Just for fun........

There are 3 kinds of men in world:

Some remain single & see Wonders happen,

Some have girlfriends & make Wonders happen,

The rest get married & Wonder what happened !!

Harold is 95 and lives in a Senior Citizen Home. 

Every night after dinner, Harold goes to a secluded garden behind the Center to sit and ponder his accomplishments and long life. 

One evening, Mildred, age 87, wanders into the garden. They begin to chat and before they know it, several hours have passed. 

After a short lull in their conversation, Harold turns to Mildred and asks, 'Do you know what I miss most of all?' 

She asks, 'What?'

'Sex!!' he replies 

Mildred exclaims, 'Why you old fart. You couldn't get it up if I held a gun to your head!' 

'I know,' Harold says, 'but it would be nice if a woman could just hold it for a while.' 

Well, I can oblige,' says Mildred, who unzips his trousers, removes his manhood and proceeds to hold it. Afterward, they agree to meet secretly each night in the garden where they would sit and talk and Mildred would hold Harold's manhood. 

Then one night Harold didn't show up at their usual meeting place.  Alarmed, Mildred decided to find Harold and make sure he was O.K. 

She walked around the Senior Citizen Home where she found him sitting by the pool with Ethel, another female resident, who was holding Harold's manhood! 

Furious, Mildred yelled, 'You two-timing son-of-a-bitch! What does Ethel have that I don't have?' 

Old Harold smiled happily and replied, 'Parkinson's.'

A circus owner runs an ad for a lion tamer and two people show up. One is a retired golfer in his late sixties and the other a gorgeous blond in her mid-twenties. The circus owner tells them: "I'm not going to sugar coat it. This is one ferocious lion. He ate my last tamer, so you two had better be good or you're history. Here's your equipment -- chair, whip and a gun. Who wants to try out first?" 

The girl says, "I'll go first." She walks past the chair, the whip and the gun and steps right into the lion's cage. The lion starts to snarl and pant and begins to charge her. About halfway there, she throws open her coat revealing her beautiful naked body. The lion stops dead in his tracks, sheepishly crawls up to her and starts licking her feet and ankles. He continues to lick and kiss her entire body for several minutes and then rests his head at her feet. 

The circus owner's jaw is on the floor. He says, "I've never seen a display like that in my life." He then turns to the retired golfer and asks: "Can you top that?" The tough old golfer replies: "No problem, just get that lion out of there." 
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Everything has been figured out, except how to live.

TENSION:                           The moment you are in tension               You will lose your Attention               You are in Total Confusion               You’ll feel Irritation              You’ll spoil Personal Relation              Ultimately, you won't get Cooperation              You’ll have Complication              Your BP may also raise caution              You may have to take Medication              Instead, Understand the Situation              Try to think about the Solution              Problems will be solved by Discussion              This will work out better in your Profession              Don’t think it’s a free Suggestion               It is only for your prevention              If you understand my Intention              You’ll never again invite Tension!!! To enhance your knowledge regarding your health, financial and monetary conditions and wisdom, keep visiting Health, Wealth and Wisdom To keep yourself updated regarding Dehradun and the world, please visit Doonspot pic courtesy : http://everyview.files.wordpress.com/2009/01/high-tension.jpg,

If u cross the BORDER....................

If you cross the " The North Korean " border illegally!!! You get ..... 12 years hard labour in an isolated prison ..... If you cross the "Iranian" border illegally!!! You get ..... detained indefinitely ..... If you cross the "Afghan" border illegally!!! You get ..... shot ..... If you cross the "Saudi Arabian" border illegally!!! You get ..... jailed ..... If you cross the "Chinese" border illegally!!! You get..... kidnapped and may be never heard of - again..... If you cross the "Venezuelan" border illegally!!! You get...... branded as a spy and your fate is sealed...... If you cross the "Cuban" border illegally!!! You get......  thrown into a political prison to rot..... If you cross the "British" border illegally!!! You get...... arrested, prosecuted, sent to prison and be deported after serving your sentence...... Now..... if You were to cross the "INDIAN" border illegally!!!! You get..... 1.   A Ration Card 2.   A Passport (even more than one - if you please!!!) 3.   A Driving Licence 4.   A Voter Identity Card 5.      No. of Credit Cards 6.   A Haj Subsidy 7.      Job Reservation 8.      Special Privilages for Minorities 9.      Government Housing on Subsidized Rent 10.    Loan to Buy a House 11.    Free Education for Children 12.    Free Health Care 13. A Lobbyist in New Delhi, with a bunch of media morons and a bigger bunch of human rights activists promoting your "Cause" 14.    The right to talk about secularism, which you would not have heard about in your own country!!! 15.    And of-course..... Voting Rights to elect corrupt politicians who will promote your community for their selfish interest in securing your votes !!! Hats off .....  to All The..... A.  Corrupt and Communal Indian Politicians!!!!! B.  Corrupt and Oppertunistic Indian Beaurocrats!!!!! C.  The Inefficient and Corrupt Indian Police Force!!!!! D.  The Silly Pseudo-Secularists in India, who promote Traitors staying here!!!!! E.  The Amazingly Lenient Indian Courts and Legal System!!! F.  The Selfish Indian Citizens, who are not bothered about the dangers to their own country G.  The Illogically Brainless Human-Rights Activists, who think that terrorists deserve to be dealt with by archaic laws meant for an era, when human beings were human beings. To enhance your knowledge regarding your health, financial and monetary conditions and wisdom, keep visiting Health, Wealth and Wisdom To keep yourself updated regarding Dehradun and the world, please visit Doonspot pic courtesy : http://fleetowner.com/topics/cross-border-trucking/cross-border-trucking-LG.jpg,

Big people....big problems

Mukesh Ambani in his 27 storeyed home...... Mukeshbhai gets up from his bed room on 15th floor, takes a swim in the swimming pool on 17th floor, has breakfast on the 19th floor, dresses up for office on 14th floor, collects his files and office bag from his personal office on 21st floor, wishes bye to Nitaben on 16th floor, says ‘see you’to his children on 13th floor, and goes down on 3rd floor to self drive his 2.5 crore Mercedes to office, but then, he finds out that he has forgotten the car keys upstairs.

But on which floor? 15th, 17th, 19th, 14th, 21st, 16th or 13th ? He phones all his servants, cooks,maids, secretaries, pool attendants, gym trainers, lift attendantsetc. on all the floors. There is a hectic search and lot of running around on all the floors, but the key is not traceable . Fed up, after half an hourof frantic search, Mukeshbhai leaves in a huff in a chauffeur driven Ikon car. At 3.30 P.M. late in the afternoon it is discovered that 4 days back , a temporary replacement maid had washed Mukeshbhai's pant and hung it to dry on a string in the balcony of 16th floor, with car keys in the pant pocket. The key had blown away somewhere in the high winds at 16th floor level and was never found. This was detected because of Nitaben's habit of checking clothes given for ironing personally. Meanwhile, after 3 days of the incident, Nitaben with all irritation writ large on her face, complained to Mukeshbhai asking him where he was roaming till 3 A.M. last night … Mukesh replied that he was at home all night. "Then why did the helicopter land in the terrace at 3 A.M? I was so much worried…I could not sleep whole night," quizzed Nitaben. "Oh That helicopter….That helicopter came from Germany , sent by Mercedes people to deliver the duplicate car key".......mumbled Mukesh. Moral of the story : Stay in 1 BHK / 2 BHK flat only. The Least-Problem Home. J

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pic courtesy : http://www.choices.co.uk/blog/wp-content/uploads/2010/10/h-antilla.jpg, 

When a male can't stand it anymore ! Priceless shot!

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Value of family relationship

One young academically excellent person went to apply for a managerial position in a big company.

He passed the first interview; the director did the last interview, made the last decision.

The director discovered from the CV that the youth's academic achievements were excellent all the way, from the secondary school until the postgraduate research, never had a year when he did not score.

The director asked, "Did you obtain any scholarships in school?" the youth answered "none".

The director asked, “Was it your father who paid for your school fees?" The youth answered, "My father passed away when I was one year old, it was my mother who paid for my school fees.

The director asked, “Where did your mother work?" The youth answered, "My mother worked as clothes cleaner. The director requested the youth to show his hands. The youth showed a pair of hands that were smooth and perfect.

The director asked, “Have you ever helped your mother wash the clothes before?" The youth answered, "Never, my mother always wanted me to study and read more books. Furthermore, my mother can wash clothes faster than me.

The director said, "I have a request. When you go back today, go and clean your mother's hands, and then see me tomorrow morning.*

The youth felt that his chance of landing the job was high. When he went back, he happily requested his mother to let him clean her hands. His mother felt strange, happy but with mixed feelings, she showed her hands to the kid.

The youth cleaned his mother's hands slowly. His tear fell as he did that. It was the first time he noticed that his mother's hands were so wrinkled, and there were so many bruises in her hands. Some bruises were so painful that his mother shivered when they were cleaned with water.

This was the first time the youth realized that it was this pair of hands that washed the clothes everyday to enable him to pay the school fee. The bruises in the mother's hands were the price that the mother had to pay for his graduation, academic excellence and his future.

After finishing the cleaning of his mother hands, the youth quietly washed all the remaining clothes for his mother.

That night, mother and son talked for a very long time.

Next morning, the youth went to the director's office.

The Director noticed the tears in the youth's eyes, asked: " Can you tell me what have you done and learned yesterday in your house?"

The youth answered, “I cleaned my mother's hand, and also finished cleaning all the remaining clothes'

The Director asked, “please tell me your feelings."

The youth said,

Number 1, I know now what is appreciation. Without my mother, there would not the successful me today.

Number 2, by working together and helping my mother, only I now realize how difficult and tough it is to get something done.

Number 3, I have come to appreciate the importance and value of family relationship.

The director said, “This is what I am looking for to be my manager.
I want to recruit a person who can appreciate the help of others, a person who knows the sufferings of others to get things done, and a person who would not put money as his only goal in life. You are hired.

Later on, this young person worked very hard, and received the respect of his subordinates. Every employee worked diligently and as a team. The company's performance improved tremendously.

A child, who has been protected and habitually given whatever he wanted, would develop "entitlement mentality" and would always put him first. He would be ignorant of his parent's efforts. When he starts work, he assumes that every person must listen to him, and when he becomes a manager, he would never know the sufferings of his employees and would always blame others. For this kind of people, who may be good academically, may be successful for a while, but eventually would not feel sense of achievement. He will grumble and be full of hatred and fight for more. If we are this kind of protective parents, are we really showing love or are we destroying the kid instead?*

You can let your kid live in a big house, eat a good meal, learn piano, watch a big screen TV. But when you are cutting grass, please let them experience it. After a meal, let them wash their plates and bowls together with their brothers and sisters. It is not because you do not have money to hire a maid, but it is because you want to love them in a right way. You want them to understand, no matter how rich their parents are, one day their hair will grow gray, same as the mother of that young person. The most important thing is your kid learns how to appreciate the effort and experience the difficulty and learns the ability to work with others to get things done.

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