Time to laugh....

A French teacher was explaining to her class that in French, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine. "House" for instance, is feminine -- "la maison." "Pencil”, however, is masculine -- "le crayon."

A student asked, "What gender is 'computer'?" Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether “computer" should be a masculine or a feminine noun. Each group was asked to give four reasons for their recommendation.

The men's group decided that "computer" should definitely be of the feminine gender ("la computer"), because:

1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic;

2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else;

3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval; and

4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your pay check on accessories for it. (No chuckling guys... this gets better!!!)

The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be Masculine (le computer"), because:

1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;

2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves;

3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem; and

4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.

The women won

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Man: Sir, my wife is missing.

Postman: Yeh post office hai, police station nahi.

Man: Kya karu? Kahan jau? Khushi k maare kuchh samajh me nahi aa raha.

Husband: Tumse Shaadi Karke Mujhe Ek Bahut Bada Faayda Hua Hai.

Wife: Woh Kya?

Husband: Mujhe Mere Gunaaho ki Saza Jeete-Jee Hi Mil Gayi!

Why are wives more dangerous than the Mafia?

The mafia wants either your money or life... The wives want both!

A boy on Date With Gal in BMW. Jaan ! Maine tumse ek baat chupaai hai ki I'm already married.

Girl: Oh GOD! Tumne To dara he dia, main Samjhi ye Car tumhari nahi.

Men who don´t understand women at all, by & large, fall into two groups: Bachelors and Husbands.

Wife to her friend: My hubby bought me a Mood ring the other day. When I'm in a gud mood, it turns Green & when Im in a bad mood, it leaves a red mark on his forehead!

**********************************************************************

Kammu phoned her husband Nil at work as usual for a chat.

Nil said, "Kammu darling, I am terribly busy today, can you call me back later today perhaps"

Kammu said, "But sweetheart, I have a good news, and I have a bad news to give to you."

Nil said, "Darling, I do not have time, so why don't you give me the good news now, and when I come back home in the evening then give me the bad news, this way I can focus here, and do not spoil my work."

Kammu said, "OK dear. The good news is, the Air bag of our brand new Lexus works, I got my life saved. And when you come back home in the evening I will give you the bad news."

And then Kammu hung up.

*********************************************************************

Teacher tells a student a=b, b=c implies a=c. Tell me an example. Student: I love u - u love your daughter - so I love your daughter.

2) Its funny when people discuss over "love marriage" and "arranged marriage" It is like asking a person if he would like to "hang himself" or "shoot himself".

3) What is a girl friend? ---- Addition of problems, subtraction of money, multiplication of enemies & division of friends.

4) A married man was asked to perform his SWOT (Strength, Weakness, Opportunity, and Threat) Analysis. He said, my strength is my wife. My weakness is my neighbours’ wife. Opportunity comes when neighbour goes out. Threat comes when I myself go out

5) Guide: "I welcome you all to Niagara Falls. These are the world's largest waterfalls and the sound intensity of the waterfall is so high, even 20 supersonic planes passing by can't be heard. Now may I request the ladies to keep quiet so that we can hear the Niagara Falls?"

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tags : married, man, woman, Niagara Falls, waterfalls, Strength, Weakness, Opportunity, Threat

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Oye Guru! Sidhuism for you...

---- Collection of famous quotes by Navjot Singh Sidhu

1. That ball went so high it could have got an air hostess down with it.

2. There is light at the end of the tunnel for India, but it's that of an incoming train which will run them over.

3. Experience is like a comb that life gives you when you are bald.

4. This quote was made after Ganguly called Dravid for a run and midway sent him back and Dravid was run out in the third test against the West Indies at Barbados."Ganguly has thrown a drowning man both ends of the rope."

5. Sri Lankan score is running like an Indian taximeter.

6. Statistics are like miniskirts, they reveal more than what they hide.

7. Wickets are like wives - you never know which way they will turn!

8. He is like Indian three-wheeler, which will suck a lot of diesel but cannot go beyond 30!

9. The Indians are going to beat the Kiwis! Let me tell you, my friend that the Kiwi is the only bird in the whole world, which does not have wings!

10. As uncomfortable as a bum on a porcupine.

11. The ball whizzes past like a bumble -bee and the Indians are in the sea.

12. The Indians are finding the gaps like a pin a haystack.

13. The pitch is as dead as a dodo.

14. Deep Dasgupta is as confused as a child is in a topless bar!

15. The way Indian wickets are falling reminds of the cycle stand at Rajendra Talkies in Patiala one falls and everything else falls!

16. Indian team without Sachin is like giving Kiss without a Squeeze.

17. You cannot make Omelets without breaking the eggs.

18. Deep Dasgupta is not a Wicket Keeper, he is a goalkeeper. He must be given a free transfer to Manchester United.

19. He will fight a rattlesnake and give it the first two bites too.

20. One, who doesn't throw the dice, can never expect to score a six.

21. This quote was made after Eddie Nichols, the third umpire, ruled Shivnarine Chanderpaul 'NOT OUT' in the second test at Port of Spain T&T "Eddie Nichols is a man who cannot find his own buttocks with his two hands."

22. Anybody can pilot a ship when the sea is calm.

23. Nobody travels on the road to success without a puncture or two.

24. You got to choose between tightening your belt or losing your pants.

25. The cat with gloves catches no mice.

26. Age has been perfect fire extinguisher for flaming youth.

27. You may have a heart of gold, but so does a hard-boiled egg.

28. He is like a one-legged man in a bum kicking competition.

29. The third umpires should be changed as often as nappies and for the same reason.

30. Kumble's bowling at the moment is flat as a Dosa.

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tags : sidhu, kumble, egg, gold, Indian

pic courtesy : http://www.telegraph.co.uk/, 

Great thoughts---Great Minds

Aristotle said so....

We make war that we may live in peace.

We are what we repeatedly do….Men acquire a particular quality by constantly acting in a particular way---you become just by performing just actions, temperate by performing temperate actions, brave by performing brave actions.

I count him braver who overcomes his desires than one who conquers his enemies, for the hardest victory is over self.

Law is mind without reason.

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Confucius said so...

The STRENGTH of a nation derives from the integrity of the home.

The real fault is to have fault and not to amend them.

The young man who has not wept is a savage, and the old man who will not laugh is a fool.

The superior man is distressed by the limitation of his ability; he is not distressed by the fact that men do not recognize the ability that he has.

Virtue is never left to stand alone

Things that are done, it is needless to speak about; things that are past it is needless to blame

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tags : Aristotle, Confucius, virtue, savage, strength, integrity

http://etc.usf.edu/, pics courtesy: http://www.bun.kyoto-u.ac.jp/, 

VODKA Is A Great Drink But There Are Some Other Uses of VODKA As Well

Thus always keep a bottle of Vodka handy ;)

1. To remove a bandage painlessly, saturate the bandage with vodka. The solvent dissolves the adhesive.

2. To clean the caulking around bathtubs and showers, fill a trigger-spray bottle with vodka, spray the caulking, let set 5 minutes and wash clean. The alcohol in the vodka kills mold and mildew.

3. To clean your eyeglasses, simply wipe the lenses with a soft, clean cloth dampened with vodka. The alcohol in the vodka cleans the glass and kills germs.

4. Prolong the life of razors by filling a cup with vodka and letting your safety razor blade soak in the alcohol after shaving. The vodka disinfects the blade and prevents rusting.

5. Spray vodka on vomit stains, scrub with a brush, and then blot dry.

6. Using a cotton ball, apply vodka to your face as an astringent to cleanse the skin and tighten pores.

7. Add a splash of vodka to a 12-ounce bottle of shampoo. The alcohol cleanses the scalp, removes toxins from hair and stimulates the growth of healthy hair.

8. Fill a 16-ounce trigger-spray bottle and spray bees or wasps to kill them.

9. Pour 1/2 cup vodka and 1/2 cup water in a freezer bag and freeze for a slushy, reusable ice pack for aches, pain or black eyes...

10. Fill a clean, empty jar with freshly packed lavender flowers. Fill the jar with vodka, seal the lid tightly, and set it in the sun for 3 days. Strain liquid, then apply the tincture to aches and pains.

11. Make your own mouthwash by mixing 9 tablespoons powered cinnamon with 1 cup vodka. Seal in an airtight container for 2 weeks. Strain through a coffee filter. Mix with warm water and rinse your mouth. (DON'T SWALLOW!)

12. Using a cotton swab, apply vodka to a cold sore to help it dry out.

13. If blister opens, pour vodka over the raw skin as a local anesthetic that also disinfects the exposed dermis.

14. To treat dandruff, mix 1 cup vodka with 2 teaspoons crushed rosemary. Let sit 2 days, strain through a coffee filter, massage into your scalp and dry.

15. To treat an earache, put a few drops of vodka in your ear. Let sit for a few minutes, then drain. Vodka will kill the bacteria causing pain in your ear.

16. To relieve a fever, use a washcloth to rub vodka on your chest and back as a liniment.

17. To cure foot odor, wash your feet with vodka.

18. Vodka will disinfect and alleviate a jellyfish sting.

19. Swish a shot of vodka over an aching tooth. Allow your gums to absorb some of the alcohol to numb the pain.

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20. If all else fails, just turn the bottle upside-down and drink it. Then nothing else will matter anyway! - The best use of Vodka :-)

Not sure if these points are true. You need to try it out.

But I am sure about point number 20. You try it and nothing else will matter ;-)

Cheers (Hic)

tags : vodka, alchohol, gums, bandage

pic courtesy: http://img.alibaba.com/, 

Are you in love?

I'm sharing a lovely email with you all, I hope you will like it-----

When you are together with that special someone, you pretend to ignore that person. But when that special someone is not around, you might look around to find them. At that moment, you are in love.

Although there is someone else who always makes you laugh, your eyes and attention might go only to that special someone. Then, you are in love.

Although that special someone was supposed to have called you long back, to let you know of their safe arrival, your phone is quiet.You are desperately waiting for the call! At that moment, you are in love.

If you are much more excited for one short e-mail from that special someone than other many long e-mails, you are in love.

When you find yourself as one who cannot erase all the emails or SMS messages in your phone because of one message from that special someone, you are in love.

When you get a couple of free movie tickets, you would not hesitate to think of that special someone. Then, you are in love.

You keep telling yourself, "that special someone is just a friend”, but you realize that you can not avoid that person's special attraction. At that moment, you are in love.

While you are reading this mail, if someone appears in your mind, then u are in love with that person...;))

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tags : movie, sms, attraction, waiting, friend

pic courtesy: http://images.art.com/, 

Bottomline

Don't be too good, I will miss you.

Don't be too caring, I might like you.

Don't be too sweet, I might fall for you.

It's hard for me to love you when you won't love me after all...

Bottomline: A person who makes me love him/her is actually a person who loves me more than I love him/her.

If someone comes into your life and becomes a part of you but for some reason she couldn't stay, don't cry too much... just be glad that your paths crossed and somehow she made you happy even for a while.

Bottomline: Time will tell, if she's yours he will come back

Two tear drops were floating down the river.

One teardrop said to the other, "I'm the teardrop of a girl who loved a man and lost him. Who are you?"

"I'm the teardrop of the man who regret letting a girl go..."

Bottomline: Nobody will sympathize a person who constantly let chances pass by without making any efforts to salvage. We normally don't realise how important our loved and closed ones are until they left us, we'll start reminiscences which results in misery.

Love can make you happy although often times it hurts.

But love is only special if you give it to which it's worth.

Bottomline: If you found someone who truly appreciates you, she deserves more of your love.

What If someone tells you this: I don't believe in courtship.

It's just a waste of time. If I love the person, I'll tell him/her right away.

But for you I will make an exception... just love me now and I'll court you forever...

Bottomline : Love needs time to realise, there might be love at first sight but it takes time to let one gradually discover their affection towards another, miss him/her when he/she is not around, hope to hear from he/she when the person has not written or called.

It's always better to have found the courage to love even if you lose it in the end, rather than never find love because you were too afraid of the challenge.

Bottomline: Don't give up if you face or think that you have competitors. It's always better to try... if you succeed, the reward is more than you can expect. But if you don't try or don't summon up the courage, you might lose the one you like/love forever...

The greatest challenge in our life is to find someone who knows our flaws and differences and yet still willingly embraces you with so much love.

Bottomline: Love is a means of self giving and self sacrificing, if he/she knows your flaws and is still willing to accept you, continue to like/love you as you are or even more, boy, you are lucky!
This person truly deserves your love and affection.

The spaces between our fingers were created so that another person's fingers could fill them in.

Bottomline: Open your heart, let people love you, never doubt their intentions, sincerity can be felt by the heart.

When you love, it is not for you to be understood but for you to understand; not for you to take but for you to be taken; to listen not to dictate; to sacrifice and not to demand; not to count or measure; but to love.

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tags : bottomline, sacrifice, intentions, challenge

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Let me tell you something

• The liquid inside young coconuts can be used as a substitute for Blood plasma.
• No piece of paper can be folded in half more than seven (7) times.
• Donkeys kill more people annually than plane crashes.
• You burn more calories sleeping than you do watching television.
• Oak trees do not produce acorns until they are fifty (50) years of age or older.
• The first product to have a bar code was Wrigley's gum.
• The King of Hearts is the only king WITHOUT A MOUSTACHE
• American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating one (1) olive from each salad served in first-class.
• Venus is the only planet that rotates clockwise.(Since Venus is normally associated with women, what does this tell you!)
• Apples, not caffeine, are more efficient at waking you up in the morning.
• Most dust particles in your house are made from DEAD SKIN!
• The first owner of the Marlboro Company died of lung cancer.
• So did the first "Marlboro Man.”
• Walt Disney was afraid OF MICE!
• PEARLS MELT IN VINEGAR!
• The three most valuable brand names on earth: Marlboro, Coca Cola, and Budweiser, in that order.
• It is possible to lead a cow upstairs... but, not downstairs.
• A duck's quack doesn't echo, and no one knows why.
• Dentists have recommended that a toothbrush be kept at least six (6) feet away from a toilet to avoid airborne particles resulting from the flush.
• (I keep my toothbrush in the living room now!)
• Richard Millhouse Nixon was the first U.S. president whose name contains all the letters from the word “criminal."
• And the best for last.....Turtles can breathe through their butts.
• (I know some people like that, don't YOU?)

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