Monday, October 15, 2012

Shubh Navratri


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http://kamalkapoor.com/images/wallpapers/800x600/durga11.jpg, pic courtesy : http://festivals.iloveindia.com/navratri/pics/navratri-wishes.jpg, 

Sunday, October 14, 2012

My Fiancee's mother


Dear friend Abby:
I have been engaged for almost a year. I am to be married next month. 
My fiancée’s mother is not only very attractive [read Hot!] but really great and 
understanding. She is putting the entire wedding together and invited
me to her place to go over the invitation list because it had grown a
bit beyond what we had expected it to be. When I got to her place, we 
reviewed the list and trimmed it down to just under a hundred... then
she floored me. She said that in a month I would be a married man and 
that before that happened, she wanted to have sex with me.
Then she just stood up and walked to her bedroom and on her way said
that I knew where the front door was if I wanted to leave. I stood
there for about five minutes and finally decided that I knew exactly
how to deal with this situation.
I headed straight out the front door........ ....... 
There, leaning against my car, was her husband, my father-in-law to be.
He was smiling. He explained that they just wanted to be sure I was a 
good kid and would be true to their little girl. I shook his hand and
he congratulated me on passing their little test. Abby, should I tell
my fiancee what her parents did, and that I thought their "little test" 
was asinine and insulting to my character?
Or should I keep the whole thing to myself, including the fact that the 
reason I was walking out to my car was to get a condom?

Signed,
Confused

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Use of brain



Two men and a woman friends took across the forest  hiking trip  and reached at a bank of a swelling, turbulent river. They had to cross it to prove themselves. So first man prayed the lord and requested woman to go back home. He then jumped into river to cross it depending on his smart swimming skills and athletic body. It took him couple hours and two critical drowning escapes before he could reach the other side.

The second man jumped into the river after prayer depending on his physical fitness skills and intelligence. He pleaded the woman to go back home. The man lost balance, drank lot of water and saved himself from drowning a few times. Then he made it in a few hours.   
 
The woman saw the ridiculous plights of two men. So she walked further upstream on the bank for half an hour, saw a swinging bridge built by local mountain villagers. Along with a villager she crossed the river, walking on the bridge with swinging fun, well ahead of two men.    

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Saturday, October 13, 2012

The Secret to a Lasting Marriage: Embrace Imperfection



When I was a little girl, my mom liked to make breakfast  food for dinner every now and then. And I remember one night in particular when she had made breakfast after a long, hard day at work.

On that evening so long ago, my mom placed a plate of eggs, sausage, and extremely burned toast in front of my dad. I remember waiting to see if anyone noticed!

Yet, all my dad did was reached for his toast, smiled at my mom, and asked me how my day was at school.

I don't remember what I told him that night, but I do remember watching him smear butter and jelly on that toast and eat every bite!

When I got up from the table that evening, I remember hearing my mom apologize to  my dad for burning the toast.

And I'll never forget what he said:  "Baby, I love burned toast."

Later that night, I went to kiss Daddy good night and I asked him if  he really liked his toast burned. He wrapped me in his arms and said,  "Debbie, your mommy put in a hard day at work today and she's real tired. And besides, a little burnt toast never hurt anyone!"

In bed that night, I thought about that scene at dinner...and the kindness my daddy showed my mom. To this day, it's a cherished memory from my childhood that I'll never forget.

And it's one that came to mind just recently when Jack and I sat down to eat dinner.

I had arrived home late...as usual...and decided we would have  breakfast food for dinner.
Some things never change, I suppose!

To my amazement, I found the ingredients I needed,and quickly began to cook eggs, turkey sausage, and buttered toast. Thinking I had things under control, I glanced through the mail
for the day. It was only a few minutes later that I remembered that I had forgotten to take the toast out of the oven!

Now, had it been any other day -- and had we had more than two pieces of bread in the entire house -- I would have started all over.

But it had  been one of those days and I had just used up the last two pieces of bread. So burnt toast it was!

As I set the plate down in front of Jack, I waited for a comment about the toast. But all I got was a "Thank you!"

I watched as he ate bite by bite, all the time waiting for some comment about the toast.
But instead, all Jack said was, "Babe, this is great. Thanks for cooking tonight. I know you had a hard day."

As I took a bite of my charred toast that night, I thought about my mom and dad... how burnt toast hadn't been a deal-breaker for them. And I quietly thanked God for giving me a marriage where burnt toast wasn't a deal-breaker either!

You know, life is full of imperfect things...and imperfect people. I'm not the best housekeeper or cook. And you might be surprised to find out that Jack isn't the perfect husband! He likes to play his music too loud, he will always find a way to avoid yard work,
and he watches far too many sports. Believe it or not, watching " Golf Academy " is not my
idea of a great night at home!

But somehow in the past 37 years Jack and I have learned to accept the imperfections in each other. Over time, we have stopped trying to make each other in our own mold and have learned to celebrate our differences. You might say that we've learned to love each otherfor who we really are!

For example, I like to take my time, I'm a perfectionist, and I'm  even-tempered. I tend to work too much and sleep too little.  Jack, on the other hand, is disciplined, studious, an early riser, and is a marketer's dream consumer. I count pennies and Jack could care less!  
Where he is strong, I am weak, and vice versa.

And while you might say that Jack and I are opposites, we're also very much alike. I can look at him and tell you what he's thinking. I can predict his actions before he finalizes his plans. On the other hand, he knows whether I'm troubled or not the moment I enter a room.

We share the same goals.
We love the same things.
And we are still best friends.
We've traveled through many valleys and
enjoyed many  mountaintops.
And yet, at the same time, Jack and I must work every
minute of every day to make this thing called "marriage" work!

What I've learned over the years is that learning to accept
each other's faults - and choosing to celebrate each other's
differences - is the one of the most important keys
to creating a healthy, growing, and lasting marriage relationship.

And that's my prayer for you today.
That you will learn to take the  good, the bad, and the ugly parts
of your married life and lay them at the feet of GOD.
Because in the end, He's the only One who will be able to give you
a marriage where burnt toast isn't a deal-breaker!

Have a great day! May God bless your marriage.

Now, Thats great .... you tell me,
How far Marriage life could mould the human being ? . 
Most of the cases,misunderstanding causes major pitfalls
and the same time, communication between each other
should be always open !!!

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Friday, October 12, 2012

Blonde joke



Yesterday I came back to my office from Court. There was a new
secretary (a very attractive blonde) in the office down the hall from
me.

She flagged me down and asked for help. "My floppy drive won't work,
can you help me ?" she asked. I told her I'd take a look and
proceeded over to her machine, where I found shredded up clear
plastic Baggie-like stuff hanging out of her 3.5" floppy drive.

While I spent the next 20 minutes getting out her disk and digging
out the plastic, I noticed two guys, John and Dave, in the hall
trying awfully hard to keep straight faces. Suspecting some mischief,
I asked her how the plastic got into the drive.

"Oh, you mean the condom!", she said. "Condom???", I asked. "Yes,
John & Dave over there told me to always put a condom on my disk
before inserting it, to prevent catching viruses."

By this point, John & Dave were roaring, and it was all I could do to
keep from joining them. The "condom" turned out to be a standard 3.5"
plastic sleeve. I delicately explained to her that a practical joke
had been played, and she shouldn't do that anymore, when she asked
(as serious as one could be), "Does that mean I don't have to stroke
it ten times or blow on it either???"


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Wednesday, October 10, 2012

The Middle Wife


I 've been teaching now for about fifteen years.
I have two children myself, but the best birth story I know is the one I saw in my own second-grade classroom a few years back.

When I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell.
So, I always have a few sessions with  my students.
It helps them get over shyness and usually, show-and-tell is pretty tame.
Kids bring in pet turtles, model airplanes, pictures of fish they catch, stuff like that.
And I never, ever place any boundaries or limitations on them.
If they want to lug it in to school and talk about it, they're  welcome.

Well, one day a little girl, Erica, a very bright, very outgoing child, took her turn and waddled up to the front of the class with a pillow  stuffed under her sweater.
She held up a snapshot of an infant.
'This is Luke, my baby brother, and I'm going to tell you about his birthday.'

'First, Mum and Dad made him as a symbol of their love, and then Dad put a seed in my Mum's stomach, and Luke grew in there.
He ate for nine months through an 'umbrella cord.' 
She was standing there with her hands on the pillow, and I was trying not to laugh  was and that wishing I had my camcorder with me.
The kids are watching her in amazement.

'Then, about two Saturdays ago, my Mum started saying and going,
'Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh!' 
Erica put a hand behind her back and groaned.

'She walked around the house for, like an hour, saying
'Oh, oh,  oh!'

Now this kid is doing a hysterical duck walk and groaning.

'My Dad called the middle wife. She delivers babies, but she doesn't have a sign on the car like the Domino's man. They got my Mum to lie down in bed like this.'

Then, Erica laid down with her back against the wall. 

'And then, pop! My Mum had this bag of water she kept in there in case he got thirsty, and it just blew up and spilled all over the bed, like psshhheew!'

This kid had her legs spread with her little hands miming water flowing away.
It was too much!

'Then the middle wife started saying 'push, push,'  and 'breathe, breathe.
They started   counting, but never even got past ten.
Then, all of a sudden, out came my brother.
He was covered in yucky stuff that they all said it was from Mum's play-centre, so there must be a heck of a lot of toys inside there.'

Then, Erica stood up, took a big theatrical bow and  returned to her seat.
I'm sure I applauded the loudest.
Ever since then, when it's show-and-tell day, I bring my camcorder, just in case another 'Middle  Wife' comes along. 

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How to deal with upcoming events.



A wealthy man decided to go on a safari in Africa. He took his faithful pet Dachshund dog along for company.

One day, the Dachshund starts chasing butterflies and before long the Dachshund discovers that he is lost. Wandering about, he notices a leopard heading rapidly in his direction with the obvious intention of having lunch.

The Dachshund thinks, "I'm in deep trouble now! Then he noticed some bones on the ground close by and immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the leopard is about to leap, the Dachshund exclaims loudly, "Boy, that was one delicious leopard. I wonder if there are any more around here."

Hearing this, the leopard halts his attack in mid-stride, as a look of terror comes over him, and slinks away into the trees. "Whew," says the leopard. "That was close. That Dachshund! Nearly had me."

Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard. So, off he goes. But the Dachshund sees him heading after the leopard with great speed, and figures that something must be up.

The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard. The leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here monkey, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine."

Now the Dachshund sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back and thinks "What am I going to do now?" But instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet... and just when they get close enough to hear,

the Dachshund says........ ......... .....
"Where's that damn monkey? I sent him off half an hour ago to bring me another leopard."
------------ --

Moral: It doesn't matter what cards you hold but how you play them!!

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