Women--- The most beautiful and the most complex creature on Earth

Women are like..........

...the stock market

They're irrational and can bankrupt you if you're not careful.

...computers

They take too long to warm up and a better model always comes along once you've already got one.

...parking meters

If you don't feed them with enough money you face serious consequences.

...fax machines

Useful for one very specific purpose but otherwise just high-maintenance paperweights.

...refrigerators

They're always cold and never seem to have a beer when you need one.

...blue jeans

They look good for a while but eventually they fade and have to be replaced.

...country western songs

They're annoying, they all sound alike, but if you really listen to them you'll get depressed and drink a lot.

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Some more about WOMEN.....

If you kiss her, you are not a gentleman

If you don’t, you are not a man

If you praise her, she thinks you are lying

If you don't, you are good for nothing

If you agree to all her likes, you are a wimp

If you don't, you are not understanding

If you put a woman on a pedestal and try to protect her from the rat race, you are a male chauvinist.

If you stay home and do the housework, you are a pansy.

If you visit her often, she thinks you are boring

If you don't, she accuses you of double-crossing

If you are well dressed, she says you are a playboy

If you don't, you are a dull boy

If you are jealous, she says it's bad

If you don't, she thinks you do not love her

If you attempt a romance, she says you didn't respect her

If you don't, she thinks you do not like her

If you are a minute late, she complains it's hard to wait

If she is late, she says that's a girl's way

If you visit another man, you're not putting in "quality time"

If she is visited by another woman, "oh it's natural, we are girls"

If you ask her to do something she doesn't enjoy, that's domination.

If she asks you, it's a favor.

If you buy her flowers, you are after something.

If you don't, you are not thoughtful.

If you kiss her once in a while, she professes you are cold

If you kiss her often, she yells that you are taking advantage

If you are proud of your achievements, you are up yourself.

If you don't, you are not ambitious.

If you work too hard, there is never any time for her...

If you don't work enough, you are a good for nothing bum.

If she has a headache, she is tired.

If you have a headache, you don't love her anymore.

If you fail to help her in crossing the street, you lack ethics

If you do she thinks it's just one of men's tactics for seduction

If you stare at another woman, she accuses you of flirting

If she is stared by other men, she says that they are just admiring

If you talk, she wants you to listen

If you listen, She wants you to talk

In short So simple, yet so complex

So weak Yet so powerful

Confusing Yet so desirable

So damn thing Yet so wonderful.... .....WOMEN

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tags : women, love, confusing, wonderful, flirting, seduction, achievements

http://www.multidimensions-india.com, pic courtesy:http://cinefantastiqueonline.com, 

TIME FOR SOME LAUGHS...

Two doctors Dr Smith and Dr. Jones, one a psychiatrist and the other a Proctologist opened an office in a small town and put up a sign:

"Hysteria's and Posteriors."

The town council was not happy with the sign, so the doctors changed it To read: "Schizoids and Hemorrhoids.”

This was not acceptable either, so in an effort to satisfy the council, they changed the sign to: "Catatonics and High Colonic's" No go.

Next, they tried: "Manic Depressives and Anal Reten tive." Thumbs down Again.

Then came: "Minds and Behinds." Still no good.

Another attempt resulted in: "Lost Souls and Butt Holes." Unacceptable again.

So they tried: "Analysis and Anal Cysts." No way!

"Freaks and Cheeks?" Still a no go.

"Loons and Moons?" Forget it.

Almost at their wit's end, the doctors finally came up with:

"Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones, Odds and Ends."

Everyone loved it!

*************************************************************

Father and Daughter

A man and his little girl were on an overcrowded elevator. Suddenly a woman in front turned around, slapped him and left in a huff.

The little girl remarked, "That's okay, Daddy, I didn't like her either, she was stepping all over my toes. That's why I pinched her."

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EMBARRASSMENT WITH SOME NAMES:

Back in Mumbai, when I was introduced to a guy Mr. Arvind Lele, he extended his hand and said 'Lele'. Taking his hand, I found it impossible to avoid replying 'Dede'.

He had a Goan wife who had separated from him, since her first name and the surname did not go together when she got married. Her name was Rosemary. You can see it was pretty embarrassing for her every time she said her full name in Hindi - Roz Meri Lele!

Out in USA, imagine the plight of an American lady introducing two Indians to each other with a straight face: She gestures towards the Indian lady, saying 'See my butt', and then towards the guy with 'Shake my boob'. That is how Seema Bhatt met Sheikh Mehboob.

********************************************************

Man and Woman

Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before?

Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.

Man: Is this seat empty?

Woman: Yes and this one will be if you sit down.

Man: Your place or mine?

Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.

Man: So, what do you do for a living?

Woman: I'm a female impersonator.

Man: Hey baby, what's your sign?

Woman: Do not enter.

Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning?

Woman: Unferrtilized.

Man: Your body is like a temple.

Woman: Sorry, there are no services today.

Man: I would go to the end of the world for you.

Woman: But would you stay there?

Man: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.

Woman: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

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tags : man, woman, father, daughter, eggs, freaks, doctors

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Some Thoughts....

Whenever I find the key to success, someone changes the lock.
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To Err is human, to forgive is not a COMPANY policy.
_____
The road to success - Is always under construction.
_____
Alcohol doesn't solve any problems, but if you think again, neither does Milk.
_____
In order to get a Loan, you first need to prove that you don't need it.
_____
All the desirable things in life are illegal, expensive or fattening.
_____
Since Light travels faster than Sound, people appear brighter before you hear them speak.
_____
Everyone has a scheme of getting rich? Which never works?
_____
If at first you don't succeed?. Destroy all evidence that you ever tried.
_____
You can never determine which side of the bread to butter. If it falls down, it will always land on the buttered side.
_____
Anything dropped on the floor will roll over to the most inaccessible corner.
_____
***** 42.7% of all statistics is made on the spot. *****
_____
As soon as you mention something?? If it is good, it is taken? If it is bad, it happens.
_____
He, who has the gold, makes the rules ---- Murphy's golden rule.
_____
If you come early, the bus is late. If you come late?? The bus is still late.
_____
Once you have bought something, you will find the same item being sold somewhere else at a cheaper rate.
_____
When in a queue, the other line always moves faster and the person in front of you will always have the most complex of transactions.
_____
If you have paper, you don't have a pen? If you have a pen, you don't have paper?? If you have both, no one calls.
_____
Especially for engg. Students----
If you have bunked the class, the professor has taken attendance.
_____
You will pick up maximum wrong numbers when on roaming.
_____
The door bell or your mobile will always ring when you are in the bathroom.
_____
After a long wait for bus no.20, two 20 number buses will always pull in together and the bus which you get in will be crowded than the other.
_____
If your exam is tomorrow, there will be a power cut tonight.
_____
Irrespective of the direction of the wind, the smoke from the cigarette will always tend to go to the non-smoker

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tags : mobile, cigarette, door bell, company

1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time...I know where my watch is pal, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?

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2. People who are willing to get off their ass to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually.

********

3. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". Damn right! What good is cake if you can't eat it?

********

4. When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why the hell would you keep looking after you've found it?

********

5. When people say while watching a film "did you see that?" No Loser, I paid Rs.125 to come to the cinema and stare at the damn floor.

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6. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?"... .. Didn't really give me a choice there, did ya sunshine?

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7. When something is 'new and improved!' Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it, couldn't be new.

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8. When people say "life is short". What the hell?? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever does!! What can you do that's longer?

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9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks "Has the bus come yet?” If the bus came would I be standing here, dumb ass?

********

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pic courtesy: http://www.ploomy.com/wp-content, 

From Now on.....

1. From now on, every time anyone asks you how you are? The answer is always and forever a very, very positive --- [Great! Terrific! Fantastic!]

NO MATTER HOW YOU REALLY FEEL!

It doesn't matter! You are trying to change you!

FOREVER!

2. From now on, you commit to taking full and total responsibility for your circumstances, your results and how you feel! It will always be your responsibility and that of your brain cells and no one else's!

3. From now on, you will always learn new things everyday!

4. From now on, you will stop yourself from completing any and every negative thought or words, and turn them into a positive, before you go on to anything else!

5. From now on, you will always every day do something new, strange, crazy, silly, out of the box, embarrassing, or that is otherwise "not like you".

6. From now on, you will always, set a goal by putting it down in writing.

7. From now on, you will willingly and eagerly fail at something important every day---and learn from it!

8. From now on, you will every day of your life, tell at least two people that you love them. (One should always be you, even if you don't believe it yet!)

9. From now on, you will every day of your life, do an exercise regimen for your brain or your body. (Preferably both!)

10. From now on, you will stop and look to see what everyone else is doing, and then choose to probably do the opposite!

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tags : goal, positive, opposite, forever, fine

Judge Yourself...Interesting

This time I am posting a test which you can use to judge yourself, I cant say how much correct you will find it, but one thing for sure, you will definitely find it interesting.

Situations

You are in a deep deep forest... as you walk on you saw an old hut standing there

(1) What is the status of the door?

(Opened/closed)

You enter the hut and see a table...

(2) What is the shape of the table?

(Round/Oval/Square/Rectangle/Triangle)

On top of the table there is a vase... in the vase there is water.

(3) How much water is it filled up with?

(Full/Half/Empty)

(4) And what is the vase made of?

[(Glass/porcelain/clay) (metal/plastic/wood)]

You walk out of the hut... as you carry on your walk in the forest...you see a waterfall from far... there is water running down...

(5) What is the speed of the water?

(Choose a number ranging from 0 to 10)

Some time after the waterfall... you step on something hard on the ground... as you look down... you see glistening gold in colour. You bend down and pick it up... it is a keychain chained with keys...

(6) How many key /keys you see hanging on the keychain?

(Choose a number ranging from 1 to 10)

You walk on and on... trying to find your way out...suddenly you see a castle.

(7) What is the condition of the castle?

(Old/new)

You enter the castle and saw a pool of murky water with shining jewels floating on it...

(8) Will you pick up the jewel?

(YES/NO)

Next to the murky pool... there's another pool... with clear water and money floating on it...

(9) Will you pick the money?

(YES/NO)

Walking to the end of the castle there is an exit...you proceed to walk out of the castle. Outside the exit, there is big garden, you see a box on the ground.

(10) What is the size of the box?

(small/medium/big)

11) What is the material of the box?

(cardboard/paper/wooden/metal)
 There is a bridge in the garden some distance away from the box,

(12) What is the bridge made of?

(metal/wooden/rattan)

Across the bridge, there is a horse.

(13) What is the colour of the horse?

(white/grey/brown/black)

(14) What is the horse doing?

(still and quiet/nibbling grass/running about)

OH NO!!! There is a tornado coming... some distance from the horse.

You have 3 options:

(i) run and hide in the box?

(ii) run and hide under the bridge?

(iii) run to the horse, ride on and gallop away?

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Also try - Lets play a game - just for fun

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 Here are the interpretations:

(1) The door:

opened door - you are a person who is willing to share

closed door - you are a person who is keeping things to yourself

(2) The table:

Round/oval - any friends that came along, you will accept and trust

them completely

Square/rectangle - you are a bit more choosy on friends and only

hangout with those whom you think are on the same frequency

Triangle - you are really very very picky about friends and there are

not many friends in your life

(3) Water in vase:

Empty - your life is not fulfilled

Half filled - what you want in your life is half fullfilled

Full - your life is completely fulfilled and good for you!

(4) Material of vase:

glass/clay/porcelain - you are weak in your life and tends to be fragile

metal/plastic/wood - you are strong in your life

(5) Flow of waterfall:

0 - no love for your partner at all

1 to 4 - less love

5 - average love

6 to 9 - high love

10 - gone case!!! You are totally mad about your partner!!! Can't live

without him/her...

(6) Keys:

1 - you have one good friend in your life

2 to 5 - you have a few good friends in your life

6 to 10 - you have a lot good friends

(7) Castle:

Old - shows that your last relationship is not a good one and is not memorable to you.

New - your last relationship is good and it's still fresh in your heart.

(8) The jewel from the murky pool water:

YES - when your partner is around you, you will flirt around with others.

NO - when your partner is around, you will stick around with him/her most of the time.

(9) The money from the clear water pool:

YES - even when your partner is not around you, you will still flirt around with others.

NO - even when your partner is not around, you will still think of her and will be loyal to her, not flirting around with others.

(10) The size of the box:

small - low ego

medium - average ego

big - high ego

(11) Material of the box (outlook of the box):

Cardboard/paper/wooden (non-shining) - humble personality

Metal - proud and stuck up personality

(12) The material of the bridge:

Metal bridge - have very strong bond with your friends

Wooden bridge - average bond with your friends

Rattan bridge - you are not in good terms with your friends

(13) Colour of the horse:

White - your partner is pure and good in your heart.

Grey/brown - your partner is only average in your heart.

Black - your partner doesn't seem to be good in your heart and appears to be bad sign.

(14) Horse action:

Still and quiet/nibbling grass - your partner is a very homely and humble person.

Running about - your partner is a wild type person.

This is the last but most important part of the test.

From how I ended the story... a tornado approaches...

What are you going do? There are only 3 options:

(i) run and hide in the box?

(ii) run and hide under the bridge?

(iii) run to the horse, ride on and gallop away?

What will you choose?

Now, the above is signified by these things:

tornado - problems in your life

box - you

bridge - your friends

Horse - your partner

(i) So if you choose the box, you keep your problems to yourself whenever you met with problems.

(ii) Or if you choose the bridge, you will go to your friends whenever you met problems.

(iii) or lastly if you choose the horse, you seek your partner whenever you met with problems.

tags : game, horse, friends, partner, metal, friends, judge

pic courtesy: http://alqamardesigns.files.wordpress.com/, 

Laws of Life

1) Lorenz's Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.

2) Anthony's Law of the Workshop: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

3) Kovac's Conundrum: When you dial a wrong number, you never get an engaged tone.

4) Cannon's Karmic Law: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire.

5) O'brien's Variation Law: If you change queues, the one you have left will start to move faster than the one you are in now.

6) Bell's Theorem: When the body is immersed in water, the telephone rings.

7) Ruby's Principle of Close Encounters: The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

8) Willoughby's Law: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.

9) Zadra's Law of Biomechanics: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

10) Breda's Rule: At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.

11) Owen's Law: As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

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