A family....

A family-

Youngest son to his father : dad, what’s the difference between “hypothetically” and ”reality” , dad turns to wife: would u sleep with Tom Cruise for $ 1 Million? Wife: of course! I would never waste such an opportunity. Then dad asks daughter: would you sleep with Tom cruise for $ 1 Million? Daughter: yes, he is my fantasy. Dad asks elder son: would you sleep  with Tom Cruise for $ 1 Million? Elder son: why not? Imagine what I could do with that money!! Father turns to his younger son: you see son “hypothetically” we are sitting with $ 3 Million but in ”reality” we are living with 2 prostitutes and 1 gay bastard!

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Don't let the cups matter...Enjoy the Coffee

A group of alumni, highly established in their careers, got together to visit their old university professor. Conversation soon turned into complaints about stress in work and life. Offering his guests coffee, the professor went to the kitchen and returned with a large pot of coffee and an assortment of cups porcelain, plastic, glass, crystal, some plain looking, some expensive, some exquisite - telling them to help themselves to hot coffee.

 When all the students had a cup of coffee in hand, the professor said: "If you noticed, all the nice looking expensive cups were taken up, leaving behind the plain and cheap ones. While it is but normal for you to want only the best for yourselves, that is the source of your problems and stress.

What all of you really wanted was coffee, not the cup, but you consciously went for the best cups and were eyeing each other's cups. Now if life is coffee, then the jobs, money and position in society are the cups. 

They are just tools to hold and contain Life, but the quality of Life doesn't change. 

Some times, by concentrating only on the cup, we fail to enjoy the coffee in it." 

Pls. don't let the cups matter... Enjoy the coffee instead. 

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pic courtesy : http://www.photographyblogger.net/wp-content/uploads/2009/05/coffee-cup4.jpg, 

Effective weight loss program

A fellow was reading the paper one day lamenting the fact that his doctor has ordered him to lose 75 pounds.  Next thing he sees is an advertisement for a guaranteed weight loss program.  Guaranteed like heck, he thinks to himself. But let’s see what they think they can do.

He calls them on the phone and subscribes to the 3 day, 10 LB weight loss program. The next day there comes a knock at his door, and when he answers, there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nikes and a sign hanging around her neck.  She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company.  The sign reads, If you can catch me, you can have me. Well, without a second thought he takes off after her (like who wouldn't).

A few miles later, huffing and puffing, he finally catches her and has his way with her.  After they are through he kisses the girl one last time and thinks to himself with a nod, I like the way this company does business.

For the next two days, the same girl shows up and the same thing happens each time.  On the fourth day, he weighs himself and, sure enough, he has lost 10 pounds.  Deciding that he likes his somewhat more slender physique, not to mention the method of treatment, he calls the company back  and subscribes to their 5 day, 20 LB weight loss program. He thinks that losing 20 pounds in only 5 days seems like a lot, but he is intrigued by what their workout schedule might
be like this time.

As expected, the next day there comes a knock at his door. When he answers it there stands a 22 year old knockout dressed in nothing but a pair of Reeboks and a sign hanging around her neck. She is simply stunning, the most beautiful woman he has ever seen.  She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company. The sign reads, If you can catch me, you can have me.

He's out the door like a shot. This gal is in excellent shape and it takes a while to catch her.  But when he does, it is worth every cramp and wheeze.  She is wonderful, the best he has ever had. He is really looking forward to the next four days... For the next four days, the same girl shows up and the same thing happens each time, much to his delight.  On the sixth day, he weighs himself and, unbelievably, he has lost another 20 pounds.  I love this company, he thinks to himself, I never knew losing weight could be so easy and so much fun.

Feeling much better about himself, he decides to go for broke and subscribe to the companies 7 day, 50 pound weight loss program. Are you sure, sir? asks the representative on the phone. This is our most rigorous program. Absolutely, says he, I love your program. haven't felt  this good in years!

The next day there comes a knock at his door and he enthusiastically answers it. There stands before him a 200 pound perfect specimen of a man dressed in nothing but racing spikes and a sign around his neck.  He introduces himself as a representative of the weight loss company.

The sign reads, if I can catch you, I can have you.

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Happy Krishna Janmashtami

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pic courtesy : http://sms.latestsms.in/wp-content/uploads/happy-janmashtami-greetings.jpg, 

OIL or 710

 A few days ago I was having some work done at my local garage. A blonde came in and asked for a seven-hundred- ten. 

We all looked at each other and another customer asked, 'What is a seven-hundred- ten?' 
She replied, 'You know, the little piece in the middle of the engine, I have lost it and need a new one..' 

She replied that she did not know exactly what it was, but this piece had always been there. 

The mechanic gave her a piece of paper and a pen and asked her to draw what the piece looked like. 

She drew a circle and in the middle of it wrote 710. H e then took her over to a car just like hers which had its hood up and asked 'is there a 710 on this car?' 

She pointed and said, 'Of course, its right there.' 

If you're not sure what a 710 is 






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Mail sent by Narayan Murthy to all Infosys staff:

It's half past 8 in the office but the lights are still on...  

PCs still running, coffee machines still buzzing...
And who's at work? Most of them ??? Take a closer look... 

All or most specimens are ??
Something male species of the human race... 

Look closer... again all or most of them are bachelors... 

And why are they sitting late? Working hard? No way!!!
Any guesses???
Let's ask one of them...
Here's what he says... "What's there 2 do after going home...Here we get to surf, AC, phone, food, coffee that is why I am working late...Importantly no bossssssss!! !!!!!!!!!" 

This is the scene in most research centers and software companies and other off-shore offices. 

Bachelors "Time-passing" during late hours in the office just bcoz they say they've nothing else to do...
Now what r the consequences. .. 

"Working" (for the record only) late hours soon becomes part of the institute or company culture. 

With bosses more than eager to provide support to those "working" late in the form of taxi vouchers, food vouchers and of course good feedback, (oh, he's a hard worker... goes home only to change..!!).
They aren't helping things too... 

To hell with bosses who don't understand the difference between "sitting" late and "working" late!!! 

Very soon, the boss start expecting all employees to put in extra working hours. 

So, My dear Bachelors let me tell you, life changes when u get married and start having a family... office is no longer a priority, family is... and
That's when the problem starts... b'coz u start having commitments at home too. 

For your boss, the earlier "hardworking" guy suddenly seems to become a "early leaver" even if u leave an hour after regular time... after doing the same amount of work. 

People leaving on time after doing their tasks for the day are labelled as work-shirkers. .. 

Girls who thankfully always (its changing nowadays... though) leave on time are labelled as "not up to it". All the while, the bachelors pat their own backs and carry on "working" not realizing that they r spoiling the work culture at their own place and never realize that they would have to regret at one point of time. 

So what's the moral of the story??
* Very clear, LEAVE ON TIME!!!
* Never put in extra time " unless really needed "
* Don't stay back unnecessarily and spoil your company work culture which will in turn cause inconvenience to you and your colleagues. 

There are hundred other things to do in the evening.. 

Learn music... 

Learn a foreign language... 

Try a sport... TT, cricket..... .... 

Importantly, get a girl friend or boy friend, take him/her around town... 

* And for heaven's sake, net cafe rates have dropped to an all-time low (plus, no fire-walls) and try cooking for a change. 

Take a tip from the Smirnoff ad: *"Life's calling, where are you??"* 

Please pass on this message to all those colleagues and please do it before leaving time, don't stay back till midnight to forward this!!! 

IT'S A TYPICAL INDIAN MENTALITY THAT WORKING FOR LONG HOURS MEANS VERY HARD WORKING & 100% COMMITMENT ETC. 

PEOPLE WHO REGULARLY SIT LATE IN THE OFFICE DON'T KNOW TO MANAGE THEIR TIME. SIMPLE!

Regards,
NARAYAN MURTHY

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30 second speech by Bryan Dyson

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