Engineer's Special--College memories

1. Some Basic definitions...

Engineering College: Place where you're punished for getting good HSC marks.

Senior: Guy who got ragged as junior and wanna get some payback...

Fresher: Guy who has to ask where the canteen is...

Really Dumb Fresher: Guy who asks a senior where the canteen is.

Really Really Dumb fresher: Guy who follows the senior to the canteen.

Ragging: The unfortunate fate of the previous idiot.

Evasive action: Watch the juniors when any seniors come nearby. (No one runs faster than a fresher. NO ONE.)

Lectures: Waste of time. Physical presence is a must...only meant for sleeping, completing assignments & general TP

Tuitions: What you take when you don't waste enough time....

Professor: Person paid to put students to sleep.

Vernacular Prof: Unusual variant of previous individual who comes packaged with his own brand of English ("Now you check me our journal." "You Out get from class." "Are you Understand, Beta?”)

Practicals: 60 to 90 minutes in which you watch the girls do your experiment, and usually destroy a considerable array of lab equipment.

Hopeless Practical : The practical in which there are no girls in your group simply look blankly at each other, fiddle with the equipment, and finally copy the readings.(from the girls of course...).

2. The Truth about exams....

Irony: The guy who copied your entire paper passes and you flunk.

Critical Calculation: Summing up the marks you attempted worth in the exam...

Re-verification: A cruel joke. (Results of which come after you give the KT exam).

3. An engineer's 10 engineering commandments of Life
1. Start study only during the preparatory leave.
2. Thou shalt never write thy assignments thyself.
3. Thou shalt begin writing thy journals only on the morning of submission.
4. Thou shalt treat all marks above 40 as bonus.
5. Thou shalt have at least 70 per cent attendance in the canteen.
6. Thou shalt pass GRACEfully.
7. Thou shalt always be an OUTstanding student.
8. Thou shalt give thy attendance without being present...PROXY is a MUST
9. If thou can't convince them, confuse them.
10. Thou shalt start every sentence with a four-lettered word.

4. The Years of Engineering
F.E. Fond of Engineering
S.E. Sick of Engineering
T.E. Tired of Engineering
B.E. Balls to Engineering
Engineers Anthem:
Hum Honge All Clear,Honge AllC lear, Honge All Clear Ek Din, OH-HO, Mann me hai vishwas, pura hai vishwas, hum hoge all clear ek din

Top two Engineering Rumors:
'Did you hear the results are being put up today at 5:30pm'
'Did you hear the exams are postponed by two weeks, it’s been put up at BMS'

The most dreaded acronym for Engineers:
ATKT (After Trying Keep Trying)

The most important criteria while selecting an engineering college:
Girl to Boy ratio (if more than0 .025% then that college is engineers dream come true)

Engineers at work:
Assignments solved by one and then carrying out mass transfer operations throughout the class

The most important machine for Engineers:
Xerox Machine (Without which assignment completion wouldn't be possible)

The most important table in an Engineer's House:
The glass table (to carry out GT operations, during Night Duty.)

The only queue an Engineer is familiar with:
Submission Queue

An Engineer's favourite watch:
Bird Watch!

Common Engineering Dialogues after a paper:
'What is this yaar, more than 70% of the paper was out of the syllabus'
'This was the worst paper set in the entire engineering history'
'I am failing....I got screwed royally'

5. Feeling after Completing Engineering:
Survived Engineering !!!!!!!!!!!

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Time to laugh......................

Income Tax Officer

The local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a standing $1,000.00 bet. The bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and hand the lemon to a patron. Anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win the money. Many people had tried over time (weightlifters, longshoremen, etc.) but nobody could do it.

One day this scrawny little man came in, wearing thick glasses and a polyester suit, and said in a tiny, squeaky voice, "I'd like to try the bet." After the laughter had died down, the bartender said OK, grabbed a lemon, and squeezed away. Then he handed the wrinkled remains of the rind to the little man. But the crowd's laughter turned to total silence as the man clenched his fist around the lemon and six drops fell into the glass.

As the crowd cheered, the bartender paid the $1,000.00, and asked the little man, "What do you do for a living? Are you a lumberjack, a weightlifter, or what?" The man replied, "I work for the Income Tax Department."


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Appraisal letter

Dear Manager (HR),

Anil, my assistant programmer, can always be found
hard at work in his cubicle. Anil works independently, without
wasting company time talking to colleagues. Anil never
thinks twice about assisting fellow employees, and he always
finishes given assignments on time. Often Anil takes extended
measures to complete his work, sometimes skipping coffee
breaks. Anil is a dedicated individual who has absolutely no
vanity in spite of his high accomplishments and profound
knowledge in his field. I firmly believe that Anil can be
classed as a high-calibre employee, the type which cannot be
dispensed with. Consequently, I duly recommend that Anil be
promoted to executive management, and a proposal will be
sent away as soon as possible.

Signed - Venkat Ravi Kumar

NB: That stupid idiot was reading over my shoulder when I wrote the
report sent to you earlier today. Kindly read only the odd lines
(1, 3, 5, 7, 9,11, 13) for my true assessment of him.


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Accountant

Paddy wanted to be an accountant, so he went for an aptitude test.

Tester: If I give you two rabbits, two rabbits, and another two rabbits, how many rabbits have you got?
Paddy: Seven!
Tester: No, listen carefully again. If I give you two rabbits, two rabbits, and another two rabbits, how many rabbits have you got?

Paddy: Seven!
Tester: Let's try this way. If I give you two bottles of beer, two bottles of beer, and another two bottles of beer, how many bottles of beer have you got?
Paddy: Six.

Tester: Good! Now, if I give you two rabbits, two rabbits, and another two rabbits, how many rabbits have you got?
Paddy: Seven!
Tester: How on earth do you work out that three lots of two rabbits is seven?
Paddy : I've already got one rabbit at home!


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Cuckoo clock

The other night I was invited out for a night with "the boys." I told my wife that I would be home by midnight...promise!

Well, the hours passed and the beer was going down way too easy. At around 3 A.M., drunk as a skunk, I headed for home. Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hall started up and cuckooed 3 times.

Quickly, I realized she'd probably wake up, so I cuckooed another 9 times. I was really proud of myself, having a quick witty solution, even when smashed, to escape a possible conflict.

The next morning my wife asked me what time I got in, and I told her 12 o'clock. She didn't seem disturbed at all. Whew! Got away with that one!

She then told me that we needed a new cuckoo clock. When I asked her why she said, "Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said 'oh shit,' cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another 3 times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then farted.

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Are you a carrot,egg or a coffee bean?

-->

A young woman went to her mother and told her about her life and how things were so hard for her. She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up. She was tired of fighting and struggling.

It seemed that, as one problem was solved, a new one arose. Her mother took her to the kitchen. She filled three pots with water and placed each on a high fire. Soon the pots came to a boil. In the first, she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs, and in the last she placed ground coffee beans.

She let them sit and boil, without saying a word. In about twenty minutes, she turned off the burners. She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl. Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl. Turning to her daughter, she asked, "Tell me, what you see?"

"Carrots, eggs, and coffee," the young woman replied. The mother brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did and noted that they were soft. She then asked her to take an egg and break it. After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard-boiled egg. Finally, she asked her to sip the coffee. The daughter smiled as she tasted its rich aroma. The daughter then asked, "What does it mean, mother?"

Her mother explained that each of these objects had faced the same adversity - boiling water - but each reacted differently. The carrot went in strong, hard and unrelenting. However, after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak.

The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior. But, after sitting through the boiling water, its inside became hardened! The ground coffee beans were unique, however. After they were in the boiling water, they had changed the water.

"Which are you?" the mother asked her daughter. "When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg, or a coffee bean?" Think of this: Which am I? Am I the carrot that seems strong but, with pain and adversity, do I wilt and become soft and lose my strength? Am I the egg that starts with a malleable heart, but changes with the heat? Did I have a fluid spirit but, after a death, a breakup, or a financial hardship, does my shell look the same, but on the inside am I bitter and tough with a stiff spirit and a hardened heart? Or am I like the coffee bean? The bean actually changes the hot water, the very circumstance that brings the pain. When the water gets hot, it releases the fragrance and flavor.

If you are like the bean, when things are at their worst, you get better and change the situation around you. When the hours are the darkest and trials are their greatest, do you elevate to another level? How do you handle adversity? Are you a carrot, an egg, or a coffee bean?

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tags : carrot, coffee bean, egg, water, hot, mother, daughter, adversity, fragrance, flavor, pain

Time to laugh....

A French teacher was explaining to her class that in French, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine. "House" for instance, is feminine -- "la maison." "Pencil”, however, is masculine -- "le crayon."

A student asked, "What gender is 'computer'?" Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether “computer" should be a masculine or a feminine noun. Each group was asked to give four reasons for their recommendation.

The men's group decided that "computer" should definitely be of the feminine gender ("la computer"), because:

1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic;

2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else;

3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval; and

4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your pay check on accessories for it. (No chuckling guys... this gets better!!!)

The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be Masculine (le computer"), because:

1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;

2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves;

3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem; and

4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.

The women won

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Man: Sir, my wife is missing.

Postman: Yeh post office hai, police station nahi.

Man: Kya karu? Kahan jau? Khushi k maare kuchh samajh me nahi aa raha.

Husband: Tumse Shaadi Karke Mujhe Ek Bahut Bada Faayda Hua Hai.

Wife: Woh Kya?

Husband: Mujhe Mere Gunaaho ki Saza Jeete-Jee Hi Mil Gayi!

Why are wives more dangerous than the Mafia?

The mafia wants either your money or life... The wives want both!

A boy on Date With Gal in BMW. Jaan ! Maine tumse ek baat chupaai hai ki I'm already married.

Girl: Oh GOD! Tumne To dara he dia, main Samjhi ye Car tumhari nahi.

Men who don´t understand women at all, by & large, fall into two groups: Bachelors and Husbands.

Wife to her friend: My hubby bought me a Mood ring the other day. When I'm in a gud mood, it turns Green & when Im in a bad mood, it leaves a red mark on his forehead!

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Kammu phoned her husband Nil at work as usual for a chat.

Nil said, "Kammu darling, I am terribly busy today, can you call me back later today perhaps"

Kammu said, "But sweetheart, I have a good news, and I have a bad news to give to you."

Nil said, "Darling, I do not have time, so why don't you give me the good news now, and when I come back home in the evening then give me the bad news, this way I can focus here, and do not spoil my work."

Kammu said, "OK dear. The good news is, the Air bag of our brand new Lexus works, I got my life saved. And when you come back home in the evening I will give you the bad news."

And then Kammu hung up.

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Teacher tells a student a=b, b=c implies a=c. Tell me an example. Student: I love u - u love your daughter - so I love your daughter.

2) Its funny when people discuss over "love marriage" and "arranged marriage" It is like asking a person if he would like to "hang himself" or "shoot himself".

3) What is a girl friend? ---- Addition of problems, subtraction of money, multiplication of enemies & division of friends.

4) A married man was asked to perform his SWOT (Strength, Weakness, Opportunity, and Threat) Analysis. He said, my strength is my wife. My weakness is my neighbours’ wife. Opportunity comes when neighbour goes out. Threat comes when I myself go out

5) Guide: "I welcome you all to Niagara Falls. These are the world's largest waterfalls and the sound intensity of the waterfall is so high, even 20 supersonic planes passing by can't be heard. Now may I request the ladies to keep quiet so that we can hear the Niagara Falls?"

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tags : married, man, woman, Niagara Falls, waterfalls, Strength, Weakness, Opportunity, Threat

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Oye Guru! Sidhuism for you...

---- Collection of famous quotes by Navjot Singh Sidhu

1. That ball went so high it could have got an air hostess down with it.

2. There is light at the end of the tunnel for India, but it's that of an incoming train which will run them over.

3. Experience is like a comb that life gives you when you are bald.

4. This quote was made after Ganguly called Dravid for a run and midway sent him back and Dravid was run out in the third test against the West Indies at Barbados."Ganguly has thrown a drowning man both ends of the rope."

5. Sri Lankan score is running like an Indian taximeter.

6. Statistics are like miniskirts, they reveal more than what they hide.

7. Wickets are like wives - you never know which way they will turn!

8. He is like Indian three-wheeler, which will suck a lot of diesel but cannot go beyond 30!

9. The Indians are going to beat the Kiwis! Let me tell you, my friend that the Kiwi is the only bird in the whole world, which does not have wings!

10. As uncomfortable as a bum on a porcupine.

11. The ball whizzes past like a bumble -bee and the Indians are in the sea.

12. The Indians are finding the gaps like a pin a haystack.

13. The pitch is as dead as a dodo.

14. Deep Dasgupta is as confused as a child is in a topless bar!

15. The way Indian wickets are falling reminds of the cycle stand at Rajendra Talkies in Patiala one falls and everything else falls!

16. Indian team without Sachin is like giving Kiss without a Squeeze.

17. You cannot make Omelets without breaking the eggs.

18. Deep Dasgupta is not a Wicket Keeper, he is a goalkeeper. He must be given a free transfer to Manchester United.

19. He will fight a rattlesnake and give it the first two bites too.

20. One, who doesn't throw the dice, can never expect to score a six.

21. This quote was made after Eddie Nichols, the third umpire, ruled Shivnarine Chanderpaul 'NOT OUT' in the second test at Port of Spain T&T "Eddie Nichols is a man who cannot find his own buttocks with his two hands."

22. Anybody can pilot a ship when the sea is calm.

23. Nobody travels on the road to success without a puncture or two.

24. You got to choose between tightening your belt or losing your pants.

25. The cat with gloves catches no mice.

26. Age has been perfect fire extinguisher for flaming youth.

27. You may have a heart of gold, but so does a hard-boiled egg.

28. He is like a one-legged man in a bum kicking competition.

29. The third umpires should be changed as often as nappies and for the same reason.

30. Kumble's bowling at the moment is flat as a Dosa.

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tags : sidhu, kumble, egg, gold, Indian

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Great thoughts---Great Minds

Aristotle said so....

We make war that we may live in peace.

We are what we repeatedly do….Men acquire a particular quality by constantly acting in a particular way---you become just by performing just actions, temperate by performing temperate actions, brave by performing brave actions.

I count him braver who overcomes his desires than one who conquers his enemies, for the hardest victory is over self.

Law is mind without reason.

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Confucius said so...

The STRENGTH of a nation derives from the integrity of the home.

The real fault is to have fault and not to amend them.

The young man who has not wept is a savage, and the old man who will not laugh is a fool.

The superior man is distressed by the limitation of his ability; he is not distressed by the fact that men do not recognize the ability that he has.

Virtue is never left to stand alone

Things that are done, it is needless to speak about; things that are past it is needless to blame

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tags : Aristotle, Confucius, virtue, savage, strength, integrity

http://etc.usf.edu/, pics courtesy: http://www.bun.kyoto-u.ac.jp/, 

VODKA Is A Great Drink But There Are Some Other Uses of VODKA As Well

Thus always keep a bottle of Vodka handy ;)

1. To remove a bandage painlessly, saturate the bandage with vodka. The solvent dissolves the adhesive.

2. To clean the caulking around bathtubs and showers, fill a trigger-spray bottle with vodka, spray the caulking, let set 5 minutes and wash clean. The alcohol in the vodka kills mold and mildew.

3. To clean your eyeglasses, simply wipe the lenses with a soft, clean cloth dampened with vodka. The alcohol in the vodka cleans the glass and kills germs.

4. Prolong the life of razors by filling a cup with vodka and letting your safety razor blade soak in the alcohol after shaving. The vodka disinfects the blade and prevents rusting.

5. Spray vodka on vomit stains, scrub with a brush, and then blot dry.

6. Using a cotton ball, apply vodka to your face as an astringent to cleanse the skin and tighten pores.

7. Add a splash of vodka to a 12-ounce bottle of shampoo. The alcohol cleanses the scalp, removes toxins from hair and stimulates the growth of healthy hair.

8. Fill a 16-ounce trigger-spray bottle and spray bees or wasps to kill them.

9. Pour 1/2 cup vodka and 1/2 cup water in a freezer bag and freeze for a slushy, reusable ice pack for aches, pain or black eyes...

10. Fill a clean, empty jar with freshly packed lavender flowers. Fill the jar with vodka, seal the lid tightly, and set it in the sun for 3 days. Strain liquid, then apply the tincture to aches and pains.

11. Make your own mouthwash by mixing 9 tablespoons powered cinnamon with 1 cup vodka. Seal in an airtight container for 2 weeks. Strain through a coffee filter. Mix with warm water and rinse your mouth. (DON'T SWALLOW!)

12. Using a cotton swab, apply vodka to a cold sore to help it dry out.

13. If blister opens, pour vodka over the raw skin as a local anesthetic that also disinfects the exposed dermis.

14. To treat dandruff, mix 1 cup vodka with 2 teaspoons crushed rosemary. Let sit 2 days, strain through a coffee filter, massage into your scalp and dry.

15. To treat an earache, put a few drops of vodka in your ear. Let sit for a few minutes, then drain. Vodka will kill the bacteria causing pain in your ear.

16. To relieve a fever, use a washcloth to rub vodka on your chest and back as a liniment.

17. To cure foot odor, wash your feet with vodka.

18. Vodka will disinfect and alleviate a jellyfish sting.

19. Swish a shot of vodka over an aching tooth. Allow your gums to absorb some of the alcohol to numb the pain.

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20. If all else fails, just turn the bottle upside-down and drink it. Then nothing else will matter anyway! - The best use of Vodka :-)

Not sure if these points are true. You need to try it out.

But I am sure about point number 20. You try it and nothing else will matter ;-)

Cheers (Hic)

tags : vodka, alchohol, gums, bandage

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Are you in love?

I'm sharing a lovely email with you all, I hope you will like it-----

When you are together with that special someone, you pretend to ignore that person. But when that special someone is not around, you might look around to find them. At that moment, you are in love.

Although there is someone else who always makes you laugh, your eyes and attention might go only to that special someone. Then, you are in love.

Although that special someone was supposed to have called you long back, to let you know of their safe arrival, your phone is quiet.You are desperately waiting for the call! At that moment, you are in love.

If you are much more excited for one short e-mail from that special someone than other many long e-mails, you are in love.

When you find yourself as one who cannot erase all the emails or SMS messages in your phone because of one message from that special someone, you are in love.

When you get a couple of free movie tickets, you would not hesitate to think of that special someone. Then, you are in love.

You keep telling yourself, "that special someone is just a friend”, but you realize that you can not avoid that person's special attraction. At that moment, you are in love.

While you are reading this mail, if someone appears in your mind, then u are in love with that person...;))

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tags : movie, sms, attraction, waiting, friend

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Bottomline

Don't be too good, I will miss you.

Don't be too caring, I might like you.

Don't be too sweet, I might fall for you.

It's hard for me to love you when you won't love me after all...

Bottomline: A person who makes me love him/her is actually a person who loves me more than I love him/her.

If someone comes into your life and becomes a part of you but for some reason she couldn't stay, don't cry too much... just be glad that your paths crossed and somehow she made you happy even for a while.

Bottomline: Time will tell, if she's yours he will come back

Two tear drops were floating down the river.

One teardrop said to the other, "I'm the teardrop of a girl who loved a man and lost him. Who are you?"

"I'm the teardrop of the man who regret letting a girl go..."

Bottomline: Nobody will sympathize a person who constantly let chances pass by without making any efforts to salvage. We normally don't realise how important our loved and closed ones are until they left us, we'll start reminiscences which results in misery.

Love can make you happy although often times it hurts.

But love is only special if you give it to which it's worth.

Bottomline: If you found someone who truly appreciates you, she deserves more of your love.

What If someone tells you this: I don't believe in courtship.

It's just a waste of time. If I love the person, I'll tell him/her right away.

But for you I will make an exception... just love me now and I'll court you forever...

Bottomline : Love needs time to realise, there might be love at first sight but it takes time to let one gradually discover their affection towards another, miss him/her when he/she is not around, hope to hear from he/she when the person has not written or called.

It's always better to have found the courage to love even if you lose it in the end, rather than never find love because you were too afraid of the challenge.

Bottomline: Don't give up if you face or think that you have competitors. It's always better to try... if you succeed, the reward is more than you can expect. But if you don't try or don't summon up the courage, you might lose the one you like/love forever...

The greatest challenge in our life is to find someone who knows our flaws and differences and yet still willingly embraces you with so much love.

Bottomline: Love is a means of self giving and self sacrificing, if he/she knows your flaws and is still willing to accept you, continue to like/love you as you are or even more, boy, you are lucky!
This person truly deserves your love and affection.

The spaces between our fingers were created so that another person's fingers could fill them in.

Bottomline: Open your heart, let people love you, never doubt their intentions, sincerity can be felt by the heart.

When you love, it is not for you to be understood but for you to understand; not for you to take but for you to be taken; to listen not to dictate; to sacrifice and not to demand; not to count or measure; but to love.

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tags : bottomline, sacrifice, intentions, challenge

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Let me tell you something

• The liquid inside young coconuts can be used as a substitute for Blood plasma.
• No piece of paper can be folded in half more than seven (7) times.
• Donkeys kill more people annually than plane crashes.
• You burn more calories sleeping than you do watching television.
• Oak trees do not produce acorns until they are fifty (50) years of age or older.
• The first product to have a bar code was Wrigley's gum.
• The King of Hearts is the only king WITHOUT A MOUSTACHE
• American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating one (1) olive from each salad served in first-class.
• Venus is the only planet that rotates clockwise.(Since Venus is normally associated with women, what does this tell you!)
• Apples, not caffeine, are more efficient at waking you up in the morning.
• Most dust particles in your house are made from DEAD SKIN!
• The first owner of the Marlboro Company died of lung cancer.
• So did the first "Marlboro Man.”
• Walt Disney was afraid OF MICE!
• PEARLS MELT IN VINEGAR!
• The three most valuable brand names on earth: Marlboro, Coca Cola, and Budweiser, in that order.
• It is possible to lead a cow upstairs... but, not downstairs.
• A duck's quack doesn't echo, and no one knows why.
• Dentists have recommended that a toothbrush be kept at least six (6) feet away from a toilet to avoid airborne particles resulting from the flush.
• (I keep my toothbrush in the living room now!)
• Richard Millhouse Nixon was the first U.S. president whose name contains all the letters from the word “criminal."
• And the best for last.....Turtles can breathe through their butts.
• (I know some people like that, don't YOU?)

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Women--- The most beautiful and the most complex creature on Earth

Women are like..........

...the stock market

They're irrational and can bankrupt you if you're not careful.

...computers

They take too long to warm up and a better model always comes along once you've already got one.

...parking meters

If you don't feed them with enough money you face serious consequences.

...fax machines

Useful for one very specific purpose but otherwise just high-maintenance paperweights.

...refrigerators

They're always cold and never seem to have a beer when you need one.

...blue jeans

They look good for a while but eventually they fade and have to be replaced.

...country western songs

They're annoying, they all sound alike, but if you really listen to them you'll get depressed and drink a lot.

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Some more about WOMEN.....

If you kiss her, you are not a gentleman

If you don’t, you are not a man

If you praise her, she thinks you are lying

If you don't, you are good for nothing

If you agree to all her likes, you are a wimp

If you don't, you are not understanding

If you put a woman on a pedestal and try to protect her from the rat race, you are a male chauvinist.

If you stay home and do the housework, you are a pansy.

If you visit her often, she thinks you are boring

If you don't, she accuses you of double-crossing

If you are well dressed, she says you are a playboy

If you don't, you are a dull boy

If you are jealous, she says it's bad

If you don't, she thinks you do not love her

If you attempt a romance, she says you didn't respect her

If you don't, she thinks you do not like her

If you are a minute late, she complains it's hard to wait

If she is late, she says that's a girl's way

If you visit another man, you're not putting in "quality time"

If she is visited by another woman, "oh it's natural, we are girls"

If you ask her to do something she doesn't enjoy, that's domination.

If she asks you, it's a favor.

If you buy her flowers, you are after something.

If you don't, you are not thoughtful.

If you kiss her once in a while, she professes you are cold

If you kiss her often, she yells that you are taking advantage

If you are proud of your achievements, you are up yourself.

If you don't, you are not ambitious.

If you work too hard, there is never any time for her...

If you don't work enough, you are a good for nothing bum.

If she has a headache, she is tired.

If you have a headache, you don't love her anymore.

If you fail to help her in crossing the street, you lack ethics

If you do she thinks it's just one of men's tactics for seduction

If you stare at another woman, she accuses you of flirting

If she is stared by other men, she says that they are just admiring

If you talk, she wants you to listen

If you listen, She wants you to talk

In short So simple, yet so complex

So weak Yet so powerful

Confusing Yet so desirable

So damn thing Yet so wonderful.... .....WOMEN

To enhance your knowledge regarding your health, financial and monetary conditions and wisdom, keep visiting Health, Wealth and Wisdom

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tags : women, love, confusing, wonderful, flirting, seduction, achievements

http://www.multidimensions-india.com, pic courtesy:http://cinefantastiqueonline.com, 

TIME FOR SOME LAUGHS...

Two doctors Dr Smith and Dr. Jones, one a psychiatrist and the other a Proctologist opened an office in a small town and put up a sign:

"Hysteria's and Posteriors."

The town council was not happy with the sign, so the doctors changed it To read: "Schizoids and Hemorrhoids.”

This was not acceptable either, so in an effort to satisfy the council, they changed the sign to: "Catatonics and High Colonic's" No go.

Next, they tried: "Manic Depressives and Anal Reten tive." Thumbs down Again.

Then came: "Minds and Behinds." Still no good.

Another attempt resulted in: "Lost Souls and Butt Holes." Unacceptable again.

So they tried: "Analysis and Anal Cysts." No way!

"Freaks and Cheeks?" Still a no go.

"Loons and Moons?" Forget it.

Almost at their wit's end, the doctors finally came up with:

"Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones, Odds and Ends."

Everyone loved it!

*************************************************************

Father and Daughter

A man and his little girl were on an overcrowded elevator. Suddenly a woman in front turned around, slapped him and left in a huff.

The little girl remarked, "That's okay, Daddy, I didn't like her either, she was stepping all over my toes. That's why I pinched her."

****************************************************************

EMBARRASSMENT WITH SOME NAMES:

Back in Mumbai, when I was introduced to a guy Mr. Arvind Lele, he extended his hand and said 'Lele'. Taking his hand, I found it impossible to avoid replying 'Dede'.

He had a Goan wife who had separated from him, since her first name and the surname did not go together when she got married. Her name was Rosemary. You can see it was pretty embarrassing for her every time she said her full name in Hindi - Roz Meri Lele!

Out in USA, imagine the plight of an American lady introducing two Indians to each other with a straight face: She gestures towards the Indian lady, saying 'See my butt', and then towards the guy with 'Shake my boob'. That is how Seema Bhatt met Sheikh Mehboob.

********************************************************

Man and Woman

Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before?

Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.

Man: Is this seat empty?

Woman: Yes and this one will be if you sit down.

Man: Your place or mine?

Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.

Man: So, what do you do for a living?

Woman: I'm a female impersonator.

Man: Hey baby, what's your sign?

Woman: Do not enter.

Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning?

Woman: Unferrtilized.

Man: Your body is like a temple.

Woman: Sorry, there are no services today.

Man: I would go to the end of the world for you.

Woman: But would you stay there?

Man: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.

Woman: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

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tags : man, woman, father, daughter, eggs, freaks, doctors

pic courtesy: http://www.mediadonis.net/, 

Some Thoughts....

Whenever I find the key to success, someone changes the lock.
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To Err is human, to forgive is not a COMPANY policy.
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The road to success - Is always under construction.
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Alcohol doesn't solve any problems, but if you think again, neither does Milk.
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In order to get a Loan, you first need to prove that you don't need it.
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All the desirable things in life are illegal, expensive or fattening.
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Since Light travels faster than Sound, people appear brighter before you hear them speak.
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Everyone has a scheme of getting rich? Which never works?
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If at first you don't succeed?. Destroy all evidence that you ever tried.
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You can never determine which side of the bread to butter. If it falls down, it will always land on the buttered side.
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Anything dropped on the floor will roll over to the most inaccessible corner.
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***** 42.7% of all statistics is made on the spot. *****
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As soon as you mention something?? If it is good, it is taken? If it is bad, it happens.
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He, who has the gold, makes the rules ---- Murphy's golden rule.
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If you come early, the bus is late. If you come late?? The bus is still late.
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Once you have bought something, you will find the same item being sold somewhere else at a cheaper rate.
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When in a queue, the other line always moves faster and the person in front of you will always have the most complex of transactions.
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If you have paper, you don't have a pen? If you have a pen, you don't have paper?? If you have both, no one calls.
_____
Especially for engg. Students----
If you have bunked the class, the professor has taken attendance.
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You will pick up maximum wrong numbers when on roaming.
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The door bell or your mobile will always ring when you are in the bathroom.
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After a long wait for bus no.20, two 20 number buses will always pull in together and the bus which you get in will be crowded than the other.
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If your exam is tomorrow, there will be a power cut tonight.
_____
Irrespective of the direction of the wind, the smoke from the cigarette will always tend to go to the non-smoker

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tags : mobile, cigarette, door bell, company