Thursday, June 28, 2012

Modern day Geeta Saar



Increment nahin mila, bura hua
Salary cut ho rahi hai, bura ho raha hai
Retrenchment hoga, wo bhi bura hi hoga...
Tum pichla review na hoone ka paschataap na karo
Tum agle review na hone ki chinta na karo
Recession chal raha hai...
Tumhari pocket se kya gaya jo tum rote ho ?
Tum company ke liye kya business laye the jo tumne kho diya
Tumne aisa kaun sa product banaya tha jo scrap hogaya ?
Tum koi experience le kar nahin aaye the...
Jo experience liya company se liya...
Jo project kiya company ko diya...
Degree le kar aaye, experience lekar chale...
Jo function aaj tumhara hai,
Kal kisi aur ka tha... parsoon kisi aur ka hoga...
Tum isse apna samajh kar magn ho rahe ho
Bas yahi khushi tumhari tension ka karran hai...
Kyon wyarth tension lete ho, kis se wyarth darte ho
Kaun tumhein nikaal saktahai ?
Chamcha na nikala ja sakta hai na nikal sakta hai...
Policy change company ka rule hai
Jise tum policy Change kehte ho, Wahi to trick hai...
Ek pal mein tum millionare ho jaate ho
Doosre hi pal mein tum stipend par aa jate ho...
Review, increment etc. etc. man se hata do
Vichar se mita do phir company tumhari hai, tum company ke
ho...Na yeh Increments tumhare liye hain, na tum iske kabil ho
Yeh chamchoon ke liye bana hai aur unhin ko milega...
Parantu job secure hai, phir tumhein tension kyon hai
Tum apne aap ko Company ko arpit karo
Yahin sabse bada Golden Rule hai...
Jo is Golden Rule ko janta hai
Wo review, incentive, recession se sarvada muqt hai.

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pic courtesy : http://i.ytimg.com/vi/f7oOfyuLtaM/0.jpg, 


Thursday, June 14, 2012

Satyamev Jayate - 6th episode


We all, at some point of time criticizes GOD or ourselves for our present situation, we always keep complaining for what we don’t have and never offer gratitude to GOD for what he has given us, and if you are also possessing these traits, then you are a part of the group of stupid and thankless people and you need to watch the sixth episode of Satyamev Jayate.

The sixth episode of satyamev jayate talks about those people who may be lacking a deficiency in case of physical structure but when it comes to courage, motivation and hope, they are far superior to normal human beings. The sixth episode talks about the physical handicapped people and their courageous ways of facing life.

First of all, what I have learnt from this episode and want to spread my learning is that never show mercy to any physically handicap person, for he doesn’t need it, he is by no means any less to me or any other human being on this earth. Secondly, if anyone believes that physical deformation in a person is the result of some evil deeds performed by him in his last birth, then you need to educate him and tell him that his belief is baseless and you can support it by the fact that in the last one year no case of POLIO has been reported in the whole country and it not because people have stopped committing crimes or evil deeds but because of the campaign that has been ran by the Government of India in which they have given anti-polio medicine to every kid, supported by the some celebrities as well like Amitabh Bachchan.

The guests on the show were also very lively and this was due to the fact that they have accepted life as it has came to them and never complained about it. Apart from doing jobs in multinationals, they are involved in activities like trekking, skydiving and other sports and leading a normal life. This episode was an eye opener for all those who are crying for what they don’t have rather than enjoying and utilizing what they have.

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Tuesday, June 12, 2012

Boss : easy to hate, difficult to love



A guy phones up his Boss, but gets the bosses' wife instead. "I'm afraid he died last week." sh explains. The next day the man calls again and asks for the boss. "I told you" the wife replies, "he died last week."
The next day he calls again and once more asks to Speak to his boss. By this time the wife
is getting upset and shouts, "I'VE ALREADY TOLD YOU TWICE, MY HUSBAND,YOUR BOSS, DIED LAST WEEK! WHY DO YOU KEEP CALLING?" "Coz," he replied laughing, "I just love hearing it...
    I urgently needed a few days holiday, but because I never had any leave due to me, I knew the Boss would not allow me to take a few days leave.
 I thought that maybe if I acted "Mad" then he would tell me to take a few days off. So I hung upside down on the ceiling and made funny noises.

My co-worker (who's blonde) asked me what I was doing ? I told her that I was pretending to be a light bulb so that the Boss would think I was "Mad" and give me a few days off.

A few minutes later the Boss came into the office and asked "What are you doing ?"

I told him I was a light bulb. He said "You are mad - take a few days off".

I jumped down and walked out of the office.  When my co-worker (the blonde) followed me, the Boss asked her "...And where are you going?"
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>    She said "I can't work in the dark !!!!"


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pic courtesy : http://www.pluggd.in/wp-content/uploads/2010/01/boss-arithmetic.jpg, 

Monday, June 11, 2012

How to utilize your office time ? read the answers now



1. Form a detective agency to find out who is quitting next.
2. Make blank calls to your Boss.
3. Count your fingers (and toes if you get bored).
4. Improve your typing speed.
5. Meditate.
6. Crib.
7. Crib some more.
8. Rearrange the furniture, i.e.. flick someone else chair just to
irritate him/her.
9. Send mails from ms-mail to your internet mail (and immediately get to the internet and  see who reaches first, you or your mail?) and read them
there..and note down the time they take to reach there.
10. Watch other people changing their facial ex-pressions while working and try changing your ex-pressions also..
11. Try to stretch status meetings as longer as possible, just by asking silly doubts.
12. Have work breaks in between tea.
13. Have a two hour lunch, its a big social occasion.
14. Take up smoking, so you can have cigarette breaks too.
15. Read jokes and send jokes.
16. Revise last weeks newspaper.
17. Sing in sync with the carpenters hammering.
18. Hold "How fast my computer boots" competitions.
19. Follow the amoebae that floats in front of your eyes.
20. Try reformatting the mainframe DASD.
21. Practice aiming the coffee cup into the dustbin.
22. Compile "How to waste your day".
23. Pick up phone and dial non existing no.s
24. Make faces at strangers in office.
25. Make faces at your friends in office.
26. Open other people's computers on network and try cracking their passwords.
27. Count maximum no of applications your computer can open at a time.
28. For Windows users....Move things to Recycle bin and restore them..Then repeat this process.
29. Look at someone & try to imagine how(s) he might have looked when (s)he was 5 years old. (my favorite)
30. Plan to take bath.
31. Learn to whistle.
32. Make cracking noises, barking noises.
33. And if you are still getting bored, make full use of the comfortable chair and table provided and take a nap.

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pic courtesy : http://eashkhatri.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/12/image0031.jpg, 

Saturday, June 9, 2012

Doctor vs. mechanic

A mechanic was removing the cylinder heads from the
motor of a car when
he spotted the famous heart surgeon in his shop
The mechanic straightened up, wiped his
hands on a rag and asked argumentatively,

"So doctor,look at this. I also open hearts, take valves out,
grind 'em, put in new parts, and when I finish this
will work as a new one.So how come you get the big money,
when you and me is
doing basically the same work? "

The doctor leaned over and whispered to the mechanic
....................................
What  did he say ???

                              Guess ......

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    He said : "Try to do it when the engine is running".


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Microsoft vs. General motors


(received in email)

For all of us who feel only the deepest love and affection for the way computers have enhanced our lives, read on. At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated, "If GM had kept up with technology like the
computer industry has, we would all be driving $25.00 cars that got 1,000miles to the gallon. 
  
In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release stating:

If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics (and I just love this part):  

1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day. 

2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car. 

3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue. For some reason you would simply accept this. 

4. Occasionally, executing a manoeuvre such as a left turn would    cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine. 

5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive - but would run on only five percent of the roads. 

6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all    be replaced by a single "This Car Has Performed An Illegal Operation" warning light. 

7. The airbag system would ask "Are you sure?" before deploying. 

8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna 

9. Every time a new car was introduced car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car. 

10. You'd have to press the "Start" button to turn the engine off.


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pic courtesy : http://img.uuhy.com/uploads/2009/5/il_430xN_64369182.jpg, 

Thursday, June 7, 2012

GAYATRI MANTRA AND MANTRA'S SCIENTIFIC INTERPRETATION


received in email....very knowledgable

 Gayatri mantra has been bestowed the greatest importance in Vedic dharma. This mantra has also been termed as Savitri and Ved-Mata, the mother of the Vedas.

Om bhur bhuvah swah
Tat savitur varenyam
Bhargo devasya dheemahi
Dhiyo yo nah prachodayat

The literal meaning of the mantra is:
O God! You are Omnipresent, Omnipotent and Almighty, You are all Light. You are all Knowledge and Bliss. You are Destroyer of fear, You are Creator of this Universe, You are the Greatest of all. We bow and meditate upon Your light. You guide our intellect in the right direction.

The mantra, however, has a great scientific importance too, which somehow got lost in the literary tradition. The modern astrophysics and astronomy tell us that our Galaxy called Milky Way or Akash-Ganga contains approximately 100,000 million of stars. Each star is like our sun having its own planet system. We know that the moon moves round the earth and the earth moves round the sun along with the moon. All planets round the sun. Each of the above bodies revolves round at its own axis as well. Our sun along with its family takes one round of the galactic center in 22.5 crore years. All galaxies including ours are moving away at a terrific velocity of 20,000 miles per second.

The alternative scientific meaning of the mantra
Line by Line

Line 1:
 OM BHUR BHUVAH SWAH:
Bhur the earth, bhuvah the planets (solar family), swah the Galaxy. We observe that when an ordinary fan with a speed of 900 RPM (rotations Per minute) moves, it makes noise. Then, one can imagine, what great noise would be created when the galaxies move with a speed of 20,000 miles per second. This is what this portion of the mantra explains that the sound produced due to the fast-moving earth, planets and galaxies is Om. The sound was heard during meditation by Rishi Vishvamitra, who mentioned it to other colleagues. All of them, then unanimously decided to call this sound Om the name of God, because this sound is available in all the three periods of time, hence it is set (permanent). Therefore, it was the first ever revolutionary idea to identify formless God with a specific title (form) called upadhi. Until that time, everybody recognized God as formless and nobody was prepared to accept this new idea. In the Gita also, it is said, "Omiti ekaksharam brahma", meaning that the name of the Supreme is Om , which contains only one syllable (8/12). This sound Om heard during samadhi was called by all the seers nada-brahma a very great noise), but not a noise that is normally heard beyond a specific amplitude and limits of decibels suited to human hearing. Hence the rishis called this sound Udgith musical sound of the above, i.e., heaven. They also noticed that the infinite mass of galaxies moving with a velocity of 20,000 miles/second was generating a kinetic energy = 1/2 MV2 and this was balancing the total energy consumption of the cosmos. Hence they named it Pranavah, which means the body (vapu) or store house of energy (prana).http://keralites.net/
Line 2:   TAT SAVITUR VARENYAM:
Tat that (God), savitur the sun (star), varenyam worthy of bowing or respect. Once the form of a person along with the name is known to us, we may locate the specific person.Hence the two titles (upadhi) provide the solid ground to identify the formless God, Vishvamitra suggested. He told us that we could know (realize) the unknowable formless God through the known factors, viz., sound Om and light of suns (stars). A mathematician can solve an equation x2+y2=4; if x=2; then y can be known and so on. An engineer can measure the width of a river even by standing at the riverbank just by drawing a triangle. So was the scientific method suggested by Vishvamitra in the mantra in the next portion as under:-

Line 3:
BHARGO DEVASYA DHEEMAHI:
Bhargo the light, devasya of the deity, dheemahi we should meditate. The rishi instructs us to meditate upon the available form (light of suns) to discover the formless Creator (God). Also he wants us to do japa of the word Om (this is understood in the Mantra). This is how the sage wants us to proceed, but there is a great problem to realize it, as the human mind is so shaky and restless that without the grace of the Supreme (Brahma) it cannot be controlled. Hence Vishvamitra suggests the way to pray Him as under:

Line 4:
DHIYO YO NAH PRACHODAYAT
Dhiyo (intellect), yo (who), nah (we all), prachodayat (guide to right Direction). O God! Deploy our intellect on the right path. Full scientific interpretation of the Mantra: The earth (bhur), the planets (bhuvah), and the galaxies (swah) are moving at a very great velocity, the sound produced is Om , (the name of formless God.) That God (tat), who manifests Himself in the form of light of suns (savitur) is worthy of bowing/respect (varenyam). We all, therefore, should meditate (dheemahi) upon the light (bhargo) of that deity (devasya) and also do chanting of Om. May He (yo) guide in right direction (prachodayat) our(nah) intellect dhiyo.


The important points hinted in the mantra are

1) The total kinetic energy generated by the movement of galaxies acts as an umbrella and balances the total energy consumption of the cosmos. Hence it was named as the Pranavah
(body of energy). This is equal to 1/2 mv2
(Mass of galaxies x square of velocity.)

2) Realizing the great importance of the syllable OM , the other later date religions adopted this word 
with a slight change in accent, 
viz., Amen and Ameen.



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Tuesday, June 5, 2012

Accountants joke..


Three accountants were in the bathroom standing at the urinals.

The first accountant finished and walked over to the sink to wash his hands. He then proceeded to dry his hands very carefully. He used 3 paper towels and ensured that every single spot of water on his hands was dried.

Turning to the other two accountants, he said, "At Price Waterhouse 
Coopers, we are trained to be extremely thorough."

The second accountant finished his task at the urinal and he proceeded to wash his hands. He used a single paper towel and made sure that he dried his hands using every available portion of the paper towel. He turned and said, "At KPMG, not only are we trained to be extremely thorough, but we are also trained to be extremely efficient."

The third accountant finished, pulled up his zipper and walked straight for the door, shouting over his shoulder, "At Shah & Patel, we don't piss on our hands." 
 

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pic courtesy : http://www.quixoteenterprises.com/images/accountants.jpg, 

Marriage Joke....



Monday, June 4, 2012

The truth about sitting down

just wana share with everyone..
Add caption








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Best Lines ever .......

I received it in an email...thought of sharing it..








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अपरा एकादशी 2026: अनंत पुण्य और आत्मशुद्धि का पावन पर्व

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