1.
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John: Dad can u write in the dark? Dad: I think so. What is it u want me 2 write. John: Ur signature on this report card
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2.
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What did the postcard say to the stamp? Stick with me and we'll go places.
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3.
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How can you help a starving cannibal? Give him a hand!
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4.
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What happened at the cannibal's wedding party? They toasted the bride and groom.
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5.
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Why did the turkey cross the road? To prove he wasn't chicken
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6.
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Was Dracula ever married? No, he was a bat-chelor!
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7.
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Who is a vampire likely to fall in love with? The girl necks door!
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8.
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What's an ig? An Eskimo's house without a loo.
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9.
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Hear about the terrorist that hijacked a 747 full of lawyers? He threatened to release one every hour if his demands weren't met.
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10.
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Why was the lawyer skimming the Bible right before he died? He was looking for loopholes!
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11.
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How can you tell that an attorney is about to lie? His lips begin to move.
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12.
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If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him? It might be your bicycle.
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13.
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What's the definition of mixed emotions? Watching your attorney drive over a cliff in your new Ferrari.
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14.
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Why were ancient Egyptian children confused? Because their daddies were mummies.
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15.
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What did the water say to the boat? Nothing, it just waved.
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16.
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What did the spider do on the computer? Made a website!
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17.
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What happens to cows during an earthquake? They give milk shakes!
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18.
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Why did the traffic light turn red?You would too if you had to change in the middle of the street!
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