) Salman to SRK after watching Ra-One,"Mujh par ek ehsaan karna, dubara aisi movie mat banana"!! 

4) Rahul Gandhi to meet affected people after seeing Ra-One!! 

5) Even Ra.mu doesn't wanna waste time by watching Ra-one...!

6) Ra-One gives more pain than a wife - HARD TO BELIVE BUT TRUE!!

7) Get RA-ONE under Lokpal bill...! Put people behind bars who made such movie!!

8) 100 people committed mass suicide after watching Ra-one!

9) Santa: SRK has launched a scheme...all audience get ticket of Ra-one for free! and he claims it will break all box office records!!
Banta: Saale!! How will the film do business??
Santa: Yaarrr....Oh they are charging people who try to exit!!

10) Digvijay Singh- RSS hand behind Ra-One's release... 

11) Abhishek Bachchan- 'Ravan was better than Ra-one!....Seriously!'...

12) Santa: I need Poison..
Chemist: I cant sell without prescription.
Santa shows his used Ra-one tickets...
Chemist: bus kar pagle, rulayega kya...badi bottle du ya chhoti.....

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You think you know everything. Are you sure?

'Stewardesses' is the longest word typed with only the left hand and 'lollipop' with your right. (Bet you tried this out mentally, didn't you?)


No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver, or purple.


'Dreamt' is the only English word that ends in the letters 'mt'. (Are you doubting this?)


Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing.


The sentence: 'The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog' uses every letter of the alphabet. (Now, you KNOW you're going to try this out for accuracy, right?)


The words 'racecar,' 'kayak' and 'level' are the same whether they are read left to right or right to left (palindromes). (Yep, I knew you were going to 'do' this one.)


There are only four words in the English language which end in 'dous': tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and hazardous. (You're not doubting this, are you?)



There are two words in the English language that have all five vowels in order: 'abstemious' and 'facetious.' (Yes, admit it, you are going to say . a e i o u) 



TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters only on one row of the keyboard. (All you typists are going to test this out) 


A cat has 32 muscles in each ear. 


A goldfish has a memory span of three seconds. (Some days that's about what my memory span is)


A 'jiffy' is an actual unit of time for 1/100th of a second.


A shark is the only fish that can blink with both eyes.


A snail can sleep for three years. (I know some people that could do this too.)


Almonds are a member of the peach family.


An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.


Babies are born without kneecaps They don't appear until the child reaches 2 to 6 years of age. 


February 1865 is the only month in recorded history not to have a full moon.


In the last 4,000 years, no new animals have been domesticated. 


If the population of China walked past you, 8 abreast, the line would never end because of the rate of reproduction. 


Leonardo Da Vinci invented the scissors. 


Peanuts are one of the ingredients of dynamite!


Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated. 


The average person's left hand does 56% of the typing. 


The cruise liner, QE2, moves only six inches for each gallon of diesel that it burns. 


The microwave was invented after a researcher walked by a radar tube and a chocolate bar melted in his pocket. (Good thing he did that)


The winter of 1932 was so cold that Niagara Falls froze completely solid.


There are more chickens than people in the world. 


Winston Churchill was born in a ladies' room during a dance. 


Women blink nearly twice as much as men. 

And now you know everything!

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Great Heights.....

1. What is height of Fashion?

= Dhoti with a zip

***********************************************************

2. What is height of Secrecy?

= Offering blank visiting cards.

***********************************************************

3. What is height of Active laziness?

= Asking for a lift to house while on a morning

  walk.

***********************************************************

5. What is height of Craziness?

= Getting a blank paper Xeroxed.

***********************************************************

6. What is height of Forgetfulness?

= Seeing the mirror and trying to recollect when 

  you saw him / her last.

***********************************************************

7. What is height of Stupidity?

= A man looking through a keyhole of a glass door.

***********************************************************

8. What is height of Honesty?

= A pregnant woman taking one and a half ticket.

***********************************************************
9. What is height of Suicide?

= A dwarf jumping from the footpath on the road.

***********************************************************

10. What is height of De-hydration?

= A cow giving milk powder.

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Just some thoughts...

Love starts with a smile, grows with a kiss, 
and ends with a tear.

Don't cry over anyone who won't cry over you.

Good friends are hard to find, harder to leave, 
and impossible to forget.

You can only go as far as you push.

Actions speak louder than words.

The hardest thing to do is watch the one you love, 
love somebody else.

Don't let the past hold you back, you're missing the good stuff.

Life's short. If you don't look around once in a while you might miss it.

A BEST FRIEND is like a four leaf clover, 
HARD TO FIND and LUCKY TO HAVE.

BEST FRIENDS are the siblings God forgot to give us.

When it hurts to look back, and you're scared to look ahead, you can look beside you and your BEST FRIEND will be there.

Don't frown, You never know who is falling in love 
with your smile.

Most p eo p le walk in and out of your life, 
but only friends leave foot p rints in your heart.

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CONFUSED,,,,,

I became confused when I heard the word 'service'  used with these agencies.
Revenue 'Service'
Postal 'Service'
Telephone 'Service'
Cable TV 'Service'
Civil 'Service'
Public 'Service'
Customer 'Service'

Military 'Service'
This is not what I thought 'Service' meant.

But today, I overheard two farmers talking,

and one of them said he had hired a bull to “service” his cows

You want to change yourself….follow these points:

# Just for today, I will not sit in my living room all day in my nightdress. Instead, I will move my computer into the bedroom.

# I will no longer waste my time relieving the past, instead I will spend it worrying about the future.

# I will not bore my boss by with the same excuse for taking leaves. I will think of some more excuses.

# I will do less laundry and use more deodorant.

# I will avoid taking a bath whenever possible and conserve more water.

# Assure my lawyer that I will never again show up drunk at a custody hearing.

# I will give up chocolates totally. 100%. Completely. Honestly....

# I will try to figure out why I *really* need nine e-mail addresses.

# I will stop sending e-mails to my wife (husband).

# I resolve to work with

neglected children -- my own.

# I will stop sending e-mail, ICQ, Instant Messages and be on the phone at the same time with the same person.

# I will spend less than one hour a day on the Internet. This, of course, will be hard to estimate since I'm not a clock watcher.

# I will read the manual... just as soon as I can find it.

# I will think of a password other than "password."

# I will not tell the same story at every get together.

# I won't worry so much.

# I will cut my hair.

# I will grow my hair.

# I will stop considering other people's feelings when they so obviously don't consider mine - if that unwashed fellow sits next to me again, I'll tell him he stinks!

# I will be more imaginative.

# I will not hang around girls - they think you love them and that sucks.

# I will not ring the stewardess button on airplanes just to get her phone number.

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Wonderful English from Around the World

> > In a Bangkok temple :

> > IT IS FORBIDDEN TO ENTER A WOMAN, EVEN A FOREIGNER, IF DRESSED AS A

> > MAN.

> > Cocktail lounge, Norway :

> > LADIES ARE REQUESTED NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN IN THE BAR.

> > Doctors office, Rome :

> > SPECIALIST IN WOMEN AND OTHER DISEASES.

> > Dry cleaners, Bangkok :

> > DROP YOUR TROUSERS HERE FOR THE BEST RESULTS.

> > In a Nairobi restaurant :

> > CUSTOMERS WHO FIND OUR WAITRESSES RUDE OUGHT TO SEE THE MANAGER.

> > On the main road to Mombassa, leaving Nairobi:

> > TAKE NOTICE: WHEN THIS SIGN IS UNDER WATER, THIS ROAD IS IMPASSABLE.

> > On a poster at Kencom :

> > ARE YOU AN ADULT THAT CANNOT READ? IF SO WE CAN HELP.

> > In a City restaurant :

> > OPEN SEVEN DAYS A WEEK AND WEEKENDS.

> > In a cemetery :

> > PERSONS ARE PROHIBITED FROM PICKING FLOWERS FROM ANY BUT THEIR OWN

> > GRAVES.

> > Tokyo hotel's rules and regulations :

> > GUESTS ARE REQUESTED NOT TO SMOKE OR DO OTHER DISGUSTING BEHAVIOURS

> > IN BED.

> > On the menu of a Swiss restaurant :

> > OUR WINES LEAVE YOU NOTHING TO HOPE FOR.

> > In a Tokyo bar :

> > SPECIAL COCKTAILS FOR THE LADIES WITH NUTS.

> > Hotel, Yugoslavia :

> > THE FLATTENING OF UNDERWEAR WITH PLEASURE IS THE JOB OF THE

> > CHAMBERMAID.

> > Hotel, Japan :

> > YOU ARE INVITED TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE CHAMBERMAID.

> > In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery :

> > YOU ARE WELCOME TO VISIT THE CEMETERY WHERE FAMOUS RUSSIAN AND

> > SOVIET COMPOSERS, ARTISTS AND WRITERS ARE BURIED DAILY EXCEPT THURSDAY.

> > A sign posted in Germany's Black Forest :

> > IT IS STRICTLY FORBIDDEN ON OUR BLACK FOREST CAMPING SITE THAT

> > PEOPLE OF DIFFERENT SEX, FOR INSTANCE, MEN AND WOMEN, LIVE TOGETHER IN

> > ONE TENT UNLESS THEY ARE MARRIED WITH EACH OTHER FOR THIS PURPOSE.

> > Hotel, Zurich :

> > BECAUSE OF THE IMPROPRIETY OF ENTERTAINING GUESTS OF THE OPPOSITE

> > SEX IN THE BEDROOM, IT IS SUGGESTED THAT THE LOBBY BE USED FOR THIS

>> PURPOSE.

> > Advertisement for donkey rides, Thailand :

> > WOULD YOU LIKE TO RIDE ON YOUR OWN ASS?

> > Airline ticket office, Copenhagen :

> > WE TAKE YOUR BAGS AND SEND THEM IN ALL DIRECTIONS.

> > A laundry in Rome :

> > LADIES, LEAVE YOUR CLOTHES HERE AND SPEND THE AFTERNOON HAVING A

GOOD TIME.

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