Interview for Government job

Gopal goes to the Post Office to apply for a job. 


The interviewer asks him, "Are you allergic to anything?" 


He replies, "Yes - coffee." 


"Have you ever been in the military service? 


"Yes," he says, "I was in Iraq for two years." 


The interviewer says, "That will give you 5 extra points towards employment." 

Then he asks,"Are you disabled in any way?" 
Gopal says,"Yes. A bomb exploded near me and I lost both of my testicles." 


The interviewer grimaces and then says, "O.K. You've got enough points for me to hire you right now. Our normal hours are from 8:00 A.M. To 4:00 P.M. You can start tomorrow from 10:00AM every day." 



Gopal is puzzled and asks, "If the work hours are from 8:00 A.M. to 4:00 P.M., why do you want me to start here from10:00 A.M.?" 



"This is a government job," the inter-viewer says, "For the first two hours, we just stand around drinking coffee and scratching our balls. No point you coming in for that." 

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Food as Medicine

HEADACHE?   EAT   FISH!   
Eat   plenty of fish -- fish oil helps prevent  headaches.. 
So  does ginger, which  reduces inflammation and pain.   

HAY   FEVER?   EAT   YOGURT! 
Eat   lots of yogurt before pollen season.
Also-eat honey from  your area (local  region) daily. 

TO   PREVENT STROKE  DRINK   TEA!   
Prevent   build-up of fatty deposits on artery walls  with regular  doses of tea.  (actually,   tea suppresses appetite and keeps the  pounds from  invading.... Green tea is great  for our immune  system)! 

INSOMNIA   (CAN'T SLEEP?)  HONEY!  
Use honey as a tranquilizer and  sedative.  

ASTHMA?   EAT   ONIONS!!!!   
Eating   onions helps ease constriction of  bronchial tubes.  (onion   packs place   on chest  helped   the respiratory ailments and actually made   breathing  better).

ARTHRITIS?   EAT   FISH, TOO!!   
Salmon, tuna, mackerel and sardines  actually  prevent arthritis.  (fish   has omega oils, good for our immune   system) 

UPSET   STOMACH?   BANANAS   - GINGER!!!!!  
Bananas   will settle an upset stomach. 
Ginger  will cure morning  sickness and nausea..  

BLADDER   INFECTION?  DRINK   CRANBERRY  JUICE!!!!  
High-acid   cranberry juice controls harmful bacteria.   

BONE   PROBLEMS?  EAT   PINEAPPLE!!!   
Bone fractures and osteoporosis can be  prevented by the  manganese in pineapple.  

MEMORY   PROBLEMS?  EAT   OYSTERS!   
Oysters   help improve your mental functioning by  supplying  much-needed zinc.  

COLDS?   EAT   GARLIC!   
Clear   up that stuffy head with garlic.  (remember,   garlic lowers cholesterol,  too.)

COUGHING?   USE   RED PEPPERS!!   
A substance similar to that found in  the cough syrups is  found in hot red  pepper. Use red (cayenne) pepper  with  caution-it can irritate your tummy.   

BREAST   CANCER?   EAT   Wheat, bran and  cabbage  
Helps to maintain estrogen at healthy  levels.  

LUNG   CANCER?   EAT   DARK GREEN AND ORANGE AND  VEGGIES!!!  
A   good antidote is beta carotene, a form of  Vitamin A found in  dark green and orange  vegetables.  

ULCERS?   EAT   CABBAGE ALSO!!!   
Cabbage contains chemicals that help  heal both gastric  and duodenal ulcers.  

DIARRHEA?   EAT   APPLES! 
Grate   an apple with its skin, let it turn brown  and eat it to cure  this condition.  (Bananas   are good for this  ailment)

CLOGGED   ARTERIES?  EAT   AVOCADO!   
Mono   unsaturated fat in avocados lowers  cholesterol.   

HIGH   BLOOD PRESSURE?  EAT   CELERY AND OLIVE  OIL!!!  
Olive oil has been shown to lower  blood pressure.
Celery contains a  chemical that lowers pressure too.   

BLOOD   SUGAR IMBALANCE?  EAT   BROCCOLI AND PEANUTS!!!  
The   chromium in broccoli and peanuts helps  regulate insulin and  blood sugar.  

Kiwi:   Tiny but mighty. This is a good source of  potassium,  magnesium, Vitamin E &  fibre. It's Vitamin C content is  twice  that of an orange.  

Apple:   An apple a day keeps the doctor away?  Although an apple has  a low Vitamin C  content, it has antioxidants &   flavonoids which enhances the activity of  Vitamin C thereby  helping to lower the  risks of colon cancer, heart  attack &  stroke.. 

Strawberry:   Protective fruit. Strawberries have the  highest total  antioxidant power among  major fruits & protects the body  from  cancer causing, blood vessels clogging   free radicals. (Actually,   any berry is good for you..they're high in  anti-oxidants and  they actually keep us  young....... ....blueberries are the best  and  very versatile in the health field....... .they  get rid  of all the free-radicals that  invade our  bodies)

Orange :   Sweetest medicine. Taking 2 - 4 oranges a  day may help  keep colds away, lower  cholesterol, prevent  & dissolve kidney  stones as well as lessen the risk  of colon  cancer.. 

Watermelon:   Coolest Thirst Quencher. Composed of 92%  water, it is also  packed with a giant dose  of glutathione which helps boost  our  immune system..  They are also a key source  of  lycopene - the cancer fighting oxidant.   Other  nutrients  
Found in watermelon are Vitamin  C  & Potassium. (watermelon   also has natural substances [natural SPF  sources] that keep  our skin healthy,  protecting our skin from those darn UV   rays)


Guava   & Papaya:  Top awards for Vitamin C. They are the  clear winners for  their high Vitamin C  content. Guava is also rich in fibre  which  helps prevent constipation.   

Papaya   is rich in carotene, this is good for your  eyes.  (also   good for gas and  indigestion) 

Tomatoes   are   very good as a preventative measure for  men, keeps those  prostrate problems from  invading their  bodies......GOOD   AS MEDICINE..
      


Very informative - spread the information 

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Faith : Two legged hope

This dog was born on Christmas Eve in the year 2002.   She was born with  2  legs - 
She of course could not walk when She was born. 
Even his mother did not want him. 

    
His first owner also did not think that She could survive   and She was thinking of 'putting him to sleep'. But then, his present owner, Jude Stringfellow, met him   and wanted  to take care of him.. She became determined to teach and train this little   dog to walk by himself..   
She named him 'Faith'. 

In the beginning, she put Faith on a surfboard to let him feel the movement. 
Later she used peanut  butter on a spoon as a lure and reward 
for him for standing up and jumping around. 
Even the other dog at home encouraged him to walk. 
Amazingly, only after 6 months, like a miracle,   
Faith learned to balance on his hind legs and to jump to move forward. 
After further training in the snow, he could now walk like a human being. 

Faith loves to walk around now. 
No matter where he goes, he attracts people to him. 
He is fast becoming famous on the international scene and 
has appeared on various newspapers and TV shows. 
There is now a book entitled 'With a Little Faith' being published about him. 
He was even considered to appear in the movies. 

His present owner Jude Stringfellow has  given up her teaching post and plans to take him around the world 
to  preach that even without a perfect body, one can have a perfect soul'. 

In life there are always undesirable things, so in order to feel better you just need to look at life from another direction. 
I hope this message will bring fresh new ways of thinking to everyone and that everyone will appreciate and be thankful for each beautiful day. 
Faith is the continual demonstration of the strength and wonder of life. 

For more information on Faith please visit http://faiththedog.info/

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pic courtesy : http://faiththedog.info/, 

How important is TV for you?

A teacher from Primary School asks her students to write a essay about what they would like God to do for them... At the end of the day, while marking the essays,she read one that made her very emotional.

Her husband, who had just walked in, saw her crying and asked her:-  'What happened?'

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She answered- 'Read this. It is one of my students' essay.'

'Oh God, tonight I ask you something very special :

Make me into a television. I want to take its place and live like the TV in my house.

Have my own special place, And have my family around ME.
To be taken seriously when I talk....
I want to be the centre of attention and be heard without
interruptions or questions.
I want to receive the same special care that theTV receives even when
it is not working.
 

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Have the company of my dad when he arrives home from work, even when
he is tired.
And I want my mom to want me when she is sad and upset, instead of
ignoring me...
And... I want my brothers to fight to be with me...
I want to feel that family just leaves everything aside, every now and
then, just to spend some time with me.
And last but not least, ensure that I can make them all happy and
entertain them...
Lord I don't ask you for much... I just want to live like a TV.'

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At that moment the husband said :- 'My God, poor kid. What horrible parents!'

The wife looked up at him and said:- 'That essay is our son's !!!

pic courtesy : http://wp.production.patheos.com/blogs/adrianwarnock/files/2013/10/TV-shutterstock_23301313.jpg

Lets laugh

An insect fell in a mug of beer:

Englishman : throws the beer out and walks off the bar 
American : throws the insect out and drinks his beer 
Chinese : throws the beer out and eats the insect 
Indian : sells the beer to the American, insect to the Chinese 
and buys a new beer 
Pakistani :-- accuses Indian of throwing the insect in the beer 
-- relates the issue to Kashmir 
-- yells Islam is in danger 
-- asks the Chinese for military aid 
-- asks the American for loan to buy another beer.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Wonderful definitions of designations at office: 

1) Project Manager is a Person who thinks nine women can deliver a baby in One month. 

2) Tool Designer is a Person who thinks it will take 18 months to deliver a Baby. 

3) Plant Head is one who thinks single woman can deliver nine babies in one month. 

4) Client is the one who doesn't know why he wants a baby. 

5) Marketing Manager is a person who thinks he can deliver a baby even if no man and woman are available. 

6) Value engineering Team thinks they don't need a man or woman; they'll produce a child with zero resources. 

7) Documentation Team thinks they don't care whether the child is delivered, they'll just document 9 months. 

8) Quality Auditor is the person who is never happy with the PROCESS to produce a baby. 

And lastly................. 

9) Quality Inspector is a person who always tells his wife that this is not the Right baby.

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Nun going for Halloween party

A cabbie picks up a Nun.

She gets into the cab, and notices that the VERY handsome cab driver won't stop staring at her.

She asks him why he is staring.

He replies:
'I have a question to ask you but I don't want to offend you..'

She answers,
'My son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive.'

'Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me.'

She responds,
'Well, let's see what we can do about that: #1, you have to be single and #2, you must be Catholic.'

The cab driver is very excited and says, 'Yes, I'm single and Catholic!'

'OK' the nun says. 'Pull into the next alley.'

The nun fulfills his fantasy, with a kiss that would make a hooker blush.

But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.

'My dear child,' says the nun, 'why are you crying?'

'Forgive me but I've sinned. I lied and I must confess, I'm married and I'm Jewish.'

The nun says, 'That's OK.
My name is Kevin and I'm going to a Halloween party.

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Peace of mind

Once Buddha was walking from one town to another town with a few of his followers. This was in the initial days. While they were traveling, they happened to pass a lake. They stopped there and Buddha told one of his disciples, "I am thirsty. Do get me some water from that lake there." 

The disciple walked up to the lake. When he reached it, he noticed that right at that moment, a bullock cart started crossing through the lake. As a result, the water became very muddy, very turbid. The disciple thought, "How can I give this muddy water to Buddha to drink!" 

So he came back and told Buddha, "The water in there is very muddy.. I don´t think it is fit to drink." After about half an hour, again Buddha asked the same disciple to go back to the lake and get him some water to drink. The disciple obediently went back to the lake. 

This time too he found that the lake was muddy. He returned and informed Buddha about the same. After sometime, again Buddha asked the same disciple to go back. 

The disciple reached the lake to find the lake absolutely clean and clear with pure water in it. The mud had settled down and the water above it looked fit to be had. So he collected some water in a pot and brought it to Buddha. 

Buddha looked at the water, and then he looked up at the disciple and said," See
what you did to make the water clean. You let it be.... and the mud settled
down on its own - and you got clear water.  

 Your mind is also like that! When it is disturbed, just let it be. Give it a little time. It will settle down on its own. You don´t have to put in any effort to calm it down. It will happen. It is effortless."   

What did Buddha emphasize here? He said, "It is effortless." Having `Peace of Mind´ is not a strenuous job; it is an effortless process! 

In life everything goes on........... ......Keep Going. 

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