One Line Humor

[1] Regular naps prevent old age, especially if you take them while  driving. 
  
[2] Having one child makes you a parent; having two you are a referee. 
  
[3] Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband! 
  
[4] I believe we should all pay our tax with a smile. I tried - but they wanted cash. 
  
[5] A child's greatest period of growth is the month after you've purchased new school uniforms. 
  
[6] Don't feel bad. A lot of people have no talent. 
  
[7] Don't marry the person you want to live with, marry the one you cannot live without, but whatever you do, you'll regret it later. 
  
[8] You can't buy love, but you pay heavily for it. 
  
[9] Bad officials are elected by good citizens who do not vote. 
  
[10] Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired. 
  
[11] Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she'll take it anyway. 
  
[12] My wife and I always compromise. I admit I'm wrong and she agrees with me. 
  
[13] Those who can't laugh at themselves leave the job to others. 
  
[14] Ladies first. Pretty ladies sooner. 
  
[15] A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person. 
  
[16] You're getting old when you enjoy remembering things more than doing them. 
  
[17] It doesn't matter how often a married man changes his job, he still ends up with the same boss. 
  
[18] Real friends are the ones who survive transitions between address books. 
  
[19] Saving is the best thing. Especially when your parents have done it for you. 
  
[20] Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools talk because they have to say something 
  
[21] They call our language the mother tongue because the father seldom gets to speak! 
  
[22] Man: Is there any way for long life? 
Dr: Get married. 
Man: Will it help? 
Dr: No, but then the thought of long life will never come. 
  
[23]Why do couples hold hands during their wedding? It's a formality just like two boxers shaking hands before the fight begins! 
  
[24]Wife: Darling today is our anniversary, what should we do? 
Husband: Let us stand in silence for 2 minutes. 
  
[25]It's funny when people discuss Love Marriage vs Arranged. It's like asking someone, if suicide is better or being murdered. 
  
[26]There is only one perfect child in the world and every mother has it. 
  
[27]There is only one perfect wife in the world and every neighbor has it! 

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Human Mind Power

There was a man who worked for the railroad. One day as he went into the freezer compartment to do his routine work, the door accidentally closed and he found himself trapped in the compartment.

He shouted for help but no one heard him since it was past midnight. He tried to break down the door but he could not. As he lay in the freezer compartment, he began to feel colder, and colder. Then he began to feel weaker, and weaker, and he wrote on the wall of the compartment, "I am feeling colder, and colder; and I am getting weaker, and weaker. I am dying, and this may be my last words".

In the morning when the other workers opened up the compartment they found him dead. The sad twist to the above story is that the freezing apparatus in the compartment had broke down a few days earlier.

The poor worker did not know about the damaged freezing apparatus and in his mind the freezing apparatus was working perfectly. He felt cold, got weaker and literally willed himself to die.

SUCCESS PRINCIPLES

Our sub-conscious mind can be cheated. The sub-conscious mind can only accept and act on information passed to it by the conscious mind. It has no capacity to reject or decline or authenticate any instructions or information passed to it by the conscious mind. In the case of the poor worker, he consciously thought that he was getting colder, weaker and dying and the sub-conscious mind accepted the above instructions and affected his physical body. That was how he willed himself to die.

MOTIVATIONAL QUOTE

"Every now and then go away, have a little relaxation, for when you come back to your work your judgment will be surer. Go some distance away because then the work appears smaller and more of it can be taken in at a glance and a lack of harmony and proportion is more readily seen."

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Love, wealth and success

 
A woman came out of her house and saw 3 old men with long white beards sitting in her front yard. She did not recognize them. She said "I don't think I know you, but you must be hungry. Please come in and have something to eat."

"Is the man of the house home?", they asked.

"No", she replied. "He's out."  
"Then we cannot come in", they replied.

In the evening when her husband came home, she told him what had happened.

"Go tell them I am home and invite them in!"

The woman went out and invited the men in"

"We do not go into a House together," they replied.

"Why is that?" she asked. 
 
One of the old men explained: "His name is Wealth," he said pointing to one of his friends, and said pointing to another one, "He is Success, and I am Love." Then he added, "Now go in and discuss with your husband which one of us you want in your home."

The woman went in and told her husband what was said. Her husband was overjoyed. "How nice!!", he said. "Since that is the case, let us invite Wealth. Let him come and fill our home with wealth!" 
 
His wife disagreed. "My dear, why don't we invite Success?" 
 
Their daughter was listening from the other corner of the house. She jumped in with her own suggestion: "Would it not be better to invite Love? Our home will then be filled with love!" 
 
"Let us heed our daughter's advice," said the husband to his wife.

"Go out and invite Love to be our guest."

The woman went out and asked the 3 old men, "Which one of you is Love? Please come in and be our guest." 
 
Love got up and started walking toward the house. The other 2 also got up and followed him. Surprised, t he lady asked Wealth and Success: "I only invited Love, Why are you coming in?"

The old men replied together: "If you had invited Wealth or Success, the other two of us would've stayed out, but since you invited Love, wherever He goes, we go with him. Wherever there is Love, there is also Wealth and Success!!!!! !"

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The secret of Red Shirt and Brown pants

Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the waves, a captain and his crew were 
in danger of being boarded by a pirate ship. As the crew became frantic, 
the captain bellowed to his First Mate, "Bring me my red shirt!" The First 
Mate quickly retrieved the captain's red shirt, which the captain put on 
and led the crew to battle the pirate boarding party. Although some 
casualties occurred among the crew, the pirates were repelled.

Later that day, the lookout screamed that there were two pirate vessels 
sending boarding parties. The crew cowered in fear, but the captain,
calm as ever bellowed, "Bring me my red shirt!" And once again the battle 
was on, however, the Captain and his crew repelled both boarding parties, 
although this time more casualties occurred.

Weary from the battles, the men sat around on deck that night recounting 
the day's occurrences when an ensign looked to the Captain and asked, "Sir, 
why did you call for your red shirt before the battle?"

The Captain, giving the ensign a look that only a captain can give, 
exhorted, "If I am wounded in battle, the red shirt does not show the wound 
and thus, you men will continue to fight unafraid." The men sat in silence 
marveling at the courage of such a man.

As dawn came the next morning, the lookout screamed that there were pirate 
ships, 10 of them, all with boarding parties on their way. The men became 
silent and looked to the Captain, their leader, for his usual command. The 
Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, "Bring me my brown pants".

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Let's play a game...just for fun

Also try - Judge Yourself...Interesting

IT TAKES ABOUT 3 MINUTES - WORTH A TRY

1st.   Get PEN and PAPER

2nd.   WHEN CHOOSING NAMES, MAKE SURE THEY ARE REAL PEOPLE THAT YOU ACTUALLY KNOW

3rd.   GO WITH YOUR FIRST INSTINCTS !!!!!   Very important for good results.

4th.   SCROLL DOWN

ONE LINE AT THE TIME
DON`T READ AHEAD
otherwise
YOU WILL RUIN THE FUN.

1. On a blank sheet of paper, WRITE NUMBERS 1 through 11 in a COLUMN on the LEFT.












2.   BESIDE the NUMBERS 1 & 2 ,

WRITE DOWN ANY
2 NUMBERS YOU WANT. 

DO YOU HAVE A FAVORITE NUMBER?

3. BESIDE the NUMBERS 3 & 7,

WRITE DOWN THE NAMES OF TWO MEMBERS 
OF THE OPPOSITE SEX.

CAUTION:   DO NOT   LOOK AHEAD or IT WILL NOT TURN OUT RIGHT














4. WRITE ANYONES NAME

(like FRIENDS or FAMILY...)
next to 4, 5, & 6.

DON`T CHEAT OR YOU`LL BE UPSET THAT YOU DID













5. WRITE down FOUR SONG TITLES in 8, 9, 10, & 11
















6. Finally,

MAKE A WISH

ARE YOU READY?
HERE IS THE

KEY TO THE GAME

1. THE NUMBER of PEOPLE YOU MUST TELL ABOUT THIS GAME is found in

SPACE 2

2. THE PERSON IN SPACE

3 IS THE ONE YOU LOVE

3. THE PERSON YOU LIKE but your relationship CANNOT WORK is in

SPACE 7

4. YOU CARE MOST about th e PERSON you put in

SPACE 4

5. THE PERSON YOU NAME IN NUMBER 5 IS THE ONE WHO

KNOWS YOU VERY WELL.

6. THE PERSON YOU NAMED IN 6 IS THE YOUR

LUCKY STAR

7. THE SONG IN 8 IS THE SONG THAT MATCHES WITH THE

PERSON IN NUMBER 3

8. THE TITLE IN 9 IS THE SONG FOR THE

PERSON IN 7

9. THE 10 TH SPACE IS THE SONG THAT TELLS YOU MOST ABOUT

YOUR MIND

10. AND 11 IS THE SONG TELLING HOW YOU

FEEL ABOUT LIFE

11.   NUMBER 1 IS YOUR

LUCKY NUMBER

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