Three couples and Church regulations

Three couples, an elderly couple, a middle aged couple and a young
newlywed couple wanted to join a church.

The pastor says, "We have special requirements for new parishioners.
You must abstain from having sex for two weeks."

The couples agreed and came back at the end of two weeks. The pastor
goes to the elderly couple and asks, "Were you able to abstain from sex
for the two weeks?"

The old man replies, "No problem at all, Pastor."

"Congratulations! Welcome to the church." said the pastor. The pastor
goes to the middle aged couple and asks, "Well, were you able to abstain
from sex for the two weeks?"

The man replied, "The first week was not too bad. The second week I
had to sleep on the couch for a couple of nights but, yes we made it.

"Congratulations!
Welcome to the church." said the pastor. The pastor then goes to the
newlywed couple and asks, 'Well, were you able to abstain from sex for
two weeks?"

"Well Pastor, we were not able to go without sex for the two weeks,"
the young man replied.

"What happened?" inquired the pastor.
"My wife was reaching for a can of corn on the top shelf and dropped it.
When she bent over to pick it up, I was over come with lust and took
advantage of her right there."

"You understand of course, this means you will not be welcome in our
church," stated the pastor.

"That's OK." said the young man, "We're not welcome at Reliance Fresh anymore,
either."

To enhance your knowledge regarding your health, financial and monetary conditions and wisdom, keep visiting Health, Wealth and Wisdom

To keep yourself updated regarding Dehradun and the world, please visit Doonspot

pic courtesy : http://i2.cdn.turner.com/money/2012/03/20/pf/prenuptial-agreements/couple-bed.ju.top.jpg, 

Vacancy in CIA

The CIA was recruiting for a top secret assignment. They were down to three recruits, two men and one woman. Only one could get the position. As a final test each recruit was led down a hallway to a large gray door. The CIA agents say to the first man, "We need to know that you will do whatever we say regardless of the circumstances. Take this gun, go into this room and kill your wife". A look of shock comes over the man's face. He says, "I can't kill my wife. I just can't do it. I guess I'm not the man for this job". "No, you're not", agree the agents, "You're free to go". 

They bring the second man to the door and say, "We need to know that you will do whatever we say regardless of the circumstances. Take this gun, go into this room and kill your wife". The man takes the gun and goes into the room. The room is silent and after five minutes the man opens the door, tears streaming down his face. "I tried," he says, "but I just couldn't do it. I can't kill my wife". The agents let him leave. 

They bring the woman to the door and say, "We need to know that you will do whatever we say regardless of the circumstances. Take this gun, go into this room and kill your husband". She takes the gun and before the door closes  behind her, she shoots off all 13 rounds emptying the gun.

 The door closes behind her and for the next five minutes the agents hear loud banging and grunting. The door finally opens, revealing the sweat-drenched woman. She looks at both agents, wipes her brow and says, "Whew!

You guys didn't tell me that the gun was filled with blanks - I had to beat him to death with the chair!"

To enhance your knowledge regarding your health, financial and monetary conditions and wisdom, keep visiting Health, Wealth and Wisdom

To keep yourself updated regarding Dehradun and the world, please visit Doonspot

pic courtesy ; https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEius6dPa7SHqQZMB51EqPGewqTdRQnzzdWIO2vB1yIUrVbK-ZdVQ55B0UsftbolmeUEhsm1JO6EGvQwTIKiqJ_ynm1ia0zJPpz2FDtt1jTjH7QEwyH7R7093xAvwG30-SauDBUfHNZ1cVA/s1600/cia_identity_crisis_disguise_946845.jpg, 

 

Stress management : how to handle stress

A lecturer, when explaining stress management to an audience, raised a glass of water and asked, "how heavy is this glass of water?"

Answers called out ranged from 20g to 500g. The lecturer replied, "The absolute weight doesn't matter. It depends on how long you try to hold it."

If I hold it for a minute, that's not a problem. If I hold it for an hour, I'll have an ache in my right
arm. If I hold it for a day, you'll have to call an ambulance. 

In each case, it's the same weight, but the longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes. 

He continued, "And that's the way it is with stress management. If we carry our burdens all the time,
sooner or later, as the burden becomes increasingly heavy, we won't be able to carry on. 

As with the glass of water, you have to put it down for a while and rest before holding it again. When
we're refreshed, we can carry on with the burden. 

So, before you return home tonight, put the burden of work down. Don't carry it home. You can pick it up tomorrow. Whatever burdens you're carrying now, let them down for a moment if you can. Relax; pick them up later after you've rested. Life is short. Enjoy it! 

To enhance your knowledge regarding your health, financial and monetary conditions and wisdom, keep visiting Health, Wealth and Wisdom

To keep yourself updated regarding Dehradun and the world, please visit Doonspot

pic courtesy : http://curezone.com/upload/_E_F_Forums/Fasting/glass_of_water_0808_lg_10661967_c6O80CPI7U7J.jpg, 

The best advice I ever got - by Mike Litman (Stretch Yourself)

I was reading a recent edition of Forbes Magazine and the theme was "the best advice I ever got" and I want to share one story with you.

The magazine was interviewing billionaire Richard Branson, the founder of Virgin Atlantic Airways, and he said something very interesting.

Talking about his mentor, Freddie Laker, Branson said: "At the time, I was running a little record company; I was about 17 years old. The first time I met him was some years later. I was thinking about setting up my own airline.

He gave me this advice: 'You'll never have the advertising power to outsell British Airways. You are going to have to get out there and use yourself. Make a fool of yourself. Otherwise you won't survive'."

Many people ask me, they say, "Mike, what are some tips on how to be successful?" I want to share one with you that was very tough for me; I still struggle with it today at times, but I've had my share of victories as well.

If you re-read the quote above from Richard Branson, you'll see that his mentor gave him the advice of "Make a fool out of yourself." I want to say it a different way to you.

I'll say it this way:

You're not going to unleash your greatness and reach your financial goals if you don't STRETCH YOURSELF.

Fact.

To do something great you must first be uncomfortable.

Uncomfortable always comes before comfortable.

Michael Dell, Tiger Woods, Warren Buffet, Julia Roberts all stretched themselves a ton, they took risks, and they had the COURAGE to persevere.

Here's the good news.

You don't need to stretch yourself 100%, 50% or even 25%.

This is what you need to do today. Stretch yourself 1%. Yes, that's it!

Ask yourself:

What is one action that I know I need to do today, but that is uncomfortable and tough for me to do?

DO IT!

Is it prospecting, public speaking, asking for a raise? Whatever it is, stretch yourself and GO FOR IT.

I believe in you and it's time you 'knock the ball out of the park' and live your dreams.

Richard Branson was scared also, he had a ton of fears and probably still does to this day.

He just made the DECISION to go for it and now he's one of the wealthiest people in the world.

Give yourself the gift of stretching yourself 1% today.

To enhance your knowledge regarding your health, financial and monetary conditions and wisdom, keep visiting Health, Wealth and Wisdom

To keep yourself updated regarding Dehradun and the world, please visit Doonspot

Husband and wife

A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.

Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen.

"Careful," he said, "CAREFUL! Put in some more butter!
Oh my GOD! You're cooking too many at once.
TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW!
We need more butter. Oh my GOD!
WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER?
They're going to STICK! Careful . CAREFUL!
I said be CAREFUL!
You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never!
Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY?
Have you LOST your mind?
Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!"

The wife stared at him. "What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"

The husband calmly replied, "I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving."

********************************************************************

A smartly attired lady was walking down the street when she was

accosted

by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking

homeless woman who asked her for a couple of

dollars for dinner.

She took out her wallet, removed ten dollars and

asked,

'If I give you this money, will you buy wine with

it instead of dinner?'

'No, I had to stop drinking years ago', the

homeless woman told her.

'Will you use it to go shopping instead of buying

food?' the lady asked.

'No, I don't waste time shopping,' the homeless

woman said. 'I need to spend all my time trying

to stay alive.'

'Will you spend this on a beauty salon instead of

food?' the lady asked.

'Are you NUTS!' replied the homeless woman.

I haven't had my hair done in 20 years!'

'Well, the lady said, 'I'm not going to give you the

money. Instead, I'm going to take you out for

dinner with my husband and me tonight.'

The homeless Woman was shocked. 'Won't your

husband be furious with you for doing that? I know

I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting.'

The lady replied, 'That's okay. It's important for him to see what a woman looks like after she has given up

shopping, hair appointments, and wine.'

To enhance your knowledge regarding your health, financial and monetary conditions and wisdom, keep visiting Health, Wealth and Wisdom

To keep yourself updated regarding Dehradun and the world, please visit Doonspot

pic courtesy : http://www.clipartguide.com, 

Be a nice person....

A boy and a girl were playing together. The boy had a collection of marbles. The girl had some sweets with her. The boy told the girl that he will give her all his marbles in exchange for her sweets. The girl agreed.

The boy kept the biggest and the most beautiful marble aside and gave the rest to the girl. The girl gave him all her sweets as she had promised.

That night, the girl slept peacefully. But the boy couldn't sleep as he kept wondering if the girl had hidden some sweets from him the way he had hidden his best marble.

Moral of the story: If you don't give your hundred percent in a relationship, you'll always keep doubting if the other person has given his/her hundred percent.. This is applicable for any relationship like love, friendship, employer-employee relationship etc., Give your hundred percent to everything you do and sleep peacefully “

"Its Nice To Be an important Person . But, It is more Important to be a Nice Person."

To enhance your knowledge regarding your health, financial and monetary conditions and wisdom, keep visiting Health, Wealth and Wisdom

To keep yourself updated regarding Dehradun and the world, please visit Doonspot

pic courtesy : http://www.whatistruth.info/poem/rqpubImg2n.jpg, 

Inspirational Quotes

To enhance your knowledge regarding your health, financial and monetary conditions and wisdom, keep visiting Health, Wealth and Wisdom

To keep yourself updated regarding Dehradun and the world, please visit Doonspot