Advise from Chetan Bhagat

To enhance your knowledge regarding your health, financial and monetary conditions and wisdom, keep visiting Health, Wealth and Wisdom

To keep yourself updated regarding Dehradun and the world, please visit Doonspot

Indians and rebirth

The angel Gabriel came to the Lord and said: 'I have to talk to you.

We have some Indians up here in heaven and they are causing problems.

They're swinging on the pearly gates, my horn is missing, they are wearing Dolce and Gabana saris instead of their white robes, they are riding Mercedes and BMWs instead of the chariots, and they're selling their halos to people for discounted prices.

They refuse to keep the stairway to Heaven clear or clean, since they keep crouching down midway eating samosas and drinking chai (tea). Some of them are even walking around with just one wing ! 

They do not believe in discipline and push their way through the line.'

The Lord said, 'Indians are Indians. Heaven is home to all my children. If you want to know about real problems, give Satan a call.'

Satan answered the phone, 'Hello? Damn, hold on a minute.' Satan returned to the phone, 'OK I'm back. What can I do for you?'

Gabriel replied, 'I just wanted to know what kind of problems you're having down there.'

Satan says, 'Hold on again. I need to check on something.'

After about 5 minutes Satan returns to the phone and said, 'I'm back. Now what was the question?'

Gabriel said, 'What kind of problems are you having down there?'

Satan says, 'Man I don't believe this .. Hold on.'

This time Satan was gone at least 15 minutes. He returned and said, "I'm sorry Gabriel, I can't talk right now. These Indians are trying to install air conditioning and making hell a comfortable place to live in by putting out the fire, which is there to keep them uncomfortably hot!! Since they are so tech savvy, they were trying to start a telephone and IT connection between heaven and hell between ME and GOD. They have started a socal network service for the troubled
and believe in Karma and are good in convincing others. Some were trying to start a chai - pakora, Chole batura, channa, Dosa and samosa, barfi, Chakli and Dokla shop, which I had to stop. 

Many have no trouble living in dirt as they are so used to it down on earth. We have shortage of toilets to make them uncomfortable as this is Hell, but they have no problems in doing everything outside in open. 

They are excellent in corrupting everyone and my staff are being bribed by them and I have difficulty in controlling the graft and corruption in Hell. 

They never complain as this place seems to be better from where they came. I am having such a hard time controlling and dealing with them!! I am therefore requesting you OH LORD, PLEASE send them back to earth as soon as they arrive for re-birth".So this is why Indians are the only ones that are re-born !

To enhance your knowledge regarding your health, financial and monetary conditions and wisdom, keep visiting Health, Wealth and Wisdom

To keep yourself updated regarding Dehradun and the world, please visit Doonspot

pic courtesy : https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjHffQ2nAOScZ4vamQZHElohfMVXcxxv8C9fWXXvJdjvDxL986RZrMMuMKIiJDBHKu44UUGHcyEk_OrjNBIutGT7OdpFckAKFt1kTCtNbrrv_SSQ5TiNPs2xEFABBGHBKy3JvmIssAaVJg/s1600/Rebirth.jpg, 

Love and Lies

One of the best mails in recent times

[Anonymous kid]: Daddy Daddy...

[Anonymous Dad] :Yes Timmy !

[Ano...eh... Timmy] :Daddy, I've got an assignment to write for school. Will you help me? Pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

[Dad]: Oh ! Okay !! What's yr assignment on?

[Timmy] :Love !

[Dad] :Wow ! You have an assignment on it ? In my days, the teachers were against our er... assignments ;)

[Timmy] :No Dad, we are supposed to write something on the meaning of love...its Valentines day, na !

[Dad] :Love...hmm lemme see !

[Timmy] :wait. Wait... Lemme write it down... :)

[Dad] :Love... Love is about Lies !

[Timmy]: Lies ???

[Dad] :You see, Timmy... All my life, i have said lies in love & i've found it to be the best gift you can give a person.

[Timmy] :How, Dad?

[Dad] :Well, the first time i met yr mom for a Valentines day 7 yrs ago. She was not the hottest of chicks in college, if you know wt i mean...

[Timmy] :Hot chick ?

[Dad] :You get it in due time, son... ;)
Anyways... i saw this cute girl standing at a corner of the dance floor. I heard one of my friends say that she couldn't get any date for the party. 
So here i was, cursing my luck as my date's grandmom expired n that left me in the same predicament ?

[Timmy] :Pedica ??

[Dad] :Predicament...means..eh, problem !

[Timmy] :Oh...

[Dad] :So i went up to yr Mom n told her.."Hey, How come such a beautiful lady like you does not have all the guys crooning over you?"
Now, i knew very well that even i wouldn't have asked her to dance if i had a choice, but it was that one little lie that got us together !

[Timmy]: But Dad, aint it bad to lie ?

[Dad] :Son, sometimes you have to lie to make the ppl you love happy !
Every Valentines day after that, i used to tell yr mom that she was the most beautiful girl in the whole world.
Now yes, i think she's cute & pretty in a special kind of way, but you tell me...Do you think she has the legs of Sharon Stone and the figure of Alicia Silverstone ?

[Timmy] :Eh... I dont know any of these stones, dad !

[Dad] :Hmm.. ok...Lets just say that yr mom was just an ordinary Wilma from the Flintstones !

[Timmy] :I know Wilma ! I know Wilma !!

[Dad] :Hehe... & then again...
When yr mom was pregnant with you... she used to ask me every day how she looked ? Did she look fat ?
Now frankly, she had gained about 30-40 pounds... & was always in one of her moods..
But i'd tell her.."Nooooooooooooo Honey, you are glowing ! You look fabulous !!
Now if i told her she looked like a fat cow, it would have hurt her !

[Timmy] :Ya...

[Dad] :So you see son...Love is when you say those little lies to keep someone happy !
ok... i've gotta go now... All the best with yr assignment...

[Timmy] :Bye Dad !

............................

[Timmy] :Love means lying ??? Maybe i'll ask Mom
Mommyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy...

[Timmy] :Mom..Mom... i have an assignment for school...you will help me, na !

[Mom] :Timmy, you know i'v to go out with daddy in another 1/2 hr

[Timmy] :Pleaseeeeeeeee Mommy !

[Mom]: ok...Timmy. wts the topic ?

[Timmy]: Eh... Love !

[Mom] :Love...Love is about knowing the goodness of a person's heart, honey !

[Timmy] :Goodness of heart ? huh ?

[Mom] :It’s like this...
When i was in college, yr Dad used to tell me i should be in hollywood. Now i knew he was just lying, but i also knew that he dint want me in hollywood, but rt next to him!
& when i was pregnant, i used to look so fat i looked like Santa Claus ! But yr Dad would say i was looked weak n would feed me everything he could find !
His lies were so dumb, i even thought i had married a stupid...but the truth is that this stupid cared enough to lie...just to make me happy !

[Timmy] :But... he was lying, rt ?

[Mom] :Well honey...he was just being a guy !
& i knew everytime that he was lying to me... but every single time, i also knew that he said those lies coz he loved me !

[Timmy] :Hmm...

[Mom] :Ok honey... i'v to go get ready now. byeeeee

........................

Assignment
Topic : Love
Author : Timmy

Love... When someone lies to you n you smile... coz you know the person cares enough for ur happiness to lie to you !!!

The End

To enhance your knowledge regarding your health, financial and monetary conditions and wisdom, keep visiting Health, Wealth and Wisdom

To keep yourself updated regarding Dehradun and the world, please visit Doonspot

pic courtesy : http://files.sharenator.com/love_lies_The_cake_is_NOT_a_lie-s402x268-25248.jpg, 

You have to be old enough to remember Abbott and Costello, and too old to REALLY understand computers, to fully appreciate this. For those of us who sometimes get flustered by our computers, please read on...

If Bud Abbott and Lou Costello were alive today, their infamous sketch, 'Who's on First?' might have turned out something like this: 

COSTELLO CALLS TO BUY A COMPUTER FROM ABBOTT 
ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?

COSTELLO: Thanks I'm setting up an office in my den and I'm thinking about buying a computer. 

ABBOTT: Mac?

COSTELLO: No, the name's Lou.

ABBOTT: Your computer?

COSTELLO: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one.

ABBOTT: Mac?

COSTELLO: I told you, my name's Lou.

ABBOTT: What about Windows? 

COSTELLO: Why? Will it get stuffy in here?

ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows?

COSTELLO: I don't know. What will I see when I look at the windows?

ABBOTT: Wallpaper.

COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software. 

ABBOTT: Software for Windows?

COSTELLO: No. On the computer! I need something I can use to write proposals, track expenses and run my business. What do you have?

ABBOTT: Office.

COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything? 

ABBOTT: I just did.

COSTELLO: You just did what?

ABBOTT: Recommend something.

COSTELLO: You recommended something?

ABBOTT: Yes.

COSTELLO: For my office?

ABBOTT: Yes.

COSTELLO: OK, what did you recommend for my office?

ABBOTT: Office.

COSTELLO: Yes, for my office!

ABBOTT: I recommend Office with Windows.

COSTELLO: I already have an office with windows! OK, let's just say I'm sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal. What do I need? 

ABBOTT: Word.

COSTELLO: What word?

ABBOTT: Word in Office.

COSTELLO: The only word in office is office.

ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.

COSTELLO: Which word in office for windows? 

ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the blue 'W'.

COSTELLO: I'm going to click your blue 'w' if you don't start with some straight answers. What about financial bookkeeping? You have anything I can track my money with? 

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: That's right. What do you have?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: I need money to track my money?

ABBOTT: It comes bundled with your computer.

COSTELLO: What's bundled with my computer? 

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: Money comes with my computer?

ABBOTT: Yes. No extra charge.

COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?

ABBOTT: One copy.

COSTELLO: Isn't it illegal to copy money? 

ABBOTT: Microsoft gave us a license to copy Money.

COSTELLO: They can give you a license to copy money?

ABBOTT: Why not? THEY OWN IT!

(A few days later)

ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you? 

COSTELLO: How do I turn my computer off?

ABBOTT: Click on 'START'..... ........

To enhance your knowledge regarding your health, financial and monetary conditions and wisdom, keep visiting Health, Wealth and Wisdom

To keep yourself updated regarding Dehradun and the world, please visit Doonspot

pic courtesy : http://tel99.com/index_files/Abbott_Costello.jpg, 

Husband and Wife

Husband & Wife - Come Home Late

A woman was complaining to the neighbour that her husband always came home late, no matter how she tried to stop him. "Take my advice," said the neighbour, "and do what I did. Once my husband came home at three o'clock in the morning, and from my bed I called out: "Is that you, Jim?" And that cured him. "Cured him !" asked the woman, "but how?" The neighbour said, " You see, his name is Bill ."

________________________________

Husband & Wife - Why divorce?

In a divorce court a woman requested the judge: "Your honor, I want to divorce my husband." "But why ?" asked the judge. She replied, "Because he is not faithful to me." The judge asked, "How do you know ?" She replied, " My lord, not a single child resembles him ."

________________________________

Husband & Wife - Love Your Enemy

From his death bed, the husband called his wife and said, "One month after I die I want you to marry Samy." "Samy! But he is your enemy !" "Yes, I know that ! I've suffered all these years so let him suffer now ." 

_________________________________

Husband & Wife - Wedding Ring

At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, "Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger? " The other replied, " Yes I am, I married the wrong man. "

_________________________________

Husband & Wife - Why ?

" Dad, I was away for a week. Yesterday I sent a fax to my wife I'd be home that night, and when I got into my room I found my wife in another man's arms. " Why, Dad ? Tell me why!" Dad kept silent for a few minutes, then coolly said, " Maybe, Son, she didn't get the fax ."

_________________________________

Husband & Wife - Same Service

A husband visited a marriage counselor and said, "When we were first married, I would come home from the office, my wife would bring my slippers and our cute little dog would run around barking. Now after ten years it's all different, I come home, the dog brings the slippers and my wife runs around barking." "Why complain?" said the counselor. " You're still getting the same service !"

_________________________________

Husband & Wife - Talk About Husband

One woman told another : "My neighbour is always speaking ill of her husband, but look at me, my husband is foolish, lazy and a coward; but have I ever said anything bad about him ?"

_________________________________

Husband & Wife - Love To Do

A wife, one evening, drew her husband's attention to the couple next door and said, "Do you see that couple? How devoted they are? He kisses her every time they meet. Why don't you do that?" "I would love to." Replied the husband. " But I don't know her well enough ."

_________________________________

Husband & Wife - No Answer Back

A man was telling his friends, "When my wife is infuriated, she starts shouting at me, my children and even at our dogs and nobody dares answer her." One of his friends asked."And when you are angry, what do you do?" The man replied, " I also shout angrily at the windows and doors of the house and none of them dares to answer bac k. 

_________________________________

Husband & Wife - Problem Father

"You looked troubled," I told my friend, "what's your problem?" He replied, "I'm going to be a father." "But that's wonderful," I said. " What's wonderful? My wife doesn't know about it yet.

To enhance your knowledge regarding your health, financial and monetary conditions and wisdom, keep visiting Health, Wealth and Wisdom

To keep yourself updated regarding Dehradun and the world, please visit Doonspot

pic courtesy : http://rlv.zcache.com/deployed_husband_grumpy_wife_tshirt-p235232219813201789y2d8_400.jpg, 

WHY TO CARRY HATRED.......

A kindergarten teacher has decided to let her class play game. The teacher told each child in the class to bring along a plastic bag containing a few potatoes. Each potato will be given a name of a person that the child hates, so the number of potatoes that a child will put in his/her plastic bag will depend on the number of people he/she hates.

So when the day came, every child brought some potatoes with the name of the people he/she hated. Some had 2 potatoes; some 3 while some up to 5 potatoes. The teacher then told the children to carry with them the potatoes in the plastic bag wherever they go (even to the toilet) for 1 week.

Days after days passed by, and the children started to complain due to the unpleasant smell let out by the rotten potatoes. Besides, those having 5 potatoes also had to carry heavier bags. After 1 week, the children were relieved because the game had finally ended.

The teacher asked: “How did you feel while carrying the potatoes with you for 1 week?” The children let out their frustrations and started complaining of the trouble that they had to go through having to carry the heavy and smelly potatoes wherever they go.Then the teacher told them the hidden meaning behind the game. The teacher said:

“This is exactly the situation when you carry your hatred for somebody inside your heart. The stench of hatred will contaminate your heart and you will carry it with you wherever you go. If you cannot tolerate the smell of rotten potatoes for just 1 week, can you imagine what is it like to have the stench of hatred in your heart for your lifetime?”

To enhance your knowledge regarding your health, financial and monetary conditions and wisdom, keep visiting Health, Wealth and Wisdom

To keep yourself updated regarding Dehradun and the world, please visit Doonspot

pic courtesy : https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg5zFGXVUse-sCoCEA99JJ0dps-2E-NDNcfg6kd4iKk8GrP3k3NKP2wIvUXkXmwv4l4Hollf41BsoFir69axtj5x8h8xqoUSy_QTWWwlx8XTWb17swVjxT4uXI7IjKO0U8ojoeBJz4Wo0z7/s1600/today+i+feel+hatred.jpg, 

Apple tree

A One day, the boy came back to the tree and he looked sad . "Come and play with me" the tree asked the boy. "I am no longer a kid, I do not play around trees any more" the boy replied. "I want toys. I need money to buy them." "Sorry, but I do not have money... but you can pick all my apples and sell them. So, you will have money." The boy was so excited. He grabbed all the apples on the tree and left happily. The boy never came back after he picked the apples. The tree was deeply saddened.

One day, the boy who now turned into a man returned and the tree was excited "Come and play with me" the tree said. "I do not have time to play. I have to work for my family. We need a house for shelter. Can you help me ? " " Sorry, but I do not have any house. But you can chop off my branches to build your house." So the man cut all the branches of the tree and left happily. The tree was glad to see him happy but the man never came back since then. The tree was again lonely and upset.

One hot summer day, the man returned and the tree was delighted. "Come and play with me!" the tree said. "I am getting old. I want to go sailing to relax myself. Can you give me a boat ?" said the man . "Use my trunk to build your boat. You can sail far away and be happy." So the man cut the tree trunk to make a boat. He went sailing and never showed up for a long time.

Finally, the man returned after many years. " Sorry, my boy. But I do not have anything for you anymore. No more apples for you ..." the tree said. "No problem, I do not have any teeth to bite" the man replied. "No more trunk for you to climb on" "I am too old for that now" the man said. "I really cannot give you anything... the only thing left is my dying roots" the tree said with tears. "I do not need much now, just a place to rest. I am tired after all these years" the man replied. "Good! Old tree roots are the best place to lean on and rest, Come, come sit down with me and rest." The man sat down and the tree was glad and smiled with tears...

This is a story for everyone.
The tree is like our parents
When we were young, we loved to play with our Mum and Dad...
When we grow up, we leave them...only come to them when we need something or when we are in trouble.
No matter what,
parents will always be there and
give everything they could
just to make you happy. 

You may think the boy is cruel to the tree, but that is how all of us treat our parents. We take them for granted we don't appreciate all they do for us, UNTIL it's too late. May Allah forgive us of our shortcomings and may He Guide us, Insha'allah Ameen

Please enlighten all your friends and your families by telling them this story,

Love your Parents..............

And your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him. And that you be dutiful to your parents. If one of them or both of them attain old age in your life, say not to them a word of disrespect, nor shout at them but address them in terms of honour.

And lower unto them the wing of submission and humility through mercy, and say:

"My Lord! Bestow on them Your Mercy as they did bring me up when I was small."

To enhance your knowledge regarding your health, financial and monetary conditions and wisdom, keep visiting Health, Wealth and Wisdom

To keep yourself updated regarding Dehradun and the world, please visit Doonspot

pic courtesy : http://www.rei.org/JPN/Nagano/NaganoArea/Smalls/IMG_7613-apple-tree.JPG,