(Nice One from Reader's Digest)
One day I
met a sweet gentleman and fell in love. When it became apparent that we would
marry, I made the supreme sacrifice and gave up eating beans.
Some
months later, on my birthday, my car broke down on the way home from
work. Since I lived in the countryside, I called my husband and told him
that I would be late because I had to walk home. On my way, I passed by a small
diner and the odour of baked beans was more than I could stand.
With
miles to walk, I figured that I would walk off any ill effects by the
time I reached home, so I stopped at the dinner
and before I knew it, I had consumed three large orders of baked beans.
All
the way home, I made sure that I released all the gas. Upon my arrival, my
husband seemed excited to see me and exclaimed delightedly: "Darling I
have a surprise for dinner tonight." He then blindfolded me and led me to
my chair at the dinner table. I took a seat and just as he was about to remove
my blindfold, the telephone rang. He made me promise not to touch the blindfold
until he returned and went to answer the call. The baked beans I had
consumed were still affecting me and the pressure was becoming most
unbearable, so while my husband was out of the
room I seized the opportunity, shifted my weight to one leg and let
one go. It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running
over a skunk in front of a pulpwood mill.
I
took my napkin from my lap and fanned the air around me vigorously. Then,
shifting to the other cheek, I ripped off three more. The stink was worse than
stinking cabbage. Keeping my ears carefully tuned to the conversation in the
other room, I went on like this for another few minutes. The pleasure was
indescribable. When eventually the telephone farewells signaled
the end of my freedom, I quickly fanned the air a few more times
with my napkin, placed it on my lap and folded my hands back on it feeling
very relieved and pleased with myself. My face must have been the
picture of innocence when my husband returned, apologizing for taking so long.
He
asked me if I had peeked through the blindfold, and I assured him I had
not. At this point, he removed the blindfold, and twelve dinner guests
seated around the table chorused: "Happy Birthday!" I nearly died!
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